HAVE A GOOD LAUGH!
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman’s period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn’t come means you are in big trouble.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman’s underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman’s hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What’s common between men and video?
A: Both go backward… forward… backward… forward… backward…. forward… stop and eject.
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?A: A teabag.
7 qualities to be a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible
Energetic
Adorable
Sweet
Truthful and
Self-Organized.
In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl’s skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy’s hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked ‘Why’?
A: The animals told him………..’Your tail is in the front’. |
Catherine Ho
Hahaha. I didn’t know you were capable of such ‘naughty’ jokes. What will your students think? ;-)
Thanks for the morning chuckles.
Catherine Ho
U still got time to post ??? I tot u will be real busy with all the examination paper.
That a good one that make my day . Thanks
Karen
Thanks Karen for introducing some chuckles into our lives – we need it esp. with grey clouds everywhere. Rgds, Lisa
Hi Karen!
Thought you knew that on the fourth day, we normally have a half day. We’re not machines le. Sometimes machines also will break down if don’t take a break like now!
Lisa!
Did U read properly who put the post? Ha..ha..
Nice Jokes. I like especially the last one.
Hi Catherine,
Thanks for the sexy jokes…
had a good laugh :-O)
Dear All
Some sharing !
Subject: 5 lessons to laugh and learn about !
Enjoy !!
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, ‘Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each’
So the eager senior manager shouted, ‘I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries.’ Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted ‘I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.’ Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, ‘I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm.’
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: ‘ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST’
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
‘Listen,’ said the CEO, ‘this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?’
‘Certainly,’ said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
‘Excellent, excellent!’ said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. ‘I just need one copy.’
LESSON II: ‘NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING’
LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, ‘What kind of -ese are you?’
The Japanese confused, replied, ‘Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.’
The American repeated, ‘What kind of -ese are you?’
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, ‘What kind of -ese are you
… Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc…….??? ‘
The Japanese then replied, ‘Oh, I am a Japanese.’
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of ‘key’ was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, ‘What do you mean what kind of -kee’am I?!’
The Japanese said, ‘Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?’
LESSON III: ‘NEVER INSULT ANYONE’
LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, ‘Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true.’
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, ‘WINE’.
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, ‘VODKA’ and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, ‘BEER’. He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, ‘SHIT!!!!!!! ……… ‘
LESSON IV: ‘THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN’
LESSON 5
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain……. .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood……. . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach… I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs…….. . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes…….. . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it’s
going.
Asshole….. I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 – Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 – Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 – Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 – Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 – Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: ‘NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE’………
Kind regards.
SORRY…this may be yeeech for some.
Desperate people…..depressing poems.
Here I sit in stinky vapour,
Because some heartless stole the toilet paper;
Shall I stand, or shall I linger,
Or shall I just use my finger?
Here I sit,
Broken hearted;
Tried to shit,
But only farted.
You one of a lucky few,
To arrive ahead of them.
I just join the queue,
And release it in my pants!
One toilet abuse poem deserves another. Enjoy!
What is expected to be there, is not there,
And your hands you wring in despair.
Now tissue paper is part of our daily gear,
Since we know toilet paper can disappear.
But even in desperation, use not the fingers,
‘Cause the stench lingers, and the smears,
Punish the undeserving with the abuse –
They who must also the same toilet use.
(copyrighted)