I am pretty certain that many SHC members fall into one or more of the above categories, and from time to time, might like to share some of their experiences.
I fall into all of the above 3 categories; mother of 3 daughters, mother-in-law of one and grandmother of one, second one due in April. From my own experience, it is a breeze being a mother-in-law, easy enough being a grandmother as my daugter has great parents-in-law who absolutely dote on their first & only grandchild and hardest of all, being a mother. Like most mothers will agree, you will never stop worrying about them, regardless of how grown-up they become, maybe more so, if you have daughters.
That said, I think that once they start working, it is important we make time for ourselves to pursue our own interests.
Thank you Marilyn for starting this thread. Indeed, many of the ladies in SHC who are mothers/grandmothers/mother-in-law will have a lot to share about their children, children-in-law and grandchildren.
I too worry as my eldest daughter who is just a few years away from being 40 is still single and unattached. She has been brought up by my mother since young and ever since she was in primary school she refuses to live with me and her siblings. Long story to this.
Anyway, she is not keen to date men above 50 and prefers guys closer to her age group. Perhaps her being selective is one of the reasons she is still single. I’ll never force her to get married but it’ll be good if she can meet some nice SINGLE guys without any ‘baggage’. :p
Marilyn, may I suggest you organize a coffee session with like-minded SHC ladies to share our common concerns about our children?
I’ll sign up first if it’s on a date I’m not travelling.
Cheer
Ros
Hi Marilyn,
Glad that you’ve started this thread which I’m sure would start the ball rolling for all SHC members, males included. It’ll be good for us all to be able to learn from those who’ve gone thru all 3 categories so that we can become better MIL and g/parents one day if not already there.
As mothers, we tend to worry more than our counterparts and our kids are forever young in our eyes even if they’re already parents themselves. It’s always easier said than done when someone tells you that you’ve got to learn to let go but in our hearts, we can never do that and will always keep a watchful eye on them – this is esp. so when that child is your only child.
My only son is approaching 25 and although still considered young and in his prime, I cannot but wait for the day when he can settle down and make me a proud grandma one day before my time is up.
Yes I do agree with Rosalind that it will be good if we can arrange a day where we can all meet and chat over coffee to share and learn from each other. Will definitely look out for that opportunity. Thanks again for this thread. Best rgds, Lisa
Marilyn
I’m also like you, parent, mil and now grandma. I have 2 daughters and think if I had succeeded in having a third one, would have had another girl, hahaha, not that I’d mind.
Generally,girls tend to be closer to their mother and have their mother’s well being at heart.
I was rather apprehensive when my girl fell for an Irishman, afraid I’d lose her if and when they moved overseas, but am now less concerned, seeing them establishing their business and home here.
I think being a mil to a man is easier than to a woman, at least, from my observations. The element of two women ‘competing for the attention of a man’ is absent.
Now, with the arrival of my grand daughter, I am spending more time with my daughter, caring for the little one and my son in law seems happy with the arrangement as he can then go about his business without having to worry about his wife and kid.
He has been a model husband and father so far, taking over quite a fair bit of the night feeds, sometimes even the whole night and catching up on his sleep in the mornings when he doesn’t have to go in to work early.
Being a grandma is great. I get to enjoy the little one, help around in the daytime when I can, leaving me to have my own activities and rest in the night.
Now, I worry for my second girl, although I try not to. She works so hard and hardly has time for socialising. She’s very pretty actually, tall and smart, yet doesn’t have a steady boyfriend. Sometimes I think she sets her criteria too high, sigh.
Oh well, no point worrying. I should leave it to fate.
Aiyoh, I’m rambling too much. I hope we can all get together and chat about all this one day.
Thanks for starting this thread Marilyn.
Cheers
Oy Terence
Why is my comment at #3 still under moderation?
#2 Lisa Ong,
As mothers we tend to be more emotional about our children. Especially so if we’re the main caregivers since they were young. Of course it is au natural for us to want them to be healthy, happy and have a good life. We’ll happily sit on the sideline as long as we are assured they know we want the best for them.
Perhaps what we may not realise is that, in loving our children, we might forget to allow them freedom of choice in all aspects of their lives – career; relationships, etc. Most of us can and do create a rift, albeit unwittingly, when we step into boundaries that restrain our grown-up children from taking responsibilities as adults.
Nonetheless, there will come a time when they will realise our love for them is unconditional and lifelong.
Cheers
Ros
Greetings Ladies
Yeap…not only we worry more we also set different standard when comes to daughter. Many times, we were told that we should ‘enjoy our life’ now that our children have grown up……but we choose to hang around them……if they are abroad n did not make the yearly visit, we visit them, if they need help we will be the first to rush to them etc. etc. countless reasons to excuse us from “letting go”……how to?
#2 Lisa…….r u sure your boy do not have someone?…I only discover my girl had a ‘boyfren’ when I drove someone else car to pick her up at the station. She did not realized that I had already arrived at the station and was watching her inside the car!!
#1 Ros
Single – How do we encouraged our children to find the Right Person? (knowingly that whatever we said will be thrown into the rubbish!)I felt our children era is different from ours……people are well educated and also widely travelled, they turn to work, hobby, friendship, excessive TV, etc. etc. instead of looking for a partner. I often quote
Love is indeed a “decision” not just a feeling. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… You can “make” love.
Good Luck to us Mothers…….
Freda
Dear Marilyn, Mary, Lisa & Ros……
I enjoyed being a mother to my only son…those “sweet moment” that I spend playing, teaching, fetching him to school, buying his first Jean & Shirt, writing numerous emails to him while studying overseas,….still rolling in my mind. Time passes so fast, now… he is an adult and soon he is getting married. I love my son so much but many times I ask myself if I can also accept my future daughter-in-law like my own daughter. Kind of a strange feeling….and I was so afraid to loose my son…how?
What Mary said is true, think being a MIL to a man is easier than to a woman. I hope those who are already a MIL, can tell me how to avoid unpleasant situation / conflicts and so on…..not ready to be a MIL leh……
Ah Nee
Ah Nee
Congrats to you.
It’s not easy being a mil. I have to keep in mind that they are now a new family nucleus and have their own preferences etc.
I guess all parents fear ‘losing’ their children and I believe that is also true on the children’s side. They don’t want to ‘lose’ their parents because of some conflicts too.
I’m quite open about voicing my thoughts and fears and my daughters and I are able to talk about them. I try to keep an open mind about their opinions and their lifestyle, as, after all, it IS their lives.
I live my life my own way and they are fine with it,so I guess I have to be fair and let them live theirs their way, of course, not without a little bit of ‘advice’, hee hee.
Ah Nee, if you don’t want to ‘lose’ your son, then you will have to learn to accept your daughter in law and hopefully get to love her too, although it will be stretching it a little too much to say that you will love her ‘like your own daughter’. ;-) Focus on her good points, not too much on her flaws.
Freda Lim
I like what you said about love,
‘Love is indeed a “decision” not just a feeling. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… You can “make” love.’
I think I shall pass this on to my younger daughter, hee hee, hee.
Yes agree totally with Marilyn on being a parent,…”you will never stop worrying about them, regardless of how grown-up they become…”.
My son is an adult and not that he is giving me problems or anything like that but still I worry…is he eating well, hope he is coping well with his studies, hope he meet good people..etc etc.
I am no where near being a mother in law but I think I would make a wonderful mil or grandmother. Seriously. One day my friend asked me, what if one day my son brings home a lady, divorced with 2 kids. I told her without blinking my eyes, I will accept her. As long as my son loves her, I will accept her. I love my son very much. I hve only one child.
Hi June #10 and Ah Nee #7, looks like we 3 have something in common, i.e. 1 child only. After reading thru all the comments shared by everyone, I’m beginning to realize that we have to first learn to accept our child/children’s choice be it good or bad and focus on the good points (as pointed out by Mary) instead of the flaws – that’s certainly good advice! This should apply to all our acquaintances as well, i.e. always look for his/her good points and we won’t be disappointed right Mary? Rgds, Lisa
Yes, Lisa, June & I, we are all in the same boat…only son, no daughter, sob sob…… :(
Thanks Lisa, Mary for your valuable sharing, will try my very best to treat her equally like I treat my son…wow! Stress leh, not one but two!
Ah Nee
Thanks to all who have shared so far.
After having 3 daughters, I used to have people telling me to try for a son, but it really didnt matter, not to me, or to both sets of grandparents who had more grandsons than grand-daughters. These days, I get people telling me how lucky I am to have 3 beautiful, sensible & filial girls, which I wholeheartedly agree. How times have changed!
Lisa, June & Ah Nee, I would share your sentiments that having only one son is harder to let go, and as Mary said, it is definitely easier to accept a son-in-law who probably is perceived as being another Man of the house, who is there to take care of everybody!
Both my son-in-law and 2nd daughter’s boyfriend are only about 15 years younger than I am, and often times, they are all happy to include me in their activities. That keeps me feeling young, but of course, I would still prefer to hang out with like-minded people my age..
#1 Ros
Sure, I will be happy to organise a get-together session. Am thinking of a BBQ at my place, but need a guy to get the coals burning. Any volunteers?
Marilyn
Marilyn, a BBQ is good. I’ve checked the BBQ pits at your place and they have suffice seats/table for a small group. The best thing is the BBQ area is enclosed by foliage and fauna and very condusive for the kind of conversation we’ll be indulging in. :P
Will you be travelling during the last week of this month? If not, could we have it on a weekday evening? Your place is super convenient to get to and if you order the BBQ food, we can split the cost? I don’t think we need to order a lot of food. Suffice to fill stomachs is good enough. :)
Cheers
Ros
Hi Marilyn #13 & Ros #14,
Don’t worry about starting a fire. It’s not all that difficult with the starters you can buy when you purchase the charcoal. That poor guy will feel out of place if he’s the only guy there (unless he doesn’t mind joining in the conversation) but if possible, let’s keep this a ladies’ gathering just like the guys who’ve also started their own group. If a weekday is a must, may I request it to be a Friday evening to accommodate those like me who’re still working? It’s true, we don’t really need too much food nor spend too much time hovering over the BBQ pit. Alternatively, we can have potluck which we can just put all the spread together and sit around it and share – just thinking out loud. Have a good weekend everyone! Rgds, Lisa
Hi Ros #14 & Lisa #15
With both your encouragement, I have gone ahead to book a BBQ pit on 5 February 10 which can accommodate up to 25 pax. The booking is from 4.30pm to 10pm but as it is a weekday, the dinner proper will start from 6.30pm to allow those who are working to make their way here (Goldenhill Park Condo). Depending on the response, we can either have a BBQ or potluck session.
Anyone (guy or lady) who falls into any of the 3 categories is invited to indicate his/her interest.
Marilyn
Okay, Marilyn. I’ve blocked the date so I’m in! I’ll help you promote your event tomorrow. :)
Cheers
Ros
Hi Marilyn #16,
Thanks for taking such prompt action. I’ll certainly make my way there but could you pls give a more precise info on the location of this condo e.g. some distinct landmark etc. as I’ll be using my GPS to help me to get there. Look forward to meeting all attendees there (unless some unforeseen domestic event happens as my F.I.L. is currently on the edge of his illness and may happen anytime). Rgds, Lisa
Marilyn Tang
Wow, wow, wow!
Marilyn you sure work fast! A BBQ! Count me in. I will be there.
I wanted to have a chat with you last night but the noise and the activities were not conducive for any sort of conversation really. I’m sure this get together will be good for all of us to share our experiences with each other.
I’m looking forward to it. :-)
Hi Marilyn
Wow! Smooth operator.
However, I am so sorry I cannot make it because my oldest daughter will be arriving from Sydney in the evening on that day.
Enjoy your BBQ with the gang.
Btw, you looked stunning at the cabaret nite.
Cheers
Caroline
Hi Lisa #18 and Mary #19
Looking forward to your good company and getting to know both of you better.
Hey Caroline #20
Congrats on your superb performance last night! Thanks for your compliments, but eh, without your glasses/contacts, you sure you did not mistake someone else for me??? Hahaha…
Sorry to hear you can’t join us this time, but am sure there will be plenty of opportunities for us to get together again.
List of Attendees so far:-
1) Marilyn Tang
2) Rosalind Lee
3) Lisa Ong
4) Mary Chan
5) SuZhang
6) Lee Ah Nee
7) Norlinda
8) Rene Leong
9) Alice Ou
10)Eileen Thean
11) Catherine Yeo
12) Gabriella Chua (?)
13) Freda Lim (?)
14) June Lim (?)
Cheers,
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn,
Sorry not able to join in this time, son birthday on same day, so priority given to him lor, we sure will have other opportunities, enjoy your BBQ.
cheers,
eileen
Marilyn at #21
Hahaha I may not be able to see far but I am not blind lah.
You stand so close to me and if I still cannot figure out the stunning you then I really need to get my eyes fixed.
Those lovely people I have commented, I was within visible range without my spectacles on. I am sorry if I missed some who may have waved or say hi from a distance cos I can only see about a metre or two away from me.
Hope to arrange for a gathering so this time die die also must be present.
Cheers
Carly
Hi our great Ladys,
Its interesting to read what have being share here. Kept the thread going. If there is a gathering will the gays be invited.
DennisH
I am very sure that gays will not be invited as ladies here are very conservative. hehehehe
Dennis H
#24
Why do you ask if gays will be invited?
Are you championing them or perhaps one of them?? Hahaha.
Steven Ng
#25
Rest assured, we ladies are not the ‘very conservative’ kind.We know when to ‘let our hair down’ when the occasion calls for it.
Any way, if a guy were gay, he probably would not be a parent or grandparent, unless he decided to make a change midstream, after fathering some, hee.
To any others who want to comment,
I’m sure Marilyn and the rest of us want to keep this thread clean and above board, so please refrain from making unrelated remarks if they are not pertaining to the topic.
To all the “Great Ladies”(to quote DennisH),
Regarding being a grandma, I’m becoming ‘addicted’ to it, hahaha. I look forward to seeing the little one every morning. Perhaps it’s because I have a full night’s rest, unlike the tired, sleepy parents who have to take turns to stay up.
Cheers :-)
Dear Marilyn
Love to join you guys for the bbq but i am unable to make it on 5 Feb, i will missed the sharing…
Mary
Being addicted to the little ones………yeap they are such a joy (i hv 2 grand god daughters). Bdw, have u ever notice those pictures we took when our kids are ‘tiny’ they have such genuine smiles and how beautiful and lovely they are? they seem to lost those smiles when they gets older…….
I agree with u, some of us are not ‘so very conservative’. About gays some of them are born with these imbalance hormone which make them so……not their fault if you know what I mean………
cheers
Dennis #24 and Steven Ng #26
As long as you fall into any one of the captioned categories, the invitation is open to you. Nothing to do with being conservative or otherwise. I personally am not prejudiced against people who are gender benders.
Mary #25
One of the main reasons why my overseas trips rarely last more than a week, whether for business or pleasure, is simply because I will miss my grand-daughter whom I usually see at least once a week. Yes, I share your sentiment that it is easy being addicted to the little one(s), perhaps until such time they grow up and start talking back! Anyway and thank goodness, that’s a long, long time away.
Freda #27
Pity you can’t make it this time. Am sure there will be another occasion for us to meet.
Cheers,
Marilyn
#24 Dennis H
I think Dennis mis-spelt ‘guys’ as ‘gays’. Poor Dennis being teased mercilessly for his word error. :p Naughty Steven Ng!
Marilyn, I’m back! I see you’re back too. :) If you need help with this BBQ, please let me know what I can do to make it less of a hassle for you, ya?
Cheers
Ros
Hi Marilyn
So glad you ladies are meeting up. can count me in too.
If we have children normally such feelings will be felt. but be happy for we can have such extras.
Hi Mary Chan
Wat happen to our lunch eh?? ha ha!!
when??he he!!
Gwen
Gwen
A thousand apologies for postponing our lunch twice. I’m glad you will be joining us for the BBQ. That will be the 5th of Feb, which is almost here, so shall we make that a date? Hee hee.
I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had a shopping trip anywhere.
I really must get back into my own activities soon.
See you at the BBQ,
Cheers
I’m happy to see the good response to Marilyn’s BBQ. Knowing her she will be paiseh to ask us to chip in for the food. May I suggest that those of us going get her a little thank you gift? Fruits, flowers (non plastic ones please) and/or if anyone of us would like to bring a dish or dessert we just have to let Marilyn know.
Sorry Marilyn to speak out without consulting you. I don’t think the ladies mind. :)
Cheers
Ros
Hi Rosalind
Your idea supported.
Mary – no problem lah. Me was busy too after 30 Jan than relax a bit hor!
We can meet up one day for lunch and chit chat too.
I know your little one is too cute to be missed.
Regards
Cheers
Hey Marilyn,
Thanks for adding my name to the list and sorry for the late acknowledgement. Missed reading the comments and was wondering what day is the BBQ slated for, searched the post and lo and behold, my name is already up.
I gather this is not a potluck session and we are supposed to bring whatever we deem suitable for the hostess but it would help greatly if you could indicate whether you would need ‘extra’ food etc?
For the record, I qualify for this meeting as I have one son too. hehehe
Marilyn and all participants of the BBQ,
I think it’s only fair that the cost of this BBQ will be shared by all the participants since it’s not going to be a potluck.
Marilyn, just let us know how much the total will be and we will all chip in ok?
Hi all,
Much appreciate all the comments and suggestions.
It is my pleasure to host the BBQ and to enjoy the company of all who will be attending. To make it as stress-free as possible for everyone, I will take care of the BBQ main. Any kind soul who can bring an appetizer, salad, dessert or any side dish will be much appreciated.
Updated list of confirmed attendees:-
01. Marilyn Tang
02. Rosalind Lee
03. Lisa Ong
04. Mary Chan
05. SuZhang
06. Lee Ah Nee
07. Norlinda
08. Rene Leong
09. Alice Ou
10. Catherine Yeo
11. Lina Ng
12. Malcolm Chen
13. Gwyneth Lee
14. Thomas Loh – bringing fruits
In view of the need to finalize arrangements for food, registration for this event will close on 29Jan 10. Anyone who need directions to my place, kindly drop me an email at marilynhtang@yahoo.com.sg
Cheers,
Marilyn
Marilyn, thank you very much for hosting the BBQ and offering to pay for the food. Will you consider letting everyone chip in the cost?
Ros