This topic may sound strange; but without doubt, this is also one of my favourites.
For a long time already, I have been wanting to get more men to join SHC activities. Although we do have many men joining SHC as members, we seem to have more ladies participating in the activities. Men seem to watch from afar. Women seem to want to stand right in front.
During one of my conversations, i questioned why more women participate in activities. Because they want to make more friends? And this seemed to be the most popular response. Now, what about men? Dont they want to have more friends? Well, the response is also similar; and that is they too want to meet and have more friends. So, what’s the diff?
And, out of the blue, and I have heard this twice, "Women can live alone; Men cannot." Well, I hope this topic can be a weekend discussion. Do you agree? I hope to use this feedback to find ways to get more men to join SHC activities.
Terence Seah
Terence, perhaps you can organize some ‘male only’ activities to draw more men to SHC? Then, after they are comfortable they can then be drawn to mixed sexes events?
I get this feeling of deja vu – like this topic has been discussed before, if not here at some other forums. Hmmm…..
Have a great weekend everyone!
Ros
if you look at the statement at another angle, it should read: women cannot live alone, they have to have company, therefore they join the activitives. While men can live alone,therefore they don’t join. Well… this may not be true. Anyway, I don’t know the answer. Some guesses:
maybe they have their own badminton kaki
or own social friends
or cannot rattle their tongue away (most women can)
or else they feel loss, not knowing anyone
I believe man can live alone, like myself I can play chess, mahjong, bedminton and swimming. There alwas a good book to read. Or go to the movies. Most other men are either occupy by having a blind dates with the horses at the Turf Club, go to the Golf Club or Night Club. Then there are other group who like to go happy hours with their buddies. There’s so much to do and not enough time. Which is why most men dun join Silverhairs Club because it reminds them that it is the place for those experiencing their twilight years!
Women would like to join our Club to meet new friend. There can easily chat up with one another and go shopping or gossiping. Hope I dun steps on any toes here. No man or woman can live alone unless they can keep their mind occupied.
Women are by nature sensitive creatures and sometimes we have to think of ways and means to get in their good book. You dun know wat they are thinking all the times, you just have to be aware wat you have not been doing for them for they will keep reminding you where you are lacking. I am treading on ground where angels fear to wander, here hoping that I will survive an onslaught that is coming!
Dan
It is believed that our personality is the driving force behind the experiences we undergo. Chance play only a small role. I’ll take an academic approach here.
In Women, the C….. C……. which connects the right and left hemisphere of the brain, is thicker (than men). Thus, women are better at communicating, more able to express emotions and understand the feelings of others. Yes, women are wired more efficiently for the task of Social Interaction. At the senior years, women loss of brain tissue occur more in the areas related to memory – so becoming forgetful and may encounter difficulties at locating objects.
In Men, the M…. P……. area of the brain is 2½ times larger than those in women and since this region contains the major cells responsive to “male” hormones, they typically have heightened curiosity, sex drive, aggression and competitive behaviour. As men age, they lose brain tissues mainly in the frontal lobes –areas associated with thinking and processing emotions – thus the making of grumpy, fussy old men.
Not surprisingly, the comfort zones for each, are different – sorry to take out some mystery here. The above is only one explanation as to why men and women may approach issues differently (disorder excepted).
Maybe both can live alone, but a connecting door in the wall between them is better.
HC
Interesting comments from the men so far; there is no right or wrong here. Different views open our mind or even change our mindset as long as it is not offensive.
Dissection time.
Some men (emphasis on SOME) join this club with an agenda; I am not talking about finding mj, golf kakis etc which is excellent if you do find them. When they feel or think nothing interests them, they are not interested to join the activities simply because they know they will not ‘score’.
Women, on the other hand, join the activities to make friends, yada yada, to size up the ‘competition’, whatever that means but ultimately, most women are here to give a hand when necessary, supportive and so on and so forth. Some men in this club are like this, too, helpful and supportive and take the initiative to organize something. These are the men the club should look for.
As to Daddy’s question why there are less men participating in our activities, there you have it.
FIRSTLY, define the word “live”. To an average young person, it means eat, walk, work, sleep, play and yes sex. After a certain age, companionship is the main concern; such as looking after each other when sick. So, unless absolutely no choice; nobody, MEN or WOMEN, would want to “live” alone.
The phrase “…live alone” needs qualification. Does it mean physically living alone? a loner? recluse? or as my interpretation: being single and celibate.
Many single women are also celibate and happy. It’s a lifestyle choice. Many men are single but may not be celibate. They have ‘outlets’ …a ‘secret’ life…
Hence, apart from men who have taken the vow of chastity and recluses, generally I agree that men cannot live alone; women can.
My 2 cts’ worth :)
Hou Chong #4
Could you please enlighten.
C…C.. is the Cerebral Cortex or the Corpus Callosum?
And what is the M..P… in the male? I searched my brain and couldn’t come up with a part of the brain with those initials.
Daniel Chan #6 Jassmine #7
I quite agree with what you both said.
It all depends on what the definition of ‘living alone’ is.
Based on the definition that ‘living alone’ means not having any social interaction with other people, I think both men and women don’t want to do that.
Human beings are gregarious and given a choice, will not want to be alone and isolated permanently, regardless of whether they are male or female, with the exception of the rare hermit who probably has his or her own reason for wanting to be one.
We all need our space sometimes and want to be ‘alone’ with ourselves, to do our own ‘things’ but there will be times when some sort of human companionship is necessary, whether in the form of a close companion or just casual acquaintances or even participating in social activities with total strangers.
Even people who have taken religious vows (priests and nuns etc) do not denounce human interaction.
In my opinion, no ‘normal’ person, man or woman, wants to live alone.
Based on the other definiton of living alone, i.e., having a constant companion, I do know of some women who prefer not to have one as they believe that it complicates their lives.
They “don’t think it’s worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage” to quote Andy Rooney. Sounds crude, but …hahaha.
To some of these women, even the sausage has probably lost its appeal, hahaha. There are many more interesting things in life to do and experience than drool over a sausage.
Terence
Regarding your attempt to get more men to join in the club, I hate to disappoint you.
I have been involved in organising quite a few social activities in other ‘clubs’ and there has always been very good response from women but few men want to participate.
I get feedback from some people that men prefer to join ‘clubs’ and activities where they can ‘show off’ their prowess, like in golfing, toastmastering, trekking, archery, chess ‘championship’ etc. So, if you want to get guys to join in, there must be some sort of activity where they can compete with other men, of course, apart from competing for a woman’s attention, hee hee.
Hi Mary Chan at message #10,
Regarding your reason for men non-participation of social activities, I believe these are politically correct reasons and I don’t think men would like to tell the real reasons to the opposite sex. :)
Hi Mary,
#8
Sorry for not spelling out, they are a mouthful
CC is for Corpus Callosum
MP is for the Medial preoptic area within the Hypothalamus
Regarding the Pig and Sausage thingy..haha; guys have a comparable saying too.
Another popular statement about our differences “men don’t listen and women can’t read maps”. Ever figure out how that came about?
Hi Steven,
# 11
I have been asking ladies to share with me, their secrets to keeping the youthful looks. Most times, I ended up buying bottles after bottles of products from them. Many years have since passed, I can safely conclude that none divulged their secrets..ka sian !
Hold on to yours.
HC
Hv had a happy day for 2 reasons : kid finally puts efforts in her studies and while strolling with her for the warm-down, we saved a cat and now feel this delirious urge to write………
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Harlow everyone,
I have read with interest the above ‘debate’ which is getting hotter and spicier. Wd also like to join in the fun by adding my 2 cents worth of comments. However, no offence to anyone as I’m merely quoting from two authors.
Allan and Barbara Pease, bestselling authors of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, in trying to solve the mystery of attraction have said that:
“Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.”
True or False? kekekeke
For more differences in the makeup and thinking of men and women, you may wish to read their most excitihng book “Why Men want Sex and Women need Love”. In this book, Allan and Barbara show you how to find true happiness and compatibility with the opposite sex. Haha…..
Cheers,
Gabriella Chua
Geraldine, HenryY, StevenN,
Yeap, I note your suggestions on how to bring men into SHC activites. Now, in your mind, you have an answer to the differences between men and women. And I see you explain the differences as something inborn. Meaning we are born a men, and so we have these traits. We are born a women, we then get to inherit these other traits.
And Mary, Gabriella and Jassmine, I sense your thinking that men go for sex, and they can have sex somewhere, and maybe that’s why they don’t join SilverHairsClub. So, men can live alone, no need to have a man around.
I am trying to find that hidden reason how to get more men to join SilverHairsClub. So far, reading the comments and feedback, I read our obstacle, in getting more men to join activities, is due mainly to two reasons. First, the problem is inherited because we are either men or women. Second, the activities do not attract the men.
Keep your suggestions and views coming. This is an easy problem, we don’t need fairy godmother.
Have fun expressing yourself.
Terence Seah
Happiness is hort-lived. sad again, not least, to read of the suicide which sadly attest to the notion that women cant live alone…….
Yes, marriage vows are to be taken seriously but this seriously?
Santa, you can cheer me up with your fantastic offers such as ulu kway thrashes yow char kwai 5-0 tonite?
In the meantime, will brood till i hear from you or can find another cat to rescue.
Ng Peng Kiam#11
Would you like to be the first to tell us ladies your real reason for joining in the social activities? ;-)
It’s perfectly ok if you’d rather not. Hahaha.
Hou Chong #12
Thanks for the clarification. For a moment, I thought your M..P.. stood for something else although the two are very closely related.
Regarding that thing about ‘youthful look’. Didn’t you know that it can be bought at the plastic surgeon’s office? That is, if one has the money. Only rich tai tais can remain looking youthful.
Ordinary people like us can only try some of the products that claim to retain youthfulness or reverse the ravages of aging, some of which do work to a certain extent.
A lot of it is in the genes. A person’s outlook of life also plays a part.
So, don’t fret. Go ahead and splash on that moisturiser and sunblock and hope for the best.
Regarding that other thing about man and listening and women and maps, go read the books Gabriella recommended. They have a humourous but spot on approach to man-woman relationships.
I may be a woman but that’s not to say that I can’t read maps. It’s just that I don’t read them the way men do, hahaha.
Hey Gabriella # 14,
My neighbourhood stray tom cats and dogs also have the same basic instincts (hungry and horny)! Apa macham? What are the implications? lol.
Hi Jassmine and Grabriella,
I suddenly got an idea. Two basic instincts should attract more men to come. Now, we do have a lot of makan sessions. So the hunger instint is taken care of.
Now, I think we should have more horny sessions. So, guys and gals, what do you think?
Terence Seah
Terence
The last time you had an all male gathering was about 6 months back at Lau Pa Sat. Not many attended and the place was too noisy for proper conversation. I think it is time to have another one.
This time it should be at a quiet place where men can talk quietly. The topic for discussion is ‘What do man want. Really’. Man do like to meet other men for networking instead of partying. They also like to talk about their exploits which they have been keeping from their wife and family and cannot tell other ladies.
Of course if you add a few gorgeous China Girls you will get more interest. We can than test Gaballa’s theory of us being ‘hungry and horny’. We will have both there.
Seriously, I think the sex bit is overplayed. With a very few exception, I think most men who join SHC for companionship. If they are looking for sex here than I think they are desparate and ignorant. There are many other places with larger supply of beautiful fresh meat. I say this not as an insult to ladies here. I am sure at this age you SHC ladies want to be known for you elegance and charactor not to sell your meat. ( I better stop here before I kenna hammer)
Tian Soo #21,
I guess we can have an all man’s night in August. Let me just pick a date out of the sky; and we find a suitable place. The World Cup should be over; and we can have time for ourselves.
I know we wont be able to pick a date to suit all, so here’s one date that will suit me. So sorry guys. The date is Tuesday 17 Aug 2010 evening.
Terence Seah
Hullo friends,
Happy to note that my comments at #14 is luring out so many worms from the holes. Another prominent difference between men and women:
Men see women as sex objects.
Women see men as success objects
True or False?
Most men don’t know that the biggest turn-on for women isn’t the sight of an erection; it’s more likely to be the sight of a man cooking dinner, doing the dishes, feeding the kids and putting his dirty clothes in the laundry….
kekekekekeeeeeeeeeeeee
#21: TS – no Gaballa in SHC, only Gabriella (haha)
Cheers,
Gabriella Chua
Gabriella,
During the Taiwan trip, you did mentioned about this book that you are reading right now. From your comments and quotes…..hmmmm..very interesting! Can I borrow your book? kekekekeeeeeeeeeee
Ah Nee
Hi Ah Nee
#24, I know you are on the waiting list for this book. But, I’ve not quite finished with it yet!! May take some time, friend … as it is a really ‘juicy’ book! Needs time to taste, chew and digest. kekekekeeeeeeeeeeee…
Cheers,
Gabriella
Hi Gabriella#23
You sound like a fun person. Hope I can meet you someday.
May I add to the list of turn-ons for women:
After all of the above stated in #23, a man can still make long, intense and passionate love……..
If you know of such a man, let me know and I’ll come running. Kekekekeee.
Wiseman Soo
Very wise of you to stop. Good that you see the 45vers and above ladies here would like to be known for our elegance and CHARACTER.
We’ve earned it.
Hi Mary #18
Mmm, our genes must decide for themselves whether remaining youthful in looks, is in their work card..haha, no worries. I feel that maintaining a youthful disposition and demeanour is important too. SHC can be a useful place to develop the know-how and who knows, the grumpy and fussy old one may soon become a “precious” find.
I noticed that some lady navigators turned the map around on their laps every time the driver does a U-turn. Haha..does that sound familiar? Fortunately, there is no need to for anyone to get worked-up with poor map reading skills anymore. Men has come up the global positioning system ..bravo.
Men can enjoy the activites in SHC as it is, no need to consider the lure of sex – beg your pardon, we are silverhairs afterall. A sandwich will be fine..ahem.
Reading the above and acknowledging that we have our different make-up, it would be fair to say that certain SHC activities appeal more to the women and other activities appeal more to the men. The ones which appeal to both are the winners.
HC
Hi Hou Chong,
I have noticed my wife tends to turn the map around whenever I do an U-turn. I won’t tell her but I will test her out again when we get into Perth this month. Guess she is a woman, and glad she is.
On your point about certain activities that appeal to both sexes, I think SilverHairsClub is still trying to find the magic formula. My observations are dancing tends to attract mainly ladies, the makans see more men, the walking and the cycling still attracts many ladies while the monthly gatherings seem to gather momentum with more and more men participating.
The men’s night, I guess can only attract men, while the more formal topics like trading and gambling may change the group sex ratio.
Another 50 cents worth.
Terence Seah
Hi Geraldine #26
Hope to see you too… I can sense your good sense of humour …
“Life without friends is like a garden without flowers” heeheehee….
Cheers,
Gabriella
Greetings Gabriella not Gaballa……
#30 life without friends, just want to share with those mothers who has daughters…….Strait Times A24 Wrecked lives of Helicopter Parents…
quote
Many of the helicopter mother I’ve spoken to have told me often with pride that their daugthers are their best friends. At first, I wondered why these women wouldn’t prefer to spend their free time with people their own age……………but as I look more closely…….they have no free time……
unquote
terence, congrats, you marry well. You find a wife who turns the map round and not yr head round after round, fold the map and piak it on yr head.
Btw, santa, advised by his woman, has recouped 2000 of the 7000 after Spain let in a stupiak goal late in the match after some of the Uru wives & gfs bent low to distract.
Useful to have women in tow.
Hou Chong #28 Terence #29
Haven’t you noticed that the GPS actually turns the map around whenever you make a turn? They must have got this idea from a woman!
So men, don’t ridicule a woman for turning the map round. It’s only logical to do that right? Hee hee.
Greetings to you too, Freda #31
Thanks for drawing my attention to the ST article which I’ve read with a gleeful smile. V interesting indeed.
I can enjoy life to the fullest now that I’ve past the ‘helicopter parent’ age… albeit I was not one then. kekekeke…relief….
True, daughters are the best friends of mothers!
Cheers…..
Mother of 2 young adult children
“Women cannot live along, Men can”. Maybe I have given the wrong impression to some. True, we need to understand why men and women are different. However, the intention is to identify these differences and find means and ways to balance the sexes in SilverHairsClub.
It’s not the intention to identify superior or inferior traits with either men or women.
I guess some fun is ok, if it serves the intention.
I am looking carefully at Grabriella, Jassmine, Hou Chong, Tian Soo and Mary’s feedback. I think there may be something in your suggestions that we can finetune and turn them into activities that will attract more men.
Many social groups think that women are the attraction while other groups think men themselves are the attraction. We need your help to get the idea process going. Thinking ??
Terence Seah
Without doubt no man is an island so is it for the woman. Man and woman needs each other. We are made in this way, like a vacuum that need to be filled. Talking abour GPS, all men has an in-built ones that when put on automatic search is bound to hit it target one way or another!
So far I think we do not have a proper recruitment campaign to rope in more men to the Club. Somebody did suggested having name cards where it is so easy to pass to all the potential male candidates to join the Club. The cost is pretty low, why dun we try it out?
Dan
Hi Terence # 20,
i don’t know about horny sessions but i think men would be attracted to join soccer matches, fishing, travels…networking gatherings…empowering/educational talks/sharing on eg, Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA), health care … serious issues that impact our lives, and skills-learning kind of talks/sharing where some know-how and useful knowledge could be picked up.
My 2 cts’ worth :)
Hi Jassmine #37,
Excellent, I like your recommendations. Pse also let me know what is LPA, and your ideas on what are the issues impacting our lives.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence #35
Just my 2 cents worth of food for thought –
Lure all the men out through publicity in the Straits Times or New Paper (through yr interview with a journalist to showcase SHC’s activities etc etc). Maybe, the response will be so overwhelming that SHC cannot handle. kekeke…
Seriously, not many people know abt the SHC. I also came to know abt it through a friend a year ago and I have also recommended a couple of friends to join in the activities like the v interesting and educational nature walks. Mostly by word of mouth.
Another effective way to know each other better is through living, eating and travelling together, like our recent trip to Taiwan… hence, overseas trips may do the trick.
Cheers….
Hi Gabriella #39,
I do agree with you media publicity is important. It’s probably a good strategy, as it has proven to work. One thing we have to balance ourselves with publicity is that while SHC is social group, it does not have any official or legal recognition. Every member is an individual, and we simply use SilverHairsClub.com as the means to communicate. It serves as a clubhouse.
And Tian Soo, I haven’t given up yet; I think horny or thorny sessions help. Guys, help us all to think.
This evening we had a trading discussion. I sense this kind of gatherings will also help draw in new if not different crowds. Combined with the guys and gals working along Shenton and Robinson Road areas, I think this might just help balance our sexes. We should try to achieve a balance sex ratio in our activities. MaryChan, your help is also needed.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence #38
An LPA(Lasting Power of Attorney) empowers an individual to make considered choices about his or her personal welfare and finances in the event he/she loses his/her mental capacity.(methinks it’s empowering to know the what, why, where,how of LPA.)
Issues that impact our lives -eg.
1. ricebowl issues
2. health/health care issues
3. Advance care planning skills
4. retirement issues
5. successful aging 6. welfare 7. networking
8. voluntary service 9. support group/self-help
10.continuing education…….etc
cheers :)
Hi Jassmine #41,
The issues you raised definitely impacts most SilverHairs. I am just wondering if these are specific issues that can attract more male members to join the club and its activities. Good suggestions, and we would gauge the response as we go along.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence #38 and Jassmine #41
Regarding the LPA issue, a fren of mine recently emailed me 4 website links which I think are from the govt sector ‘cos end with ….gov.sg… (=_=)
These links provided SUPER detailed explanations and guidelines on what LPA is all about… (^_^) Plenty to read…//(+_+)\\… but for those who have time, you may prefer to attend the FREE workshop on Jul 31.. but must quickly call to register.. (@_@)
So if anyone is interested, pls send me an email at FmFaBb@yahoo.com.sg and I’ll forward these links to you… (o^_^o)
Cheers – Pauline
Hi Pauline at message #43,
No need to be so troublesome. Here is the hyperlink for the official website on Lasting Power of Attorney in Singapore – http://www.publicguardian.gov.sg/ . If you are still hungry for more information, google for lasting power of attorney singapore.
According to Channel News Asia latest news report, there are currently more than a hundred people registered for LPA after the registration was opened in March this year and the average age of people who make LPAs was 63 years old.
Hi PaulineH and StevenN,
TQ for your input on LPA. It’s very helpful. For pple who are unaware (like this writer), knowing about it widens their options/world knowledge. :)
Pauline, I’ve emailed you for the website. It’s not necessary now with the hyperlink provided by StevenN.
To all who are interested in the workshop on 31/7 –
It’s at Centre For Seniors, Bishan Place
Time: 10 – 11.30 am.
Fee: Free.
Awareness is empowering…SHC is a big resource pool. Hope we share/disseminate … useful/helpful info/tips… :)
cheers,
Hi Jassmine#44
Oops, I emailed you oredy b4 reading your comments here… (#_#)
Hi StevenN
Thanks for helping out on this as I’m still “sotong” about what can be put up on the post… as I noticed sometimes non-SHCian’s email addresses were being taken down by SHC Admin…and oso, I didn’t want to feel the “tip” of the BOSS’s “whip” for breaking the golden rules laid down by him… (^_~)
Hi Terence #20
Ref taking care of the ‘horny’ instinct, you may wish to bear in mind the following vital difference between those from Venus and Mars.
“Most Venusians take offence to sexual harrassment by a Martian. Most Martians take sexual harrassment by a Venusian as a compliment.” !! hahaha…
Thorny issue???
Cheers,
Gabriella
Hi Gabriella and fellow SHCians,
If you have been following this thread, perhaps it is a good time to start thinking of horny events, other than a sandwich. Let’s keep our ears open.
Keep the ideas flowing.
Terence Seah
Hi PaulineH #46,
TQ for the website. Can see you are no procrastinator. The ‘OHIO’practitioner. :)
Think about exciting the men…
When a lady wears a Leather dress, a man’s heart beats quicker, his thoat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It’s because she smells like a new Golf Bag -(fm a fwd mail)
HC
Let me fix some jewels into this “crown”.
Some can live alone. A few living alone.Majority leave them alone.Only a handful like me loves to sing “Alone”.
Whatever the outcome it doesn’t matter.Just enjoy the process.
Here is the link. Do make yourself comfortable.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXznl5S7ZbI&feature=related