Travelling Tales II

An acquaintance Nickname = BM Tak Mo Yu, many of us were tricked into parting $ 50 to $ 100 for petrol pumped into his BMW. He is How Liang, miser to man but generous towards attractive women; flirtatious; Tua Pian, (many silly women fall for his scheme) Ex golfer – no longer play but pretend to have golf appointment here and there especially where there are women around. A knows all with corrupted mind and uncultured lingo, busy body who rumors. Scolding female as F*cking bitch. He had his day in 2006 July. He paid a heavy price referring Fatkor as pig. This incident happened as detail follow:

 2006 July 21 morning around 11.00 am, a phone call from a Singapore buddy

 Hello Tony, this is Francis, I am in Macau with 2 friends you know, BMW asked me to call to lodge with you for few days in Zuhai. We are at immigration crossing, how do we get to your place?

 What Francis? BMW always give problems. I am leaving for Guangzhou after lunch, you can lunch with me? Want to have fun in Dongguan over the weekend?

 OK,OK. BMW said your office is on the 20th floor Holiday Inn. We wait at the coffee house  OK?

 During lunch, my Shanghai colleague telephone- ‘Bro Ang, My boss and your boss last minute decide to fly in to Guangzhou ahead of Mondays conference, arriving 8.00 pm today. He asked me to get you to go Guangzhou today, Can I check you in the same hotel? He asked me too, but I am going with 4 friends and will stay at Landmark, don’t let them know I am in Guangzhou prior Monday’s Meeting. Can you pick us up at the airport at 3.00 pm?

 ‘Hi 38, I cover you but need a favor from you. Tell boss you cannot get me as I am on half day leave. I have my 3 Singapore Friends with me. I will get Fatkor to fetch your people. I cannot get to airport at 3.00 pm. Reserve rooms for me at landmark.

 After 2 hours drive, we arrived at landmark Hotel at 5.00pm. 38 had collected our room keys and waited at the coffee house. BMW stared at 38 like the “chu Pak Jie”.

She left in a hurry after handling 5 rooms’ key, telling us to signify personal particulars at the reception and informed us to 7.30pm dinner at the hotel’s restaurant where reservation was also arranged.  We thought the girls would be late and arrived at the dinner 10 minutes later to find the ladies were seated leaving a seat in between each. This is the Chinese style unlike in Singapore where all girls will sit close to each other. Four of them appeared to be in uniform dresses – bare back with a heart shaped opening front. One with Landmark hotel’s Jacket exposing nothing. When introduced, the ladies stood up to shake hands and we were shocked to eye the 36-24-36 postures. BMW quickly chop himself in between the two most sexy ladies. I was asked by 38 to sit in between the lady in Jacket and herself. BMW went to deposit payment for the dinner in order to “how lien” before dinner end. The two ladies were impressed and toasted with him. He pretended to be drunk ,took advantage by moving his flirtatious hands ,one right and the other left until the ladies took excuse to leave. 38 told me the lady in Jacket had arranged complimentary stay for me only. I later found out the lady in Jacket’s father is the major shareholder of Landmark Hotel. The dinner was a welcome dinner for her friends but our BMW …….

Fatkor was my company’s stockist and offer entertainment at KTV, I requested Fatkor not to bring any hostess back as we have to breakfast with the ladies. BMW was furious and curious that the hostesses were told not to accept his booking outside the KTV. That night BMW came knocking at my room with his pillow and blanket saying something wrong with his room and wanted to park with me but next moment he left.

BMW was late at breakfast. On seeing Francis and his friend were joking and laughing with the two ladies he offended at last dinner, he gave the “Tak boleh tahanlook.”

Fatkor asked BMW why he left his room without informing him. BMW replied that Fatkor slept worse than a Pig that draw laughter. He then questioned his 2 friends why they did not answer his door knocking and commented they must be having good time with the two ladies. His friends glared. He went on to ask the ladies how well his friends performed and received two slaps, one each from the ladies. He fell with his buck on the chair. The angry women left for an arranged outing without us. We were very annoyed and decided to teach BWM a lesson by leaving him in a woods nearby.

As Fatkor was driving, he received a call from his cousin to visit his Pig farms to see the weeks old piglets. At the Pig farm, BMW pointed to a Mother Pig milking the piglets and told Fatkor is better to sleep with the piglets as the mother pig was silent. This remarks made Fatkor boiled but control. He later asked me any objection if he is to fix BMW and I did not object. Farmhands have early dinner at 5.00 pm. During the meal, Fatkor toasted to MBW wishing him best luck to sleep with piglets. BMW knocked off after only one drink. The farmhands were asked not to spoil BMW’s suit, so they striped him. A used blanket cover BMW and left him to sleep with 3 black and 7 white piglets. We left for the farm’s nearest township Shijie for activities. While we were enjoying ourselves, a call required us to see BMW in hospital. A staff there jokingly told us the piglets mistook BMW’s discharge as milk and suck on it.

A story

To share a story I read yesterday

A young guy left his home, country and went working in a foreign country. He got a job and a girlfriend there. He never talk to his girlfriend about his home, even she asked him many time.

After 4 years, something happened that the guy has to come home to handle. He came with his girlfriend. He told his girlfriend there is only his mother in his home and refused to talk anything more about his mother. This gave his girlfriend an opinion that his mother is not a nice, easy get along lady.

To his girlfriend’s surprise, when his mother first opened the door to welcome them, she found that his mother was a very nice lady – kind, sweet and soft talking ……, she is a devout Buddhist, but his boyfriend refused to do any talk with his mother. The girlfriend don’t know why, because she knows her boyfriend is not such kind of person. She asked her boyfriend why, but he refused to disclose.

Due to her curiosity, she asked the mother what had happen to get them into such a situation. The mother told her the following story:

“I has a daughter. The relation between the brother and sister is very good, they love each other very much. 4 years ago, a tragedy happened, my daughter was raped and killed by the neighborhood boy (raper). The boy was caught and was sentenced to death. But I pleaded the court to change the death sentence to jail term. My son cannot forgive me for what I did, left home and not contact me any more”

The girlfriend asked the reason why she do the pleading, the mother said: “When the death sentence is announced, I noticed the deep sorrow in the raper mother’s eyes. I think should give the raper’s mother a chance. so I do the pleading, but my son never give me a chance to explain to him”.

The girlfriend told her boyfriend the reason of his mother, but her boyfriend still could not forgive her mother’s doing

At last, the guy finished the thing he has to handle and intended to leave. His girlfriend tried her last effort to convince him at least to talk to his mother once. The guy promised.

To start the talk, the guy said to his mother: “If you can give me a satisfy answer for my question, may be I will forgive you. In these 4 years, I always think of the raper, I feel the pain in my heart, then you will also appear to my mind, and I cannot stop to hate what you have done. Can you tell me what is your feelings when you think of the raper these years”?

The mother silenced for a while and gave the following answer:
“Sorry son, I cannot give you an answer, because I never think of the raper after the court. What I always think of are the time when your sister is around. The time we live happy together. This will give me warm in my heart. So sorry son, I don’t have the answer you want”

The ending of the story …..it is not important, you can set your own ending for it

I don’t think this is a good story, as what the mother do is far from the human nature (not much people in this world can forgive such kind of thing). What his son done is more prone to human.

Why I share this story, because I have experience similar to it (just a little bit, not so extreme). In a few years back, many people talk about positive think and say they always do positive thinking. But I think positive thinking (also forgiveness) is not a human nature, especially when something not good, serious. Usually the thinking is negative and hate.

I am not a positive thinking guy, actually I am quite negative, but I seldom hate (not because of forgiveness, but because of laziness). As I am lazy, there is not much thing can bothering me.

There is one thing that bothering me for nearly 30 years, and when my thinking of this thing change from negative to positive, I got the peace of mine.

The thing that bothering me is my wife’s jealous, I never fooling around since she is my girlfriend (not due to loyalty but due to laziness, why be so trouble to get two or more girlfriend). I think my wife’s jealous is unreasonable and make me annoyed. This happen even when she passed away, whenever I think of her, I will think of her jealous.

But after I join SHC and know more friends (once upon a time, I tried to be friendly but failed). A new thinking come to my mind. I guess her jealous is due to I have not paid enough attention to her.

If this is mentioned in an Elvis Presley’s song, it should be: “May be I didn’t treat her, quite as good as I should have,
May be I didn’t love her, quite as often as I could have.
May be I didn’t hold her, all those lonely, lonely time.
And I guess I never tell her, I so happy that she’s mind.”

so she used jealous to attract my attention. Even this is not the case, Her jealous should be because she care about me very much, why should I bother?? After I change my thinking, whenever I think about her, I feel warm.

Think positive can make people happy. If you can, try it, don’t just talk it.

LUNAR NEW YEAR GREETINGS… ????

Dear Members,
Another couple of days to go, we will be celebrating the Lunar New Year for Y2014… May we take this opportunity to wish each and everyone of you…..
nouvel_an_01nouvel_an_02chinese_new_year_2014
Happy New Year, we wish you good health and lasting prosperity.
????????????????

Wishing you happiness during the holidays and throughout the New Year.
???????????

May the season’s joy fill you all the year round.
???????????

Treasures fill the home
????

Business flourishes
????

Peace all year round
????

Harmony brings wealth
????

May all your wishes come true
????

Everything goes well
????

FROM : SHC COMMITTEE

Light Moments: Where is the reindeer?

Fairprice at NEX has an unusual Christmas display. It is a big animal rearing up on its hind legs and it is wearing a Santa cap and has some small Christmas decorations on its muscular, brown body. It also seems to be ‘pulling’ a cart of Cadbury products.

Is it Rudolf’s new pose? No. It is a HORSE!

No one stopped to look at the Christmas horse except me who was wondering what had happened to the reindeer? Sigh. 

Readers are free to speculate (seriously/creatively) on why the store/sponsor chose the horse and not the reindeer for its Christmas theme.  🙂

Young At Heart

This post will be full of nonsense, sorry

Last week, when I attended a free musical performance in the Esplanade, all the performers are very young, but they said they are “old at heart”. They mean they like the old songs

I always hear someone say “I am young at heart”. I don’t know what they want to expect. How this phrase is used? Can I tell the others “I am young at heart”? This “old at heart” triggered me to google the meaning of “young at heart”

From Google, I found that “Young at Heart” is a movie of 1954 (Frank Sinatra, Doris Day, Gig Young), also there are a lot of definitions for “Young at Heart”. After I read some of them, I still cannot get an answer to my question.

Then I try to define it myself, first I tried to translate it from English to Chinese. I tried a few, and finially I use “???”

I also noticed that for the people they are younger than 45, they seldom say they are “Young at Heart”. But once someone pass 45, they start to say “I am young at heart”. The older they are, the more they said.

So I added two more words in front – “?????”

From there I tried to figured out what will happen when someone is “?????”

My first thought is the mind. When people are young, their mind will be naive, and become more and more mature when they grow older and older, so can the “Young at Heart” means “????, ????” But I drop this thought immediately, as in this IT era, This is not likely the case.

Then I realize the biggest different for young and old are their strength. Generally speaking, the young get more strength than the old. So the “Young at heart” should means their heart is young, but not their strength. To describe in Chinese, it should be “????”

At last, I got a definition I am satisfied and know how to use. Next time when someone ask me to do something, and I think I cannot, I will tell them -“I am young at herart” or more precisely “I am young at heart ONLY”

Fact of Life?

Amid the gloom and doom let’s take some times to laugh and laugh at ourselves. Share a light-hearted moment here with us and chase away all the worries.

Here is one, courtesy of Jeff Gan:

A girl brings her boyfriend home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father, a business tycoon, to find out about the young man.  He invites the boy to join him for green tea in his study.
 
“So what are your plans?” the father asks the boy.
“I am a religious scholar and want to marry your daughter,” he replies.
 
“A scholar,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, and to which she is accustomed?”
“I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”
 
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
 
“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the boy.
 

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions him, the boy insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, “Well, how did it go?”
 

The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I’m God.”

Dan

Silver Writing……………

May be some of the senior folks here will be interested in this:

Silver Writing

If yes, please check out the details at their website (www.theartshouse.com.sg) or call their hotline number (Tel: 6332 6919) to register for it etc…….

I have NO vested interest in this and neither have the time yet to go for this course…….

But thot that some senior folks here can kill some of their boring time with it…….lolzzzz!

Cheers!

What i like to see happening at the Club?

We may have voice this before but I feel it time to hear it again and better still if someone take the initiatives.

A matter close to my heart is to start a Mandarin speaking session for those wanting to improve their Mandarin conversation with one another.

The other idea is to start a Book Club for those avid readers who want to share their passion for reading and to encourage one another with setting goal to read more books.

As with any concern, just to put up a post can be life threatening. We worry for the responses, we worry how is the reaction and we just worry worry.

Give your encouragement here and if there is enough show of hands I will buck up and do something.

Dan

Are you happy for this Singapore man?

I have a story to tell.  Can’t resist sharing with you as I felt so happy for this man, and yet cannot imagine what this man and woman have to go through.

I just arrived at T2 today.  Was so thirsty that I decided to have a bubble tea outside belt 35. After ordering my favourite Al isan Tea, without sugar, and enjoying the pearls, I realised that there was this 50+ man standing in front of me, carrying a bouquet of flowers.  He was neatly dressed long sleeved and alone, pacing up and down the glass panels, peering at Belt 35 for someone he had been waiting for.  A man carrying flowers, quite a rare site in Singapore?  I guessed he was waiting for a lady.

10 mins later, he was joined by another men, slightly older and a lady, about 40 years old.  They too joined the first man, looking out for the same person.  After a while, I realised they were waiting for a lady, whom they likely know before, and probably it’s a first time for her, coming into Singapore.  From the conversation, loud enough, they had been waiting for an hour.  I could feel the second man was already annoyed and he said that she may have been stopped by immigration or customs, after all, it was her first time.  The first man obviously was not listening to the second man and the lady.  He persisted to look closer at the people around the belt.

Another 30 mins passed.  The second man and the lady, whom I suspect is the wife of the second man decided to leave.  But the first man stayed put.  He walked away for a few seconds, and then he came back to look through the glass. If my counting is working, he must be repeating these steps for at least 30 times. There was this feeling of pity in me, if he walked away and she arrived, or he waited longer and she never turned up. Finally, I saw him waving to the person he had been waiting for.  He tried to find the second man and lady.  But they must have left.

Although I did not dare to walk closer to him because I didn’t want to behave like a busy body, I could see the big smile on his face.  Now, this is when I couldn’t resist the urge in me.  I quickly finished my bubble tea, as you can imagine how difficult it is to suck in these pearls.  I followed him quickly to the exit to see him and peep at the lady from 2 metres away.  She was young and pretty indeed, I think around 25 years old, and very likely from Vietnam, as I had heard this language quite frequently.  She was dressed in a long colourful dress, with a slim fitting white floral blouse.

He gave her the bouquet of flowers, and hugged her many times, finally putting his hand around her shoulder, so intimately.  She was like a treasure to have for the remainder of his life.  And she too had a big smile on her, coming to Singapore for the first time and experiencing a new life in a foreign city.  Suddenly it daunted on me that she was half his age, and I wondered how the future would be like for both of them.  Right in my heart, I wish the best for both of them.  But, right behind my heart, I can imagine how tough going a life both of them would face.

In our national newspapers, we have always talked about this issue of Singapore men marrying foreign ladies.  My situation is no different.  I am not sure about them getting married, but seeing the big bouquet of flowers, and the presence of his brother and sis-in-law, the big smiles and the closeness between them, they could be or must be heading to ROM.

At the time of writing this post, I was actually on the train from the airport, and at Tanah Merah, the train stopped and everybody got out except me.  Few minutes later, I realised I was back at Changi airport.  I had to go back all the way to Paya Lebar MRT.

How do you feel for the guy and the gal?

Terence Seah

 

some jokes/sayings about growing old

1. My wife still gets orgasms – unfortunately she gets them from shopping.. Ed Fischer
2. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week..
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing..
She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.. Henry Youngman
3. You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.. George Burns
4. It was a major operation – they removed my savings account, my car, my house….
5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.. Fred Allen
6. Happiness is good health and bad memory.. Ingrid Bergman
7. Wrinkles are hereditary. You get them from your kids.. Erma Bombeck
8. Old people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get.. Anonymous

Funny familiar forgotten feelings.

In response to Terence’s fantasy on our secondary days I want to add on it. Those were the days in school where we rejoice over the time spend learning and preparing our life for the tasks ahead.

I remember where towards the end of our secondary days we gathered together to do something meaningful and where we will cherished for life. The thing we do is to get those friends that we met to write on our autograph books. It will be something for each of us to remember the good times spend together in school.

I want to recollect here some of the poems that were written down. Most of them I have forgotten. These are some I remember. Some are rhymes and rhythm, some love poems. How many have ever ask your school mates to sign your autograph?

Here goes:

"Roses are red and violet are blue, I am allergic, I will sue".

"Drink hot coffee and drink hot tea, burn your lip and remember me".

"Remember me and my wishes while in the kitchen washing dishes, if the water is too hot, cool it and forget me not."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you."

"Remember me early, remember me late, remember me at the old school gate".

More to come and I hope to get more contribution from fella members.

 

Dan

Think outside the Box.

Time for a laugh, too long has this post been quiet. Start cracking your heads and share your viewpoints who the man will marry!!!

Courtesy from Mega.

Dan

A man wanted to get married.  He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.  He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.  She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup;  buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.  She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.  She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.  As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..


Again, the man is impressed.


The third invests the money in the stock market.  She earns several times the $5,000.  She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.  She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.


Obviously, the man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Some Q and A when I visit outside

When I visited outside last month, I encountered the following questions and answers:

Q and A 1

A lady asked me: “Do you think the ladies here
charming?”

I replied: “Of course. Here, the ladies who were in their 20s
like roses, those who were in their 30s like a love song and who were 40 become
perfect”

The lady asked again: “How about those after 40?”

I mulled over for a while and replied: "No comment. As no matter what their age are, all the ladies here never look over 40"

Q and A 2

A lady asked me: "Do you like the ladies here more, or like the ladies in Singapore more?"

I replied: "I like all the ladies who like me"

Q and A 3 

 One night, it was late, someone knock on my door. When I opened the door, I found a beautiful young lady standing outside.

When she saw me, she showed embarrassed and said: "Sorry, I should knock at the wrong door"

I said: "the door is right , but the time has belated for 40 years" 

Q & A ?

Man comes home , finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALLyour friends"

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother".
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime.
Wife replies," No, It means..With Idiot For Ever!!!"

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one,my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies, " No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential.
Dad says, "You are my son, I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!"

Two jokes about language

Woke up from the sweet and lovely X’mas Eve last night, already 2:00pm. Wow, ‘Shiok’

When I came to Singapore, and heard this word, I wondered why our Singaporean always ‘Shock’. After a while, I understand it means something like ‘?’ in the HK Cantonese.

This reminded me two jokes about the language in Chinese and like to share here:

Joke 1: "??"

One year when I was young, me and a group of my Hong Kong friends visited Taiwan. When we strolling around, we found that we had lost our way. I saw a beautiful girl in front, then I approached her and asked: "????…".

Without me finished, the beautiful girl open her charming mouth in an ‘O’ form and uttered "?". I looked around and found nothing surrounded me. I turn to the girl and asked again: "????…". The girl looked impatient, but still uttered "?" again….. Why???!!!

After some explanation, I finally knew that she thought I said "????” instead of "????". Oop…. – end of joke 1

Joke 2: "??"

One X’mas Eve, me and 4 friends immigrated from HK went to a friend’s house for a re-union party. As we planned the party will last late and we will leave around 3:00 am, A friend was chosen to be the driver who sent the rest home, so he was not allowed to drink anything with alcohol. 

After the event and on our way home, we were stopped by a barricade in ECP. A person with uniform (the man) approached our car. After my friend opened the window, the man put his head near the car and said: "????".

My friend replied immediately: "Including me, only 5, where got nine? Are you drunk"

Ha ha, he thought that the man said "??" instead of "??" – end of joke 2

Hope this 2 jokes can create some smiles in the X’mas time and must apologize to the members not good in Chinese, may be they do not understand the jokes.

Do you have jokes about the languages (Chinese, dialect, Malaysia, etc) can share?

Merry X’mas and Happy New Year.  

ALAMAK, WHY ME!

Everyone of us has a story to tell. Having gone through half a century of living and working and being in and out of love, we certainly have encounter an experience that left a lasting impression.
We often wonder how we survive a certain situation in life which left us thinking and thanking providence that we are safe.

There are incidents in my life that left me thinking hard, was it a stroke of fate or lack of attention on my part?

Readers are encourage here to share their life stories.

Here are an excerpt of my life I want to share with you. I know that whenever we reveal a part of our life,
we put ourselves in a vulnerable position for others to judge us. Do we succumbed to such critical remarks or we stand firm in the belief that nothing will affect us as long as our conscience are sincere.
Some are ready to capitalise on the slightest mistake make which turn them into a monstrous rumour monger. Other take delight knowing that we commit a grave offence.

I have come to a stage of my life where I am past caring. Each step on our journey of life brings
us nearer to meet our Maker. Not many of us may live long enough to write our biography. Here is
such an opportunity. I believe story can be shared to bring out the intricacies and beauty of life.
Can we know joy without going through pain or happiness without sorrows. Most of us are well brought
up in life having parent that ensure that we are loved and are given an education that set them for
life, what about those that are deprived?

My story:

‘When I was in Secondary School, I remembered an incident that till today I wonder why I did it. It
was the school sport day, I was a venture scout. We were supposed to put up a show where some of us
have to walk on an omega bridge which is  made of rope suspended about six foot from the
ground, another rope is suspended above our head. I have a part to play and that is to fall off the
bridge. As I fell off, the St. John Brigade rush forward to attend to me, the nurses were concern and enquire for my well being. A stretcher was make from two poles and a scout shirt act as the canvass. I was carried to the tent where I stood up and walk away without a scratch.

This act was enacted to show the preparedness of Boy Scout. How did I survive the fall, well, I was
able to break my fall because since young my dad took me for judo class, I think I have a blue belt
but my older sister the brown belt. Why did I shared this, it because if I fell wrongly, I may be paralyze for life!’

SHC platform is for us to meet new friend and to get better acquainted. Usually better rapport
are achieved in meeting or smaller group. Doing it here on the post is another ball game, can it
achieve some form of understanding and care among member?

Now you know a part of my life and what make me tickle, do I bite? Would you dare to share your most
unforgettable and memorable moments in your life here?

There are more incidents to share, my next installment:
How I try to ‘commit suicide’ when I did a bungee jump’

Dan

Puss n Boobs

With fear and trepidation I shall  proceed to put up this post

Dun worry, no contorted extravaganza.

Geraldine and Daniel, here goes.

Puss n Boobs.

Ah ha, Tom cat was looking for his boots and found tabby cat looking at her boobs.
(Sound sexciting!)
Tom cat asked pussy cat to go boot camp.
(How come you read my mind?)
Hee. Camping site is ready dear. Bring the sticks to set the fire.
(Good, we shall have a rendezvous!)
Pussy cat will be waiting in the moonlight.
(Tom cat shall swing along in the twilight!)

Meow.

(Meow, meow)

The conversation goes on, wat do you supposed it will be like?

Dan

Time to crack some heads.

Just an excuse to bring live to this post, I am about to pose some riddles on lateral thinking. The topic on the economic situation now and in the future may seem hard to bear but to some of us we prefer to act like the ostrich who attempts to ignore unpleasant facts and situations.

These ten riddles may require much stretching of the imagination, not to think logically but to think laterally.

1. The Man in the Elevator.

A man lives on the tenth floor of a bulding. Every day, he takes the elevator to the first floor to go to work. When he returns, he always takes the elevator to the seventh floor and then walks the remaining flights of stairs to his apartment on the tenth floor. Why does he do this?

2. The Two Americans

There were two Americans waiting at the entrance to the National Museum. One of them was the father of the other one’s son. How could this be so?

3. A Chess Piece

Two grandmasters played five games of chess. Each won the same mumber of games and lost the same number of games. There were no draws in any of the games, How could this be so?

4. The Coal, Carrot, and Scarf

Five pieces of coal, a carrot, and a scarf are lying on the lawn. Nobody put them on the lawn, but there is a perfectly logical reason for their being there. What is it?

5. The Silent Cabbie

A Comfort driver picked up a lady who was a notorious chatterbox. He did not want to engage in conversation, so he pretended to be deaf and dumb. He pointed to his mouth and ears to indicate that he could neither speak nor hear. After she alighted, he pointed to the meter so that she could see how much she owed. She paid him and walked off. Then she realized that he could not have been a deaf mute. How did she know?

6. Happy or Sad

Three women dressed in swimsuits were standing together. Two were sad and one was happy. But the sad women were both smiling and the happy one was crying. Why should that be so?

7. The Coffee Drinker

A man in a restaurant complained to the waiter that there was a fly in his cup of coffee. The waiter took the cup away and promised to bring a fresh cup of coffee. He returned a few moments later. The man tasted the coffee and complained that this was his original cup of coffee with the fly removed. He was correct, but how did he know?

8. The Dream

The boss of a storage warehouse had just arrived at work when one of his employees burst into his office. The man explained that while asleep the previous night he had dreamed that one of the stored boxes contained a bomb that would expode at two pm,. causing a terrible fire. the boss was skeptical, but agreed to investigate. After a search, a bomb was found in the area foreseen in the man’s dream. The police were called, the bomb defused, and a tragedy averted. Afterwards, the boss thanked the employee sincerely and then fired him.

The sacked  man had not planted the bomb, and his prophetic dream had saved the warehouse from destruction. Yet the manager was right to fire him. How could that be so?

9. Anthony and Cleopatra

Anthony and Cleopatra are lying dead on the floor in an Egyptian villa. Nearby is a broken bowl. There are no marks on their bodies and they were not poisoned. Not a person was in the villa when they died. How did they die?

10. Five Men

Five men were proceeding together down a country path. It began to rain. Four of the men quickened their step and began to walk faster. The fifth man made no effort to move any faster. However, he remained dry and the other four got wet. They all arrived at their destination together. How could this be so?

N.B. They relied only on foot power.

11. Family Reunion

At a family reunion, it was found that the following relationships existed between the people present: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, Uncle, Aunt, Brother, sister, Cousin, Nephew, Niece. However, there were only four people there. How could this be so?

12. Stuck Tight

A truck became wedged under a low bridge. It could not move forward or back without severely damaging its roof. The truck driver was perplexed until a little girl standing nearby suggested an easy solution. What was it?

13. Another Riddle

What is it that the man who makes it does not need; the man who buys it does not use himself, and person who uses it does so without knowing?

Jokes – Good New Year Resolutions

Have you made your 2011 resolutions? Wish you have them fulfilled in the coming year, otherwise hope
at least some of them turn out to be light-hearted.

1. Spending more time with family:
Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother’s mother-in-law.
"Now I can’t make up my mind whether he’s my dad or my father-in- law," says my brother, "or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother,
or whether my child is my daughter or my niece." — Oscar Reagan

2. Getting in shape:
A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get him to run with our jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise. Soon thereafter, he reluctantly joined us for our 5:30 a.m. jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be hooked, especially when he said he had discovered what "runner’s euphoria" was.

"Runner’s euphoria," he explained, "is what I feel at 5:30 on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays while I am still dozing in my bed" — Neil P. Budge

3. Starting that diet:
My friend Fresna Ess announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

"Good!" I exclaimed. "I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out.
When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first."

"Great!" she replied. "I’ll ride with you." — Katina Fisher

4. Quit smoking:
My buddy asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I thought you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking".
The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.

What’s phase one?

I’ve quit buying.  – Jake Ess

5. Eating healthier:
The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’ " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it."

When the woman finished, she paused, looked up, and said, "Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?" 
— David Martino

6. Reducing your debt:
Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife Susanne had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum.
The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

“You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “Since Susanne wants a grand patio,
I just threw some of her jewelries in there.”
— R. Horn

7. Learning new things:
Being the talkative type, I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter.
Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, "For the show, what do you think I should do, sing, play the harmonica or put on a comedy act?"

Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, "Why not be quiet and try the mime?" — Kimmie Helk

8. Better teeth care:
Just because one owns a business doesn’t mean it has to be all business.
This sign in a dentist’s office proves that point:
"Be True to Your Teeth, or They Will Be False to You." — James Wertz

9. Becoming more organized:
My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed:
"I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the above." — Mary I. Costain

10 Drinking less
I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?" I asked. He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what’s in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It’s wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully,
"Sauvignon blanc." — Christie Eckels

Let’s celebrate. It’s after all A BRAND NEW 2011 in 2 days time.
——————————————————————————————————————————-

Acknowledgement :- Most of the above quotes taken from Reader’s Digest, with slight mod.
 

Two riddles

Like to share 2 riddles to the members

The riddles

  1. What machines like to hurt themselves most (???????????) (a type of machine)
  2. What is the heavies noodle in the world (??????????) (a type of food)

Person eligible to guess – Members proficient in Chinese and English

Person restricted to guess

  1. Karen Thio – you canot do riddle 1 as I have already told you the answer
  2. Cat Yeo – you cannot do riddle 2 as it is created by us in the dinner, remember?
  3. Joy – you can do both, but please don’t change them into fairy tales

Warning – there is a side-effect for these two riddles, many people like to scratch their head while guessing, and cause some degree (light or serious) of hair drop, I won’t take responsibility for this

Enjoy the riddles

Should we have an agenda for the monthly meeting?

Most of us are glad to be a member at the Silverhairs Club and appreciate what Terence has done in providing a platform for us to meet. So far Terence has suggested and introduce many activities and carry it through in the last few years. As member we are happy to be part of this and look forward to more participation to come.

Is there something we could do or suggest to bring the club to the next level? Out of this Club many smaller groups are formed and they in turn meet up privately and persue their common interest.

The September meeting will be different from what we had previously. Live singing  by Jeffrey Gan on the keyboard and karoeke singing where member brings their own cd wll be the happenings of the day! Board and card games will also be encourage where member can look for other member sharing similar interest.

I would like to see more participation from member, how about meeting up and have a time where various member can share their thought and mission in life, something in line with Toastmaster International. Having our meeting in Han’s may not provide the privacy needed in such sharing by public speaking. We need to find a place more enclosed for such.

We all come from various background, there will be something exciting to share. Having to make comment on the post may be prohibiting as certain topic may be sensitive. When we meet and listen to fellow member share their goals and ideal in life, a certain bond are created.

Volunteers will be ask to share something about their life that  is memorable and enriching. Do you know that I have tried bungee jumping just because I was trying to get someone’s attention. Oh, there are so much to share and talk about.

It may be just meeting up and sharing each other profile and ideal in life. So, fellow member come to this September gathering. I would want to try something out where we allocate a time frame for each of us to speak out and suggest what they want to see happening in this unigue Club! So many thing I would want to share, my life, my passion and motivation in life and of course some of you may want to share too. Let’s hear from you?

Desperate Dan

Santa Claus is coming to town ….

A bad role model for children, promoted obesity, drunk-driving, speeding and an unhealthy lifestyle?? …therefore instead of gorging minced pies/brandy and idling in his sleigh, Santa should go on a diet and swap his reindeer for walking, jogging or cycling to deliver his presents hahaha (may be the new year resolution for Santa !).. Do share ur humorous lines and the perfect image of Santa to be then…. A Blessed and Merry X’mas to ALL too ** Oops : If Santa sneezes or coughs around 10 times a day, all the children who sit on his lap may end up with H1N1 flu as well as their Christmas presents" emoticon

JOKES

Some jokes would like to share with all of you

Joke 1

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song" Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti: (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them they only  have English songs and told them to re-select another song. Ah Beng were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming he DJ was insulting them. The Manager had to intervene in order to calm them down, finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that there were actually asking for the song " Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

Joke 2

The Titanic was sinking and there weren’t lifeboats, So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and young children.

To the British he said, "You must act like gentlement". They Jumped.

To the Americans he said, " You can be heroes." They Complied…

To the Germans he said, "it’s the rule." They Obeyed.

To the Japanese he said, " It’s the consensus." They Obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren’t budging until he came up with the appeal: Free Life Jackets for those who jumpted.

Profound quotes or phrases

I thought I’d start a thread whereby all of us can share quotes or phrases that is meaningful and worth pondering over.

Here’s mine that I received via email from a good friend.

"Apologizing does not mean that you are wrong and the other one is
right…It simply means that you value the relationship much more than
your ego  …"

Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day:
Ah Pek and Ah Ma were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second
and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across,
gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers, got out of bed and walk away.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
"To get my teeth lah!"

Get together and laughter and jokes corner

hi fellow SHCians,

I would appreciate feedback of a get together for members interested in joining a laugther and jokes corner, where we could have coffee, chat, bbq, pot luck to each other home or outside and shared some laughter, humorous stories and jokes or creative writing as a hobby corner

pls comment your feedback or write to me at angsylvia58@gmail.com with your contact and email address

lets brainstorm some ideas before we start a jokes, stories telling, humorous and laughter corner to have coffee together.

once we have enought people I will set up a meeting.

sylvia ang (oe)

pls register your interest here and leave your comment, phone no.

1.

Rumours 4 U

Hi All

Last week’s cycling session hd been a fruitful one. Some of us (those who hd sat at the round table) chatted n came out wif a refreshing idea. Now we see the birth of Rumours Group. What is all this "Group" about? Objective is 2 bring u the latest "Rumour" in SHC. No prize 4 guessing subject n source of reference.

Criteria :

1) Source : from SHC’s members

2) Reference : SHC’s events, people or anything u can find in SHC.

1st rumour : One member is pregnant n will give birth of National Day, 8 Aug 09.

YK

P/s : Sorry, my round table fellows, got this up late instead of Sat’s nite.  

 

 

Stories, Jokes & Quotes

Hi All:

Just sharing some funny jokes to lighten your day as well as mine since I am down with flu,

for your reading pleasure:

Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what  
had happened in the past.                                                  
Student : Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.          
Teacher : Why?                                                            
Student : There is no future in it.                                        
……….. ………. ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… .
                                                                           
                                                                           
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much    
would your father still have?                                              
Ted : $10.                                                                
Teacher : You don’t know maths.                                            
Ted : You don’t know my father!                                            
………… ……… ………. ……… ……… …….. ……….  
……..                                                                  
                                                                           
Mother : David, come here.                                                
David : Yes, mum?                                                          
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.        
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.                      
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am        
scolding you now.                                                          
………… ……… ……… ………. …….. ……… ……….  
……..                                                                  
                                                                           
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?                          
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8                                        
Father : So?                                                              
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she  
can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?                    
………… . ……… ……… …….. ……… ……… ……….  
………                                                                  
                                                                           
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were      
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of        
breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her
father.                                                                    
                                                                           
Daughter : It’s mummy!                                                    
Father : How do you know?                                                  
Daughter : She didn’t say anything.                                        
………… ……….. ……… ……… ……… …….. ………  
……..                                                                  
                                                                           
Girl: Do you love me?                                                      
Boy: Yes Dear                                                              
Girl: Would you die for me?                                                
Boy: No, mine is undying love                                              
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —                    
                                                                           
Man: How old is your father?                                              
Boy: As old as me                                                          
Man: How can that be?                                                      
Boy: He became a father only when I was born                              
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —                    
                                                                           
Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.                  
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.              
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— —                            
                                                                           
Teacher : Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your  
brother’s. Did u copy his?                                                
Simon : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!                                    
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —                    
                                                                           
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!  
Son : That’s why I say she’s no good!                                      
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —                    
                                                                           
Teacher: "Where were u born?"                                              
Student: " Singapore , Sir."                                              
Teacher: "Which part?"                                                    
Student: "All of me, Sir."                                                
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-                  
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between ‘unlawful’
and ‘illegal’?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the        
teacher. "’unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and      
‘illegal’ is a sick eagle."                                                
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —                  
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"                            
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."                                                    
Teacher: "Use your dad’s then."                                            
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."                                                    
                                                                           
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-                  
                                                                           
A boy came home from school with his exam results.                        
"What did u get?" asked his father.                                        
"My marks are under water," said the boy.                                  
"What do u mean ‘under water’?"                                            
"They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level"                                       
                                                                           
 Have a nice day everyone                                                                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           

Love Mom Joke

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his
mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful Ben’s roommate was. She had long
been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only
made her more curious.


Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to
wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading
his mom’s thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking,
but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
"You don’t suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be
sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a
gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Allison, and I’m not
saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

 

Love, Mom"