Do you sometimes think that the SilverHairsClub is all about fun? And that most of our activities center around eating, eating, dancing, keeping fit, travel and enjoying the world. And that all these activities are part of getting old.
Then, there are times when among us, members pass away; some quietly, and some, we rather not know about it. Then, there are others who suddenly suffer a stroke, diagnosed for cancer, or met with an accident; all of which affect painfully our fellow members and their families. For these unfortunate members, if they have many close fellow members as friends, they get to receive moral support and help. For the quieter ones, we forget about them over time.
Sometimes, not knowing any bad news is better. We already have a lot of our own personal problems. Many of us are short of time, dont have all the money in the world and too many things to worry about.
What do you think? Perhaps we can do something small. Just thinking aloud, share some of your thoughts.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence
I’m not very sure about the point(s) you are making in your post, but here are my thoughts:
SHC is a social club with the main objective of making more friends, therefore it is to be expected that merry-making social activities like eating, singing, dancing, travelling… are more popular compared to say, giving feedback/discussion/views on current affairs/issues. And they are also the pull factor for potential members looking to make more friends.
If SHC does not want to be defined by such hee-hee ha-ha activities, then it has to review its club objective.
Regarding misfortune befalling a member – his/her close SHC friends will be aware and they will provide the emotional support.
2-ct’s worth
Terence
Are you thinking of setting up a helpdesk? Perhaps to diseeminate info or maybe to raise fund if and when needed?
Hi Yew Kwong, and members,
You have a point. I dare not use the word “Helpdesk” because I think most Singaporeans would not go to a helpdesk. Now that you have mentioned it, I am keen to do something along this line.
All of us are getting wiser and older. Within the Club, Doug, Christina, Charles, yourself, Serene and a few more try to keep members healthy through walks and cycling. Unfortunately, many of us members cannot fight sickness. We may develop cancer, stroke and serious inability to move. As a consequence, we hit into lonelineness, hospital expenses and other financial headaches. For others, we need moral support and some help. It is true pain and our family members suffer.
Sometimes, it is our family members that fall sick and suffer. Then, our members suffer. For those who know, we have many similar cases within the Club, since 2005.
I am not very familiar with financial assistance; but I believe this is a taboo subject for everybody. Maybe because there is no end to financial help. Then, there is support, help with assistance eg advice, help to push wheelchairs, or even come and talk.
Of course, like a number of Singaporeans, few of us like to tell the world our unfortunate circumstances. We keep quiet and we go away quietly.
Not everybody knows everybody in the Club. But for those whom we know, maybe a little help and support will go a long way. Thank you Yew Kwong for the idea of a helpdesk.
Terence Seah
Hi JassmineT,
Re the possibility of changing the Club’s objective, we have taken a long time to finetune the Club’s objective before the Club started in Oct 2005. We took this direction because we believe that as members come together, many activities are created. Our Club has no management team and all activities are organised by members. SHC is a platform only for SilverHairs to meet and make new friends.
Thinking about it, nobody has asked for the Club’s objective to be changed. I can remember someone saying the Club’s name SilverHairsClub is wrong because plural is still hair.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
I have to read a few time your heading and content to understand where you are coming from and what you are driving at. Like Jassmine, I still dont know whether
you want SHC to do more for these people or not have anything to do with these
people. But then I realize it is typical of you to provoke thoughts for sharing.
We age…. we die … it is an inevitable process. Wealth is personal thing, Health especially poor health is an even a more personal thing.
All we can do is to age gracefully and healthily till the last days. I re-look at your club objectives and realize it contribute to a part of aging gracefully which is to have friends and providing enjoyable social activities. If you are asking if SHC is just for that merry making, I noted that SHC has not been too successful in providing a learning platform, business networking ( though I am also aware quite a number are entrepreneurs), assisting in avenue of providing a passive income ideas and entrepreneurship. Not sure if that is a major part of the direction you want SHC to go which I think so since you have been encouraging corporate membership and starting on line commerce platform.
As friends are made and some bonding are formed through SHC among closer members, the passing of members will be acknowledged among those inner circle with sadness. Not sure you have some thing in mind on this.
I end with a short guide to Aging Gracefully
G : Grey Areas. There will be more of these. Accept it. Not just talking about grey hair but allows oneself to be more willing to listen and entertain ideas which you have onto so strongly before. I for one have great 360 degree change on retirement after posting on this topic and receving some comments.
R : Respond dont react. If you have to choose between right or happy , Choose Happy.
A : Accentuate the positive. Elimnate the negative.
C : Be Calm assertive at all time under all situation and with all people.
E : Energy . Energy is an premium for aging people so use it carefully. Old people
are like worn out battery. Discharge quickly to low and recharge
slowly. So pace yourself to your body energy
F : Friends are more important now than ever. Need not said more on this but one guide here. Dont feel obligated to stay in touch with toxic firends. Have to know when to hold them and when to fold them.
U : Unavailable is OK
L : Learning should be more enjoyable now. No longer is it to learn in order to do but now to do in order to learn.
L : Leaning on someone is ok and actually feels good. Life is not about beingindependent . It is about being interdependent
Y : Yearning to be something you are not is damaging to the great person you already are. Acept and forgive yourself for what ever misgiving you have in the past.
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to laugh , a time to weep
A time to wound, a time to heal
A time to be born, a time to die
Jassmine,
Any way to get in touch with you. No mobile number allow here. Ask around to get to me.
Leon
Hi Terence
No need to change the SHC objective. Can just expand it to better reflect the image you want SHC to project. From your first paragraph, I thought that you didn’t want SHC to be thought of as just a fun club and nothing more.
If there’s no problem with the image, then back to status quo! Lol!
Hi Leon
We usually get the phone number of a member through his/her email which can be written on the forum. My email: kdaae2005@hotmail.com
Hi Leon,
I didn’t know I am such a confusing guy when it comes to words. But maybe to be more specific, I am hoping as a club, we can collectively give support to our fellow members when they are down, sick and gone. Afterall, we are not a small group.
Of course, if we keep quiet, no one will ever know. We can be more relaxed in our postings and comments so that we can keep fellow members aware of the sad things that go through our lives. I just like to share with members that it is ok to share on this forum if you are having any unfortunate or sad events.
Terence Seah
Hi Leon,
I have observed your keen interests to help some creative and entrepreneur members develop themselves. Obviously, many are shy, unsure and afraid that their ventures may fail.
You are probably the best guy to help lead this segment. Please think about it. I shall be intouch with you in a few days. I think it is a good idea to give more focus to this quiet activity.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence
Think one must have the following qualities for the ‘Helpline’ to work:
– compassion
– empathy
– love
My 1cent worth……
Regards
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[image=compassion2.jpg]
[image=compassion3.jpg]
Gab, cannot agree with you more.
Gabriella, I agree with you, totally. Good one!
Susan & Caroline
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Hi Susan
Ref yr comment re: love.
The ‘love’ mentioned is v simple. An example quoted by M Teresa. Must give from the heart …
[image=mother teresa love 2.jpg]
Now I kaypoh.
Generally, many people have a revulsion towards people – be they family members, relatives or friends probing into their lives. Depending on how close the relationship is, there is somehow an invisible line drawn to how far an individual wants his/her personal life known. For problems relating to health, finances and interpersonal relationships, for many the less revealed the better.
We all have experienced betrayals in one form or another that make us super cautious of anyone who try to reach out to us. Are they really, really genuinely concerned or do they just want information as fodder for gossip? Hard to differentiate really. Hence, it is hard for many people to accept that there are people in this world who sincerely want to help without asking for anything in return.
There are friends and there are friends. Sounds like I’m repeating the phrase but you should know what I mean. Some friends will keep secrets of one friend yet tell all and sundry of the ‘dirty linen’ of another friend. How and why is it so? I reckon it depends on the value of the friendship. Ponder upon that.
It is definitely a good cause/movement/project or whatever it is to be called, for SHC to have its members rendering assistance to fellow members in time of need. The very most a listening ear perhaps? That is great BUT how can anyone of us be absolutely sure that what we share in confidence will be kept in strict confidence? Aha…that is a million dollar question, no?
I beg everyone’s pardon for coming across as sceptical. Nonetheless, all of us are no longer naïve teenagers and many of us have bore scars and lost friends who we thought were true friends. The hurt doesn’t really go away, it made us more wary that’s all.
Kaypoh Ros
Hi RosalindL, and members,
Some things are better not known; and some of us choose not to tell others. I have a close friend Vincent Khoo, and some members know him as the guy from Bangkok.
About three ago, his son suffered from a bone disease. Vincent told me he did not want to share this news with members. The son left him a year later.
About a year ago, Vincent himself suffered cancer, and went through treatment. He again did not want to share it with some close members whom he had known for a number of years. We always kept in touch, but via his mobile telephone. Two months ago, I found I could not call him on his mobile; it was always busy. I knew his block; and didnt know the unit number. Could not do a search.
Yesterday, I decided to try and look for him. I knew his block’s lift; and his neighbour knew him as the guy from Bangkok. He had passed away quietly two days after Christmas, spending almost 3 weeks in hospital; and no one knew. Neither did I, even though I knew him for more than 20 years.
Terence Seah
Hi terrence – i can so relate to yr lost of a close friend Vincent Khoo.
My ex colleague rang me one day to catch up n i told her sure i’ll get d others “ex colleagues” as well. U know its difficult to firm a agreeable date when everyone is available to meet so i waited n d days past on n on until one day i read in d paper that Pricilla died in her sleep.
Life is fragile…
When some people say they want to rest in peace, they mean it.
Curiously, the title of this post says, “Some news are better not known; can we as a club do something to help ourselves?”
Are we trying to be that one kind of nosey inquisitive reporters, “helping ourselves” to pry into people’s private life, even though they say no? If some news are “better not known”; why should we, as a club, do anything to help ourselves?
It is the occasional heartening “kaypoh” pieces here that make me peep at this forum frequently. While few and far between; such essays are worth the wait. Amid the loftily philosophical and rhetorical prods we are so often bombarded with, down to earth revelations give us an insight to our inside. Indeed, get real.
DC
Sad to know Vincent has passed on. I knew him and met him last at the flea market at SCC. He seemed well and was chatty. He said he had recovered quite well from alternative medicine. Am really surprised that he is gone.
Another member had passed on 8 Feb 2015.. Jane Kee – Wife of Richard Kee..
I am not sure how many of those pioneer members can remembered this couple who were always in pair attending all SHC functions and gatherings.
I remembered that they were with Susan, ANee, Oi Cheng, me and other members to Padang which was organized by Chin.
Jane was a very active member whom enjoyed line dancing and teaching some SHC members to fold origami..
Dolly,
Thank you very much for sharing this information about a fellow member who has left us. Many of us may not have heard of this sad news. Members who know of Jane will know how to contact Richard Kee. Jane was a paper origamist, she shared with many of us her colourful paper work.
Terence Seah
The obituary was published on ST 9 Feb.. All info are stated in there lor…
Regards, Dollly
I think generally Singaporeans are very shy people. This includes us, SilverHairs. When we are hospitalised, we just keep quiet. Only close friends will know, and visit us in hospital. Then, there are situations when we know a fellow member has passed away. Many of us may keep quiet, just visit our friend, and not let others know. Maybe because death is a taboo subject, superstituous. Some may think why let the whole world know. It is a private matter.
Unfortunately, I do not share such thinking. This is why I put up this Post, “Some news are better not known; can we as a club do something to help ourselves?”. I like to encourage, not discourage, fellow members from sharing bad news, be it a fellow member in hospital or has suddenly left us and their family. We are all friends, whom we met in SilverHairsClub. Moral support is important. Unless family members object, it is good moral support fellow friends visit a fellow member who has an operation of the stomach. We talk about support to their families. Let’s say a fellow member pass away, we can share our support by turning up one night. And, if we give a token of $10, it will be appreciated.
There will always be negative thinkers among us. Think positively, and I think we can live longer. To end this note, please feel free to drop on the SHC forum any sad or bad news. We all need moral support.
Terence Seah