Secrets of Happy Couples

Dear All

I have always been intrigued by how couples (married or living together) stay
happy even way after the pheromone-crazy feeling has fizzled and they no longer
just want to stay in bed.

Some say it’s doing things together, not taking each other for granted,
giving each other space etc etc.

Whenever I see old couples, bent and shuffling yet holding hands,
awww………sooo sweet, I give them a big smile.  Sometimes they smile
back, sometimes they glare at me, especially the wives, kekekekeee.  Oh
well.

Share with us, darlings, if you are one of the happy couples or know of
people who are.  Hey, even your own child’s happy
marriage/relationship.

Mine failed, so wanna know what I could have done better or what HE could
have done better.  Gosh.

41 thoughts on “Secrets of Happy Couples”

  1. Hi Geraldine,

    Can’t help smiling?? thinking of how you described the “pheromone crazy feeling” that keeps many a couple stay married or living together happily everafter or almost ….

    Even the Birds and the Bees and the mosquitoes too get into the pheromone-crazy state when they get close to one another or to humans too in the case of mosquitoes if the pheromones are attractive or compatible.! hahaha.

    I often hear that only some people are more prone to mosquitoe bites than others. When asked why? The answer is often because your blood is sweet. But I read somewhere that it is the pheromones that attract the mozzies to them.

    I was once told by an acquaintance that there are lots of mosquitoes in the country that I had thought of visiting, and she claimed that the people there do not get bitten or because their skin is dark or?? but she and I would be targets for the mozzies cos we are fairer. Really? Hard to swallow this reason.

    Later, I was surprised to learn from a book that it is the pheromones that attract them to us. Anyone cares to correct, enlighten or confirm if this is true of the pheromones?

    Geraldine, I refer to your last sentence,” Mine failed”. You have not failed. Life is still So so Good.Don,t look back. You have Now, tomorrow and a Great future with your pheromones still intact. Look at it in this light that they have not been crazy for long enough to have fizzled out yet.Kekekekeke

    I have really enjoyed your articles. They are so full of Fun and attract many SHCians to come out to share their opinions.

    Thank you very much.
    I look forward to read what others have to say of pheromones!

    Geok Suan.

  2. Hi Geok Suan

    Thank YOU for sharing with us.

    Now I know why mosquitoes barely come to me nowadays (unless they are reeli, reeli desperate).

    So sweet of you to tell me I have not failed. His loss? Kekekekekee. Is he reading this? I am dead.

    Yes, I never look back. Once I have made a decision, I look for a solution and finally closure. Then it’s time to move on, move forward.

  3. Hi Geraldine

    You post intrigued me. It reminded me something I wrote in this site few years ago and would like to reiterate them here.

    Which couple dare to say they don’t have any grievances to the other half? We always think we have done our best for them, but what is the reward???

    I also had a lot of grievances to my wife even after two years she had passed away. But since I joined the SHC, thanks for the good friends, I started to understand one thing – What I think the BEST I have done is just my own perception, Do I know the BEST she needed?

    She is my first girlfriend, and is the only woman in my life, I’m never fooling around when she became my girlfriend. I thought this is the BEST. But may be the BEST she need is just a bunch of flowers from me in her birthday that I had never done since we met.

    Also the BEST will keep on changing with time. The BEST of yesterday may not be the BEST of today, and the BEST of today may not be the BEST of tomorrow. A couple have to keep on observing and changing to refresh the good relationship.

    After I understood this, I thrown all my grievances for her and put our sweet memories in my mind instead. May be it is too late, but better late than never. Sigh.

  4. Geraldine,

    It’s VERY brave of you to write what you did. A marriage needs work and effort from BOTH sides. You haven’t failed. You could put in 110% effort but if the other partner doesn’t see or cares to see the need, then the marriage will flounder, like mine did. I’m not saying that I had done the BEST. I know I could have done certain things differently but this is all on hind sight.

    I never wanted a divorce although I knew I had made a mistake very early on in my marriage. I married because I felt the need to start a family after my father passed away.I didn’t know him(my ex) well enough.

    I was one of those who believed that one doesn’t walk out of a marriage, that it’s for keeps, that it’s for better or for worse. I stayed married for 30 years, but there comes a time when enough is enough. I called it quits.

    Surprisingly, he and I are on better terms now. We are civil with each other. He comes to visit little Amber, but with prior warning of course (hee).

    I used to feel desolate and lost fter my divorce. I questioned myself and wondered if my expectations were too different, too high, etc. It took time and some ‘education’. I read books and articles and realised there was nothing much I could have done differently. We were just 2 persons who had different values and expectations.

    I look at my daughter and my son-in-law’s union. Theirs was a ‘love at first’ sight kind and I was apprehensive at first. But they got to know each other, both the good and the bad points, talked about them, argued about them and tried their best to RESOLVE them. They seem fine so far. (Ha, ha, ha, there’s that skepticism in me again… ;-P )
    BOTH worked at the marriage, unlike mine.
    My ex used to clam up and went on doing things his way and I had no choice but to take it and I took it until my girls became independent.

    I believe this is the way with the older generation and I can see many people just ‘suffering’ along, keeping their marriage intact, some waiting for their kids to grow up, others….. waiting for…..? I guess some women are too dependent on their husband financially to do anything else, (sigh).

    Nowadays, women are more ’empowered’ to take matters into their own hands as they are more financially independent.

    There were good times and bad times in my marriage but the bad outweighed the good and I am financially able to do what I did.
    I don’t regret getting out of my marriage.
    I’m happier now and even more so with little Amber :-).
    Hopefully, there’ll be more to add on to my happiness.

    So Geraldine, count your blessings. You are still young and vibrant. If I could do it at 55 years of age, you most definitely can at 45! And who knows? There may be a certain mister right round the corner for you?

    Cheers!

  5. Oh, before I get ‘hantumed’ by the men for ‘inciting’ women to take matters into their own hands. Ha ha ha.

    I know of several men who are unhappily married too, but somehow, men seem reluctant to get out of their situation, perhaps from a sense of duty or perhaps a feeling of ‘insecurity’ or they are just creatures of habit?

    Some prefer to stay married but ‘play around’ on the sly. I know of quite a few too, hee hee.

    Perhaps a few words from you guys out there?
    Don’t leave this post ‘a women’s only’ comments.

  7. Dear Tender Cow

    In any relationship, it takes both parties to work hard together for a happy ever after kind of relationship or till death do us part.

    My late hubby was my first and only boyfriend. He was one in a million and I was very lucky that I needn’t work so hard :) cos he was very giving and forgiving. Its about giving in and saying sorry when either one of us was in the wrong. We did not sleep over with the disagreement hovering over us.

    We held hands when we were out together with the children in tow, held hands when we watched TV, it was hug hug and kiss kiss most times, even at traffic light junctions when the lights were red. I read a health article that holding hands gives a person a sense of security and it makes one very happy and feel loved. I believe the hand holding helped keep our relationship strong. Thats why up till now, I always like to be hugged by family and friends or to give hugs to them :)

    We took our occasional escapades but overseas holidays were always spent together with the children. We had our occasional time-out to do our own things.

    I tried my best to make him a very happy man so that he felt he was the “King” and then he treated me like his “Queen”.
    We kissed each other good night and said I love you throughout our 26 years of marriage (unless he was travelling on business)and even on the night just before his passing.

    What I have of him are sweet memories of the good husband I once had. And our three daughters who grew up in a loving family try to practise what we both shared with their husband or boyfriends.

    I am writing just to share. Cos after more than 8 years, I still miss him so…..
    I hope I did not offend or hurt anyone or made anyone uncomfortable with my posting.

    And Tender Cow, I am glad that you can come to a closure and move on. I have also learned to move on and that there will always be good times and bad ones along the way. Good times, we enjoy to the best and if bad ones do come along, we learn to overcome it or manoeuvre away from it.

    To those who are married or dating, I wish you all the best….and remember to hold hands :)

    Warmest Regards
    Carly

  8. Hi Andrew

    ‘A couple have to keep on observing and changing to refresh the good relationship.’ Very true.

    Many couples think they no longer have to work at their marriages/relationships (m/r) since they are married to each other/are living together.

    All the more to keep the m/r alive, otherwise it becomes stagnant and boredom sets in.

    Thanks for sharing with us, Andrew, and it’s good that you have thrown out your grievances toward your late wife.

  9. Hi Mary

    ‘We were just 2 persons who had different values and expectations.’ Yes, in a nutshell. Well put.

    At some point in our lives, we have to ask ourselves if this is how we should live out the rest of our lives and put up with an unhappy, miserable or even violent m/r?

    Regarding your paragraph 7, ‘..others….. waiting for…..?’ The recent late megastar in the States had put up with major degradation plus countless physical abuse (always claimed she fell down the stairs, walked into the door etc) due to low self-esteem despite being a superstar from her then husband that stripped all her dignity until her daughter had had enough after witnessing her dad spat on her mum.

    The late star still told her daughter it was all right (GOOD GRIEF!!) and she told her mum ‘No, it’s not all right. Divorce him.’ Thank goodness she did.

    I count my blessings everyday, grateful that I have a roof over my head, food on the table, still ok health, love from my family and frens.

    Re your #5, no, you are not ‘inciting’ women, for that matter, men to take matters into their own hands.

    Thank you for sharing, too, and your words of encouragement.

    To Women!

  10. After finishing my education abroad, I got back to Singapore. I had met a girl during my study, and we got married after a few years of our return. We had a number of obstacles; but I was determined to make our marriage like what you see in the Taiwanese movies. Got to say our marriage went pretty well, for more than 10 years.

    Then, in 1990, I decided that I moved to Bangkok to work. The MD of the company told me that most expatriates who stayed and worked longer than two years usually landed up in a divorce, and I was ready to accept that. I did not believe him; as I felt I had a mind of my own; and was able to resist all the temptations of big cities. After a few years, knowingly or unknowingly, our marriage started to rock, and it was 10 years later, that we landed in a divorce. Sometimes I think about it, if it was a woman who changed my life. No, it wasn’t; but it was the whiskies and the dining, the late nights. I had a fun time.

    While going through our divorce, I met a lady and together we had a wonderful kid. This changed my life again; and today, I think I am more sane than ever. I am a happier person, and perhaps for this reason, I decided to start the SilverHairsClub. Right or wrong, we have to move on. And, I encourage everybody to look at the future. It wont be long before we reach 65 or 75.

    Terence Seah

  11. Baby Goat

    Great sharing! Mwah.

    Reading your account is so heartwarming and the strong love and bond you still have for your late husband is touching. Am certain he is watching over you and the girls.

    Yes, I believe in holding hands, hugging and kissing with the one we love besides our children.

    These acts are natural when the love is deep; simply to tell each other how much they are loved, cherished and how glad we are to have found each other.

    Your late hubby was one in a million and you know what? So are you.

    Old Cow
    Another Hugger n Handholder

  12. Hi Terence

    Good to hear from you, darling. Thought you’d left the club. Mwahahahaa.

    I guess in your case it was more of a ‘drifting apart’ from your first wife?

    Anyways, glad to know you are happier now and have a wonderful son (your eyes glow with pride each time you tell me about him – a proud Papa).

    ‘…and today, I think I am more sane than ever’. Hmmmm, this I beg to differ.

  13. Hi All,

    Re: talk on #1

    I guess pheromone comes into play only after a courting couple are used to each other body and saliva odours through hugging and kissing. Even on a first date, the part played by male and female pheromones are not apparent and can be dismissed as pure speculation because of the overpowering fragrances from the female and male colognes of both the partnering dates. The dates are together because they have learned to like each other’s
    mannerisms and respective stations in life.

    Secondly, a mother and her new-born are used to and can soon identify each other’s smells and sounds which leads to mom-child bonding. A guess is, after all, still a guess. I have not been schooled on human relations and human psychology. I might be on-target or off=target depending on
    the findings of my readers.

    Mozzies love to dine on my 68 year-old (vintage wine-like) blood, certainly not my pheromone. Some for some unknown reason, my wife seldom gets bitten by mozzies. Maybe her blood is both bitter and chilli-padi hot because she is the temperamental and nagging type, hot-blooded so to speak. One sip by a mozzie on her blood might cause it to drop dead from overheating.

    Whenever she ferociously starts to nag me, it is time for a cup of coffee for me (not “time for a Tiger”), downstairs inside a coffee shop to keep my cool. Drinking a Tiger downstairs might not be helpful to keep my marriage intact, because I might become drunk and furious to the extent of returning home to challenge my “tigress”.

    When her temper has somewhat cooled, I’ll explain to her the reason behind for doing what I did to have caused her unhappiness in the first place.

    We have been married for 40 years with 2 adult married children. Give and take is imperative on keeping a marriage on even keel and ship-shape to sail far into the unknown future till “death doth us part!” I’m the jovial type and not much of a Romeo. But I am valued as an unpaid clown in my wife’s eyes.

    Cheers!

    Terry

  14. On #13

    On 8th line, “Some for some unknown reason” is erroneous. It should read “For some unknown reason,”. Apologise for the careless mistake.

    Terry

  16. Hi All,

    The following humor explains human weaknesses in an enlighten way …

    A French teacher was explaining to her class in French, unlike English,
    nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine – “la maison”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine – “le crayon”.

    A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer should be a masculine or feminine noun.

    Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

    The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer”), because:

    1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    2) The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval and
    4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    Now, the women’s view …

    The women’s group, however, concluded that computer should be masculine (“le computer”), because:

    1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
    2) They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
    3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time THEY are the problem.
    4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

    The women won.

    Now back to the topic on happy couples …

    My view on happy couples is centered on the 4Rs (Respect, Responsibility, Resourceful and Realistic). Though initially, when they say, “I do”, they may have considered not the 4Rs but the 4Cs (Cash, Condo, Career and Car). The 4Rs relate to character and personality (inter-personal communication/ relationship). This is within us and only the person involved can decide to change those changeable). The 4Cs are not within us if we are working for someone.

    We are always smarter/wiser after the event. For some who found out they are not of the “opposite” poles (opposite poles attracts) early, they normally have a second chance and they live happier and wiser in their “reset” environment.

    Type “25 random things” in the Search line in SHC web page and you will have the Introduction about me. In any argument, the one who started it first will always say he/she is right but not aware that in life, under different context and circumstances, both the arguing parties can be right/wrong. So they can agree to disagree and stop the argument. Less argument/disagreement = less stress in the family – better for the whole family.

    hewlee

  17. Dear Tender Cow #11

    Thank you so much for your kind words.

    Glad that you and I share the same thoughts on hugging and holding hands.

    Dear Terry #13

    Most women love men who can make them laugh. Love the way you handle sticky situations. The way to go :)

    Dear Hew Lee #16

    Enjoyed your French “lesson”.

    Second last para – well said. If two people feel miserable together, then its time to get out. And yes, the second chance…..

    Carly

  18. Of Kids/Baby Goats/Children

    Way back in the 1950s I noticed British (Caucasian) residents in Singapore almost never referred to children as “kids”. To them children were children, kids were nothing more than the young of goats. They were absolutely culturally right at that point in time.

    In the 1950s, if you informed an Englishwoman that you liked her kids, she might find this unflattering as this meant she was a ‘she-goat’, notwithstanding she knew the slang that “kids” stood for children in the US culture

    Americans have been referring to cute children as kids (baby goats) for several generations already. The much used slang for children as kids germinated from the American farming and animal husbandry communities. With the universal spread of American cinema and the internet, the world has become smaller communicationwise and accepted the word “kids” for children without feeling slighted or insulted.

    Now there is one remaining difficult anomaly in our present day context. If you go up to a S’pore mother and tell her “your baby goat is cute”, she is bound to flare up like an exploding volcano. “How dare you call my child a baby goat!” she might create a scene. Contrariwise, if you decribe her baby as a very cute kid, she would profusely thank you for the compliment. In her ignorance a kid and baby goat somehow are not the same, although they both biologically are.

    In the dialect prevalent days of Singapore of an age gone by in the 1950s, some parents humourously and endearingly addressed their babies “puppies” (kow kia) or “piglets” (der kia) as a way to reflect their cuteness and lovability.

    Terry

  20. I really had to think very hard and long whether I would like to comment on this. But after after having some liquor I feel that I could not stop myself from wanting to say it say it out anymore. I was married at the age of 21. Though married to a older woman who was 5 years older than me I wanted to “reward” her for loving me when no one wants me as I was poor with a ‘O’ level. I work hard as I wanted her to be proud of her husband. I became the Top Agent for 3 consecutives years selling life insurance and rose to be the Top Group Sales Manager. I never flirted with any of the Agents I recruited as I wanted to be admired as a model husband. The marriage lasted almost 20 years till my ex- wife hit the menopause. She even ecncourage me to look for sex out of marriage as long as I am not serious in the relationship. I am a man who believes that love without sex is impossible at my then age of 41. Neither do I believe in sex without love. I met a lady whom I love with all my heart and I divorce my wife with her blessings. My fortune took a turn and I lost my job after 4 years and I feel that my then girlfriend who is used to my high life could not adapt to the reduced standard of living and we call it quits. Well, love without sex is intolerable but love without MONEY is impossible. When I was married & unavailable I was told I was intelligent, handsome & desirable now I am more intelligent(I think) though not so handsome, single & available but consider Undesirable. becos I believe I was then Mr.Group Sales Manager but now I am Mr. Taxi Driver.

  21. Hi Hew Lee

    I ticked through the four views of the women’s conclusion, nodding away. Very apt that computers should be masculine.

    Yes, the 4Rs are intrinsic; you either have it or not.

    ‘Less argument/disagreement = less stress in the family – better for the whole family.’ True. However, if it’s only this simple……..

  23. Hi Vincent

    A very frank sharing about your previous marriage and relationship.

    Your current job does not make you ‘Undesirable’ as you believe. In matters of the heart, I believe in Fate.

    Even if Fate no longer comes knocking, be happy, like me.

    Hope you feel better after sharing with us. I am glad you did.

  24. Ref TS’s #19

    I would like to further add to the rings of romance/marriage:

    1 endea ring
    2 engagement ring
    3 wedding ring
    4 bo ring
    5 suffe ring
    6 endu ring (till death do us part or ….)

    ….. when one party will finally say “This is the only life I’ve got. It’s up to me to make it what I want!

    Ah ha…

  25. Tks Geraldine for bringing up such an interesting topic for discussion. Hee3

    Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? I only discovered about this love language recently and maybe, it’s just too ….

    Different people express love in different ways. Seems that there are five languages of love viz:

    – quality time
    – words of affirmation
    – gifts
    – acts of service
    – physical touch

    What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse. For example, he sends you flowers (gifts)when what you really want is some time to talk (quality time). She gives you a hug(physical touch) when what you really need is a home-cooked meal (act of service). The problem is both parties are speaking different love languages. Each of us have our own unique needs. Marriage is really ‘hard work’ with each party trying to meet the other’s unique needs: other than ‘making babies’.

    Last, but not least, we don’t know a person until we live with him or her! True or False?

    Have a good weekend everyone,
    Gabriella

  26. It is a rainy Saturday evening here. Scanned the site and found that this is the post I want to participate, after seeing so many heartfelt comments and opinions.

    I may be wrong but this is how I feel. A person (man or lady)who does not have too much of a choice in landing the other half will have a more lasting marriage. I am married for 20 years – and believe me, it wasn’t easy for me during the search. Still don’t know why my wife fell for me then but till today we still tell each other (not explicity shy lah), “You are my only choice and I am your only choice”. Having said that, nothing is absolute and we can only keep our fingers crossed till Kingdom comes.

    There are two songs from my favourite singers which I like to share with all concerned. They are Cantonese so I am sorry if some of you do not read Chinese.

    This one is for those who feel lonely –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ43Pcsmj1I

    This one advises people to see life positively –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0MSVtV2tVA&feature=related

  27. Hey Daniel

    sam hui is one of my fav singers too. And i often sing these 2 songs at ktv. I hv lots of his songs in my mp3.

    Thx 4 sharing these songs w us. I enjoy thm v much.

  28. Hi I am back. Went out for supper with family. Gosh guess what ?
    Spent almost 100 bucks for 4 at a rest. in Chinatown.
    Thanks Agnes. Glad you like Sam Hui’s songs. Beautiful songs indeed.
    I noticed you write well in Chinese too.
    ????, ???????

  29. Hi Gabriella

    Love your additional rings…..very true for many couples.

    ‘….. when one party will finally say “This is the only life I’ve got. It’s up to me to make it what I want!’ Right on!!

    Glad to know you find this topic interesting and thank you, for commenting.

    To answer your true or false, my first instinct is to say True but stopped to ponder.

    A couple obviously will know each other better when they live together but this is where it gets ‘tricky’.

    Some people lead double-lives. For instance, they do all the ‘normal’ things, perhaps are even model citizens but they are psychopaths, serial killers etc and may very well go to their graves without ever been found out, not even by their partners.

  30. hi all,

    just a Captain’s humble opinion.

    Many men put more energy into maintaining their car than they will into maintaining their marriage.

    Take your woman out and cut her some slack. Don’t insist that everything go your way.” Listen, nod, agree now and then ? but within limits.

    Doing these things is not the same as compromise.Women don’t get what they want because men can’t deliver emotional intimacy. Make your women feel appreciated, cherished, loved and desired in their marriage

    Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage:
    1.The woman always makes the rules
    2.These rules are subject to change without notice
    3.No man can possibly know all the rules
    4.The woman is never wrong
    5.If it appears the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the man did or said
    6.The man must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding
    7.The woman can change her mind at any time
    8.The man must never change his mind without the proper consent of the woman
    9.The man must read the mind of the woman at all times
    10.At all times, what is important is what the woman meant, not what she said.

    Have a Blessed week ahead.

  31. Thx Daniel . I notice u r bilingual urself. :)
    ?????, ????. ?????.
    ??????????????!
    Ok , i think we better stop. I learn tt cannot use other ‘s thread to chat, sm members may not like it.
    ????????????!

  33. Hi Jimmy #30

    Agreed with what Lily has just said #32. “Your wife is one lucky woman!” and you are one in a million husband :-)

    “Make your women feel appreciated, cherished, loved and desired in their marriage”…. that’s all a woman needs? But of course, must have be enough $ too. Cannot live on love and fresh air, right? hee3

    Cheerio,
    Gabriella

  34. There are many marriage counsels in Singapore trying their best to mend about-to-broken-marriages. I supposed our friends on this postings who have divorced have been to see the counsellors.

    To those who are married, I would like to share my experience. This coming June, my wife and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. To keep a marriage intact for 50 years and beyond (until death do us part) requires inner peace, the love to sacrifice for your spouse and children ( where sacrifice is a joy not a resentment). The “self must come first” principle must not be around. If both parties truely believe and acted on these virtues, all other matters will naturally fall into place.

  35. Hi Wai Jin

    I would like to say ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ on your upcoming 50th wedding anniversary.

    Wow, what a milestone! Yep, ‘If both parties truely believe and acted on these virtues, all other matters will naturally fall into place.’

    It’s a very nice feeling to see couples who have been together for a long, long time have the same ‘goals’ and work at keeping their marriages intact.

    Very nice.

  36. One big secret is to have fun together ;)

    ======================================================
    One day at the Mayo clinic for a checkup, this couple entertained themselves – and everyone else – with the piano in the lobby. At the age of 90 and married 62 years, these two enloyed themselves like they’re in their 20s. This is a great video that shows we are only as old as our attitude. May they be an inspiration to all couples & SHCians.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-l0tK8Ok0

  37. My mom marriage was a failure but see us all grown up and
    got married before she leave this world.

    Very often when I heard conversations about a couple’s relationship or marriages, whether is a failure or success,
    fate was mention as one of the factor.

    As for myself, I get to know my girl (about 3 years plus 10 years of dating her), and now married for 32 years, I choose also to believe in fate.

    Some years ago I read about marriage in the i-ching.

    It states as follows:

    1. The completion of one’s marriage vows is dependent upon
    and governed by fate. Marriage is an unpredictable as warfare.

    2. Two people entering into marriage should realize that
    helping and balancing each other can be a form of torture and that they may argue constantly.

    3. Marriage should not be forced. It should not be used for
    business purposes and it should not be used as a payment for a favor. A marriage that is forced is like a time-bomb.

    4. A person should not rush into a marriage. As much time as possible should be taken to find a good spouse. One cannot find a good mate when one is in a hurry. Never having married is not as bad as regretting a bad marriage. Many people are hurt when a marriage does not work.

    5. Marriage must be a pure and unconditional act. When a
    person enters into a conditional marrige, he or she is
    fooling himself. The losses will outnumber the gains.

    Unquote:

    Anyone want to share your thoughts on the foregoing principles as revealed in the i-ching?

  38. Why is it when an older man marries a younger woman, it’s considered okay and acceptable whereas when an older woman marries a younger man, it’s not okay and unacceptable?

    A happy and enduring marriage has nothing at all to do with the ages and age difference of the couple. If the man is older that does not necessarily means he is more mature and hence,more responsible.

    One of the reasons that makes a marriage ticks, in my personal opinion, is the commitment by both parties to stay faithful and see each other as the ‘one half’ that makes both ‘complete’ people.

    The perception that shared interests, similarities in characters and having the same/equal education qualifications is the crux of ALL successful marriages, is just a myth. I know of many happily married couples who are total ‘opposites’ of their spouses. I happen to fall into this group.

    To me the core or the foundation of a good marriage is LOVE and RESPECT for each other.

    I can go on and on but as many pointers have already been said by other members, I don’t want to be long-winded. :)

    Cheers
    Ros

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