Time flies and it’s already mid year. Many of you have been SilverHairsClub members for some time, while others are new. For those who are new, I am sure you are wondering what SHC is all about. For those who have been with us for a few years, you probably have some expectations. Now, let’s see if we can refresh and review SilverHairsClub.
SHC’s prime and only objective is to provide a platform for SHCians, over 45, to meet new and more friends. With new and more friends, we take our SilverHairs years into another level.
Over the next one or two months, I like to ask you to open up and share with us what ideas and expectations you have. Is there something you wish SilverHairsClub or its members can do? Is there something you like to do for the club to make it more vibrant and exciting? What other activities do you hope to see, besides dancing, cycling, walking, eating, golfing, board games, bowling, mahjong, travelling, chatting and talking about retirement living?
Share with all of us. Who knows, your idea or suggestions may trigger others to think aloud too. And, please do not trample the ideas or suggestions of fellow members. So, go ahead and actively speak your mind.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Thanks for opening up this post.
It’s a good time to take stock of SHC directions, goals and
wish lists.
For me, I’ve 3 major items in mind:
1) Since we have so many activities going on all round,
would it be a great idea if we can compile most of them
into a VCD/DVD, not just with fotos, but with movies, sound
and special effects thrown in as well? I can volunteer for
that but need cooperation from various EOs posting the
events. What do EOs for Walk, Cycling, Makan, Travel, Dances
Games, DnD, Talks, etc think?
2) There was talks of making the Blue Helmut project
successful. Todate, the educational project and ‘retirement
resort’ cocepts had been kick-started. I would very much
like to see some achievement on this.
3) We talked about the S.M.S system some 3-4mths ago and
only a small trial had been conducted. Wondering if there’s
a real need for this and if so, how can we popularise this
like the SHC website.
Appreciate feedbacks on these items, if anybody has.
james
Thanks James for kicking off this post with your feedback.
Calling Steven Chan, Thomas Loh, Andrew Koh, Charles Wee, Richard Kee and Sekaran, may I ask you to share with us your ideas and suggestions on how to take SilverHairsClub forward into the future. You have been with SilverHairsClub for some time and your feedback is useful.
And TimL, as you have become more sober, I think your voice would be equally valued. We like to hear from u too..
Terence Seah
Hi Terence
My take is, Silverhairsclub may be the only social club which has social activities galore throughout the whole calendar year for its members to participate in, with quite a rapid churning out of a wide variety of selections for which perhaps, even fully-retired SHCians may feel spoilt for choices due to the hostfull of varied events organised.
Thus, I am “pricked” into wondering what is your seemingly “concerned anxiousness” in wanting more to be done for Silverhairsclub by prodding SHCians for a further “re-invention” of ideas despite the pronounced activation of current on-goings.
With due respect Terence, and to all SHCians too, do you harbour feelings that Silverhairsclub is “directionless” on an aimless path?? Perhaps you feel this “loose body” of SHCians is sometimes being exploited by a few more enterprising members pursuing their own personal ends due to the fact that because of a “missing heirarchy” there will continually and intermittently be decisions made in the name of Silverhairsclub bordering on a personal bias/ego. Do you also feel perhaps, without a assumed “main agenda”, that Silverhairsclub on account of being a “loose organisation” may gradually disappear into oblivion??
On a comparative elaboration, though I do not feel “attached” to the Red Hawk Sports Club which after 30yrs of existence is still without a clubhouse premises, but I have after 20yrs of membership fully comprehend the club’s founders’ ideal, in that RHSC is essentially a Walk-Jog association per se – explicitly without other sporting or social activity, specifically walk-jog only, where members grouped together in four, five or more groupings on twice or thriceweekly morning/evening walk-jogs in various locations. Additionally, the fact is RHSC from its 5th anniverssary holds an annual AGM with members electing the club’s office-bearers and suggesting future events to participate in and newer locations to walk-jog, inclusive of foreign content. Incidentally, my take is more than half of the 400plus RHSC members are quite “fanatical” in their solitary interest.
In my honest opinion, I steadfastly feel the “missing link” for us is the establishment of a Silverhairsclub clubhouse premises which will provide the binding cohesiveness for members whose commitment and loyalty as a SHCian will be a decisive factor collectively in enhancing the foundation of Silverhairsclub’s infinite survival.
Terence, you have founded an organisation at an opportune moment as a undeniable potentially great receptacle for accomondating the increasing greyness of Singaporeans. Thus, it is my steadfast opinion that a Silverhairsclub clubhouse will provide the base to anchor committed and loyal SHCians together because then we shall all have a officially pronounced identification(besides having a logo), probably similar with my experience with The Gunong Sayang Association, a Baba & Nyonya club.
Regards
Abel Tan
I have always this belief that everybody has an objective in life, especially regarding their SilverHairs years. It may be about fulfilling their responsibility towards their children or their parents. Another objective may be to get out of loneliness, now that the children are big and managing well. Another may be to do something for society. We never know.
I hope this post on new ideas and suggestions will inspire the silent or even noisy ones to share with us what they have in mind.
To me, I like to inspire more men, and I really mean more men to participate in activities. Where are the men and what is holding them back from raising their hands to lead in an activity or two. Are they too busy at home and not finding time for social activities? Let’s hear from them.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
…Are they too BUSY at home and not finding time for social activities? Let’s hear from them.
Maybe too busy attending to their mistresses woes in Batam every weekend. Ha! ha! :)
Hi Terence,
Without a regular committee you have since the last few years planned the activities for SHC! My take is that we should try to form group to be in charge of certain activities.
Some of the events like our annual D&D and Games Day are regular feature and we should allocate fixed date for them. Other activities like travel and makan should also have their own group to be in charge.
The different group can meet and take turn to organise the various events. Each group will look out for potential EO from within SHC and encourage them to post an activities from their group.
Given time more and more members are rope into the different groups to plan activities for the year. Dolly as Club Manager will co-ordinate all the activities for the year.
Since joining SHC I am always on the lookout to plan activities for our members. We must learn not only to receive but to give back to society for what we are today!
Dan
Hi Dan #6,
You have offered another side of the picture on how to organise regular events, in probably a more systematic manner. Let’s hear from other supporters of this viewpoint.
In all my life, I have always tried to be systematic. Somehow, with SilverHairsClub, I have taken the approach to be less organised, and support some form of disorganisation in our activities. A disorganised structure tends to generate more ideas, while a systematic committee tends to narrow thoughts and creativity. So far, this seems to have worked very well. Let’s hear from others. You can be sure Dolly and Yew Kwong are listening to new viewpoints too.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
To be frank, being a new member (still green although was in green for 27 years), I have been keeping away from the forum section comments as I am afraid that I might have disagreement over issues and thus might cause misunderstanding. However, for this forum, I am giving my feedback and what I would like to see in SHC.
1. Take stock of our active and inactive SHC members.
For active and semi active members, there are no issues. However, for inactive members, we need to find out why they are not joining us in our activities after registering themselves as a member of SHC. What are their expectation from SHC and what we can do for them to be at least a semi active member like me as I still need to work to support my 3 children’s education.
However, I do spend time going thru the forum at least 2 to 3 times a week. If there is an event of my interest, I will try my best to go for it, subject to my off day or leave approval. In the meantime, I will continue to do my best in SHC, while waiting for my retirement.
2. Monthly Gathering
In monthly gatherings, the first 15 or 30 minutes should be allocated for getting to know new members. EO or a senior member should introduce the new member and the new member to give a short brief of him / her if there is no profile of themself. After that we can have some games / quiz or mingle around as a whole.
Only at the later stage, members who are close to each other form up their own groups for games and chit chatting session. In this way, all members (new or old) would be spending more time together (gathering).
Suggest that we introduce “Toastmasters” during our Monthly Gathering. Although I am not a speaker, I would like to be one and would like to see members speak up too. Members can come up and speak on the subject of their / our interest (but comply with SHC Rules and Regulations). I am sure, there could be an experience Toast Master/ speaker in our SHC, who can guide us to be good speaker and give feedback for improvement.
3. Travels
It’s my favorite watch in the SHC forum. I really appreciate the EO’s taking all the effort in planning the travel/tours for our members. It’s not an easy task but I am sure they have the knowledge on the place to go, before placing it here for member’s participation. But here, there is a limitation in country for travelling if they are not familiar with the country.
Suggest that for travelling to other places of interest where our EO’s are not familiar with, we get the number of members interested to a particular place first. Then we can request for quotation from few reliable tour agents as package for our members. If, satisfied with the best quote given, then we can go for it. In this way, we can cover more places starting of with Asia.
4. Retirement Village
I like the idea of staying for about 3 months in Overseas but I am not ready for it at the moment. Staying and travelling in overseas with our fellow SHCians would be beneficial to all of us as we can take care of each other when need arises. However, to date there has been only proposal for locations but no physical exploration done too.
My suggestion would be to identify a country first. For example, Malaysia, then with the help of a member who has a good knowledge of the country helps us to get a place for rent for a month. The place should have all the facilities for a group of 6 to 8 members. Interested members can then form up a group and start exploring the place and even go for short tours around there for about 10 to 15 days or more. Upon their return, they can share their experience with other members so that another group can be form up and go. Once we have identified the country/place with all the facilities, then we should look into the possibilities of have a Retirement Village there. Even though, if it did not turn out to our expectations for Retirement Village, we should be happy that we have covered and explored the place as a tourist. Then, after start looking for another place.
Finally, I support the idea of James Tan # 01 volunteering to compile our activities in VCD/DVD. Hope that EO’s can come forward to support him in his work. I also agree with Dan Huang # 6 that a group should be formed for the regular activities we have. In this way, members in the particular group could learn from each other too.
Sorry, it’s a long writeout to be read, but it’s what in my mind for the moment. Hope other members could come in and give their feedback and views too. Thank you.
Sekaran
Hi Terence,
Hope you are better now.
May I make 2 suggestions?
1) Monthly Meeting.
Consider allowing non members who are brought-in by SHC members, to attend. This will provide an opportunity for non-members to meet SHC members and it serves 2 advantages: a) recruitment of new members and b) fresh ideas (with due respect to existing members, who are already doing a good job). Inventory shd not be an issue bec the meetings are held in public places anyway.
2) Coordinated Care and Support groups
The process of building friendships is on-going in SHC, so is our aging process. Some members build close relationships with others as they share good time together. If one day (chor chor!), when anyone is brought down by illness, will his/her SHC friends be able to help with care giving and support?
There are members within SHC who are Carer professionals and I wonder if it is possible to hear from them as to what is involved and then consider if it is possible to construct a network for such care giving (on a voluntary basis of course), by members for members.
HC.
Hi Hou Chong,
Gee, you broke one ice which is the suggestion to bring non-members to SHC monthly gatherings. I must say I have never supported this idea of non-SHC members attending SHC Mthly gatherings. You raised it, and we will review it. All ideas and suggestions on this Post will be reviewed end of Aug. Supporters of this idea should make known their support too.
On your second suggestion to look at Care network. I think this is excellent. Not sure how to do this though. Mary Perth has once suggested this idea too. Care givers, plse add your ideas and suggestions here.
Thanks Hou Chong.
Terence Seah
Hou Chong
Yours are 2 very good ideas.
1) Monthly Meeting.
Apart from allowing accompanied guests, I suggest a more ‘formal’ introduction of new members or existing members.
We can set aside 1 or 2 hours of the monthly meeting to introduce new or existing members who wants to be known to more members. Members who wish to participate submit their name to an EO who would preside as MC at the meeting. Each particpating member get 5-10 minute to present themselve followed by another 5-10 minute question/answer sesion. Those who have difficulty in public speaking can submit details to the MC to introduce him/her but he/she have to be there to answer questions on him/herself.It should be a relax and friendly session, members who prefer to mix with only their regular buddies need not join in and can continue to have their own activities at the monthly meeting.
2. Coordinated Care and Support Group.
Hope some experts will put up his/her hand to organize this. I put up my hand to learn.
Hi Sekaran,
Very good contribution from someone who is new and who has just helped organised the Bollywood night.
You have given some good tips on making the monthly gathering more valuable. I am aware we have tried introducing the new members, but maybe along the way, we could have done better. We take note of your tip.
Gee, I am so pleased to read your support for this idea of 3 mth retirement living overseas. It will take time, and I see we are building the interest. Good one, and we will place this idea on our list.
And on the DVD of activities, let’s also toy it over with James. My principle on a suggestion is if the EO can do it and manage it, I will support the idea.
Great ideas.
And now calling some of the ladies. Calling Susan Chang, Helen Kwek, Lin Chuah, Karen Thio and Daisy Yeo, having read this Post, can you share with us your ideas and suggestions for SilverHairsClub?
Terence Seah
Our SHC activities are great as they are. We can keep pushing the line using an incremental approach. Perhaps some fine tuning or tweaking will do. Let’s hear from more members especially the greater ‘silent majority’.
Hi Hou Chong,
Thanks for your great insight in Coordinated Care and Support groups as we are getting older year after year.
Let’s hear from more members especially the greater ’silent majority’regarding care Support. Just speak your mind.
Hi Hou Chong & Terence,
In SHC, I have come across some very good carers and I respect and salute these unsung heroes and heroines who provide unpaid care and support to their family members and friends who have a disability, mental illness, chronic condition, terminal illness and the frail aged.
First, SHC can form a support group for carers.
Why – because they need to take a break and relax and to recognise the importance of looking after themselves.
HOW – launch a carers activity day to bring all carers together for fellowship and fun, for them to offer a mix of information, expertise through sharing of good and bad experiences. Exchange of contacts for support & assistance (only if members are comfortable with this).
SETBACKS – some carers may not be ready to be involved especially those who are grieving with the person they are caring for.
ONGOING – include carers support corner into your monthly gatherings. Spend time with carers and find out how they are doing and if they need help.
Second – form a ‘casual’ carers group for SHC members
HOW – Meet and compile a list of carers, their contacts & availability and what they can do e.g. provide transport for hospital visits or help to wash and cook once a month or bring them out for a meal or give them a call. Carer and SHC members choose their own level of involvement which is positive and non-threatening. Preferably carers live in the same neighbourhood.
SETBACKS – some members may not want other members to know that they are sick or terminally ill for fear of exclusion and gossip.
ONGOING – include in your monthly gatherings, some activities for carers like talks on first-aid, proper diet, and social welfare, govt help for medical fees, etc.
SHC can spread the message of care for others and forge a deeper dedication towards our families and become the formative influences that would prepare ourselves for the golden years ahead.
Hou Chong, we can start ‘SPCC – SHC Perth Casual Carers’ for members here – besides your goodself, Stephen, myself, Linda Loh, Joan Wong, Agnes & Patrick Ang. I can provide cooked meals, feeding, transport for hospital visits.
Mary Lee (Perth)
Hi to all about the carer’s group,
My short conclusion is that we have no alternative but to keep ourselves fit, both mentally and physically.
While this does not have to mean that we have to win any medals, as a basic we have to keep ourselves ambulent and clear-headed.
Even if we were to visit the hospital or any old folks homes, the focus as we will then see is the same. They try to get them to play games and busy themselves by walking around.
So it is very good to see activities like walking, hobbies, board games and travelling being organised.
I have a friend who has said he intends to live till past a hundred. How does he intend to do this? He is an active investor and he reads the papers, follows all the news and gossips. He meets like-minded friends to exchange and share info and to have meals regularly.
He visits the casinos also regularly but is a very disciplined player. He has gambled on every game you can think off, be it casinos, commodities, futures etc
Every year he travels, mostly to PRC, where he is very confortable as he speaks Mandarin and knows all the Chinese culture, history, events and other Chinese historical figures. In his travels he will take all forms of transport, rail, buses, even motor cycles and he walks a lot.
Every Fri morn he will walk from his house in Coronation Walk to Turf City for breakfast with us. Every time I meet him he will tell me how he walked from his house to get a bus, MRT etc. He can tell you how to take a bus in Beijing, Shanghai to get from this place to that.
He says that is his plan for living past a 100. From what I can see, his plan is still realistic.
So while I can offer no special technique for long life, I can share what I think are good, realistic, workable plans to focus on.
My mum is 84, and when I see the doctor for ideas for her, it is always the same, keep yourself fit and ambulent. You need to walk, even if it is to the toilet, kitchen, the garden, you need to keep your blood circulating, so that it can keep your body rejuvenated with oxygen and other nutrients your body and muscles need. Consequently too you need to have a hobby which you enjoy, which hopefully you can share with other like-minded people.
So have some financial plan and a budget so that you will be free to focus on your dreams, whatever and wherever they may be.
So Hou Chong, since you are retiring away from Aus to here for some weeks, can you share how you have been spending your time and what you have discovered. I have a plan but I have already shared mine.
Cheers
“And TimL, as you have become more sober, I think your voice would be equally valued. We like to hear from u too.”
Thank you Sengh. Me just returned from a most forgettable break which I had intenbded it to be an unwind. The Gainthings HiLand name itself as such not for no reason so the sober me who left for the hills returned befuddled.
So if there’s anything more I can add, I will take sometime to say it altho many interesting suggestions have since been made…………
Will be taking a few short holiday breaks again before going back to a new grind mill.
Terence – You wrote: “With SilverHairsClub, I have taken the approach to be less organized, and support some form of disorganization in our activities. A disorganized structure tends to generate more ideas, while a systematic committee tends to narrow thoughts and creativity. So far, this seems to have worked very well.”
You have “hit the nail on the head!”
I wouldn’t change SHC. I love it the way it is.
Charles Wee put it across so eloquently: “Our SHC activities are great as they are. We can keep pushing the line using an incremental approach. Perhaps some fine tuning or tweaking will do.”
Precisely due to Terence allowing SHC to be “disorganized” or “unstructured” It is what it is today. It is vibrant, interesting, and fluid!
It has so many “different interest groups” such as: “dancing, cycling, walking, eating, golfing, board games, bowling, mahjong, traveling, chatting and talking about retirement living”, what else did I miss?… mmmm, oh yes, the “volunteer charity fund raisers”! I especially applaud them!
SHC exudes different persona depending on which angle it is being viewed.
It has so many different members: ranging from the “the eloquent and the civil” to the very down-to-earth and wholesome “ah bengs and ah lians”. (Just in case, the ah bengs and ah lians feel offended by being called such, I hasten to declare that I am a civil old ah lian.)
I reiterate: Don’t touch the present “unstructured” club. Keep it.
Expand and improve on:
1. Monthly gathering: Good suggestion to introduce new members during monthly gathering. No lah, don’t scare the poor fella with “5-10 minutes of intro”, just a “60 seconds intro” will do. No need for “Q&A”, too. Yes- allow SHC member to bring non-member.
2. “Carer support group”: Good suggestion to form such a group. The “carers” are truly unsung heroes and heroines. We could learn from them, at the same time lend them support.
3. SHC Clubhouse premises: The idea of SHC having a “permanent” or “designated” clubhouse premises, is enticing. However, I’d like to caution that the cost of rental, maintenance, collection of membership fees, and its inherent admin headache is “not worth it.”
4. Terence rightly said that “every one has an objective”. He wrote: “I have always this belief that everybody has an objective in life, especially regarding their SilverHairs years. It may be about fulfilling their responsibility towards their children or their parents. Another objective may be to get out of loneliness, now that the children are big and managing well. Another may be to do something for society.”
My objective in joining SHC was to reach out to people of similar interest and similar age, to enjoy doing fun things such as traveling, walking, dancing, and yes, to “get out of loneliness, now that the children are big and managing well.”
Yes – I have met some very nice and interesting members! Without SHC, I would not have met them!
At the back of my mind, I had wanted to “do something for society” in whatever small ways… Somehow, as it were, along the way, opportunity presented itself, and I did “do something for SHC members” by sharing the “Laughter Exercise at Hort Park”: It was “no big deal” – I merely announce its availability and venue. And I merely “show SHC members the way to the exercise venue”. It was conducted free, and the exercises were easy to do. Some SHC members could attest to the efficacy of the laughter exercise! They felt less stressed and they slept better at night!
5. Suggestion to “form group to be in charge of certain activities”. “Given time more and more members are rope into the different groups to plan activities for the year. Dolly as Club Manager will co-ordinate all the activities for the year.” – great idea. Let it roll!
This is the voice of the silent majority speaking…
I wish all SHC members many many happy years of getting together, making friends, having fun, sharing thoughts, sharing their lives….
“You (Sengh) have “hit the nail on the head!”
So you too did not miss seeing the hammer (not the platic type children play to make the pong pong sound)
but a sledgehamer he tucks in his pants jealously guarded by his legs which he uses to hit nails on as many head as are willingly laid for the hammer.
The last nails will of cos be hit in the box where he lies to close the glorious chapter he has given us all to read and to act our parts in it. But that box wont come easy for him bcos according to the rumour, he’ll hv to hit nails into no fewer than 2009 heads, and not every head can still think straight with a nail in it.
“It has so many “different interest groups……..dancing, cycling, walking, eating, golfing, board games, bowling, mahjong, traveling, chatting and talking about retirement living”, what else did I miss?”
You had missed the gossip & rumour group.
Like the vietcongs, they hide themselves undergroung but live their lives above ground. Like Gu Loong has said, “when you think it’s the safest, it’s actually the most dangerous”.
But without the vietcongs, vietnam wdnt hve been liberated so without the guerillas, SHCians wont be on their toes and maintain the best of behaviour all the time, inside and outside which then wd hv given Sengh very good reason to start knocking nails into heads of the misbehaving and so reaches the dreaded 2009 number to lie in that box……………so having guerillas is good. Yeah?
Hi Terence
#10 Great to hear from you.
It is encouraging to hear that suggestions on this post will be reviewed and the comments would also be weighted, in due course.
Hi Tian Soo
#11 Thanks for your support
I totally concur with your suggestion to include a slot in monthly meeting for new members to be introduced and existing members to be heard. I believed that such arrangements would allow information to be disseminated and issues highlighted.
Hi Mary
#15
Thank you for your input regarding carers and support for carers – many things that you brought up made a lot of sense. I can guess from your notes that you must have had first hand experiences in the carer’s role and of course, a very kind heart to be able to feel the needs of the needy.
Hi Charles
#16
Guess living to 100yo is great, hope to have all my friends and family members still with me to celebrate my birthday though..haha.
My observation : lifestyle in S’pore is a vibrant one with many public places providing the facilities to cater for recreational activites. At the same time, SHC played an important role in providing a base for many to take part in activities which they would otherwise, have forgone. In the last few days, I have attended a few gatherings and met some members. I note that members showed lots of enthusiasm in the activities which they participated in and they also got on well with one another. A good base for bonding and thus, my thoughts turned towards the subject of caring for one another in the later years.
Without going into too details (so as to avoid making comparisons), living in Perth provides a different appeal. It is more a home based lifestyle after sundown, for me at least. Outdoors are great when the weather allows it.
By the way, I enjoyed both…hehe.
HC
Hi Terence,
I have another suggestion, let’s introduce ”Rent a SHC husband”…haha.
and to be fair to the men, “rent a SHC wife (or wives)” too…hehe.
For those of you who are quick to infer, sorry, rent a husband or rent a wife may not be able to extend to the kind of personal services which are forbidden.
Anyone having difficulty doing a job which is beyond himself or herself, can look towards someone in SHC to assist. Eg a lady may want help with interior painting, changing a tap washer etc. Similarly, a man may need help with food preparation for a house gathering or perhaps, just a small task eg a hair trim. There are opportunities for such exchanges within SHC. This one is not for “blue helmet” because of the meagre scale and bec it refers to adhoc/once-off type of task.
In SHC, we have members registered under the cycling group, golfing group, dancing group etc. Extending it to “Rent a husband/wife,” we can establish the Tradesman (Painter, plummer, electrician) group, Gardening group, Chef (cooked food, pastry, dessert) group, Teaching/tutor group etc. Once the “husbands” and “wives” are found and grouped, we can draw on the various pools of talent – isn’t that wonderful?
HC
Hi Hou Chong
Your idea of a ‘Rent a SHC husband/wife’ is great except I do not want this to be the name of the group simply because there are widows, widowers, divorcees, singles in SHC. In other words it is politically incorrect.
I am a divorcee but I support your idea even though I do not live in Sg.
Hi SHCians,
About Coordinated Care and Support Groups Matter:
Just got an email reply from the Program Director of the Tsao Foundation (Hua Mei Centre for Successful Ageing). She can/is prepared to meet up with those interested to discuss this matter futher and see how they can help SHCians undergo selective training in Health Care; eventually becoming a “trained” care-giver for SHC members and by SHC members.
We can do this meeting/discussion with the Program Director at the next monthly gathering. Those interested, please let me know or put up your hands here.
Hmmmm…….Dolly……next monthly gathering…when r?? Please not between 01-04Aug2009….bcos going to Padang too chia tua tua ang kon kon a lobster….
Hi Ivan,
Thank you for the initiative on meeting TSAO foundation. Please let’s identify the SHCians who have an interest to lead in this Care Givers support group first. Then you and this group meet up with the Program director. I will join this meeting.
We keep the CARE meeting separate from the monthly gathering as this has a separate objective. Once you and the CARE group are ready and know what it wants to take SilverHairsClub through, I believe we can proceed. Meantime, let’s wait for a dedicated EO to raise his/her hand to lead this group. Would you like to be the EO?
Terence Seah
Hi Geraldine #22
The term “rent a husband” is the terminology used and accepted in W Aus
alth it is a misnomer. It certainly post a stronger sales pitch then “Rent a handy
man” which in reality, is what it is all about.
I can appreciate your point of view and TQ for your support 2wds the idea.
HC
Hi Hou Chong
I understand. It’s the same in the US using this term. Just do not want SHC to use this. Yikes!
Exactly. It is actually ‘Rent a handy man’ in reality but it is more ‘gimmicky’ using husband instead. Hmmm, don’t mind using the term ‘Rent a lover’. Kekekekeeee………what do you think? Keee….now I’m tickled.
Dear friends,
Wow, so much had been discussed and I was still trying to put on my thinking cap. When I read Hou Chong and Mary (@ 9 & 15), I decided that they have my full support.
I like the idea of forming a “Support Group for Carers” and “Care Group”. The job of Carers can be a very demanding one, depending on the condition of the one he/she is looking after. Sometimes, the Carer may have even forgotten to smile, to destress or to take a break.
The “Care Group” comes in handy particularly for those who live alone. I believe it also helps to enforce closer friendship amongst members. However, I must also highlight that there should be NO ABUSE of free services provided by this group of kind people. Anyway, we can always work around on this issue at a later stage and make life happier for everyone. I tend to think that “rent” means money is involved. Can someone correct me, if I’m wrong?
Introduction of New Members – I vividly remembered that this was carried out at our monthly meetings when the club was established in the early days. Not sure what happened after that…
Terence #24,
I can be the EO for Selective Health Care Training of SHCians with the Tsao Foundation but I cannot commit myself to be the EO of the Coordinated Care and Support Group/Network in SHC due to time contraints and other associations commitments.
OK, am waiting for a Dedicated EO to raise his/her hand to lead this group/network in SHC. However, we can still start with a show of hands for those SHCians interested in the Selective Health Care Training with Tsao Foundation. Because who knows? May be from these training sessions, a Dedicated EO will emerge to lead this group/network in SHC.
Hi Terence
Hope you are better now. I have not been reading SHC posts awhile. Your post helps us to think again on what are some SHC objectives and a call for fresh inputs. As I commute between Perth and Singapore, I do miss out on some SHC activities but more important is whether some activities interest me. I think others may feel the same. So having a variety of activities can be a draw.
Mary #15.i certainly will offer my services to the project whenever I’m in Perth eg transport or helping to prepare meals but am without the necessary skills as a carer.Hope to see you again fishing.
Regards
Joan
Hi Ivan,
It is important that the EO of the Carer support group be dedicated and reasonably knowledgeable in this subject to take us through the learning and activities of this project. A half hearted EO will only drop out halfway. So, let’s take time and hope that we have a volunteer from within SilverHairsClub.
In the meantime, plse take us through as we are introduced to this Carer project. It is important that we only have SHCians to guide and lead us through.
This Post is intended to generate new ideas and suggestions, so it would be good if you start a new Post on the Carer project. Stay general in the beginning. Thank you as we embarked on something new. It is interesting there is a lot of support to start this activity.
Terence Seah
Brainstorming is basically holding the head with both hands and shaking the brain liquids inside it. Once the liquids stabilise, a new idea is created.
If you are reading this Post, I like to encourage you to do the above exercise, and share with us what ideas and suggestions you have for SHC. The idea may be crazy. Do not be afraid that you are the only one with crazy ideas. If you are good at something or even nothing, share it with us.
Terence Seah
Hi Geraldine
#26 “Rent a lover” ? Catchy and v exciting, definitely a sell out….haha.
Hi Ivy
#27 Just to clarify :
The “Rent” in #21 #22 refers to “Rent a handy man”. A separate proposal from that of Coord Care and support project.
HC
Hi Hou Chong,
You have again initiated a good suggestion for SHC. I remembered you discussed this “Rent a husband” with the Perth group. Skeptical at first, if the idea was just for sex, we had a good laugh over the role of “Rent a husband”. Then, you showed us the Australian newspaper classifieds, and there were a number of ads offering house husbands with skills in plumbing, wiring, choked sinks, walking the dog, and even keeping the mother company.
Thinking aloud. I like this service too. It is always a tussle whether one should charge for such services. I guess if the fees are mentioned upfront, “Rent a husband” will work. Perhaps, in exchange for a meal or even in exchange for a baked cake or a returned service, your idea will also work.
For me how? “Rent a wife”?
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Investors’ Club is catching on in Singapore. Such trends have taken off rapidly in Mlaysia and HK and reflect the growing interest in the stock market as instruments of investment for ordinary folks. We all know that the next up-trend rally will be the biggest one in our lifetime. Of course nobody knows when. We can prepare ourselves so that we can raise the odds of making profit by learning to follow “rules” rather than our emotions. How to do it?
My idea is to start SHC Investor Club as initially a social club to educate its members on how to properly invest their money using various feasible investment methods.
Club members meet once a month and are given individual responsibility of researching investments (can be specific stock fundamental) and then sharing their ideas with the other members of the club.
If things works well and members like minded grow-risk strategies, in future we can pool of funds to make joint investments, which may include IPO placement, etc….
For a start I can help in the following:
1. arrange to use meeting facilities at Phillip Securities’ Investment Centers in various parts of Singapore. Air-con meeting rooms for 10 to 100pax with big screen and overhead projector can be arranged at no charge. F & B paid by individuals.
2. arrange for experts from Phillip (and others) to give us talks periodically.
3. share my knowledge and experience in appying simplified ‘rules’ covering technical analysis, entry and exit strategies, risk management, etc for monitoring specific stocks, EFTs, extended contracts, etc.
4. circulate weekly, monthly stock magazines, etc…. to save cost.
I am a Phillip Security Consultant in the Mobile Remisier Team and have learned and practiced ‘swing’ trading strategies for investment in stocks and options over the last 3 years.
I have been a SHC member for the last 6.5 months and have been following the various happenings with interest.
The stock markets have been rather subdued since Dec 2007, and we don’t want to get ready only when the big bully rally has already started.
So, what say you guys? Interested?
Hi Ben,
In the last one year, various speakers from within SHC have led and participated in equity discussions. I have noticed that the responses vary from 20 to 30 people. The discussions are pretty vibrant, although the viewpoints are rather debatable and can be hot. However, I see we have not followed up and equity discussions on the forum have since quieten down. There was also a suggestion for a SHC investment club, not too sure where this topic has landed. Generally, SHC does not support pooling of funds for investment in the name of SHC.
I guess your suggestion can take off well, if you are ready to guide a group of interested participants, raising awareness and knowledge in online equities trading. If you perserve, the group will last with you. If not, the group would just fade.
It is important you highlight the risks involved in such investments and trading. Any pooling of funds or trading should not be done in the name of SHC.
May I suggest you start a new Post.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence @#33,
Am glad that you mentioned the idea of an exchange of sorts. I think this scheme serves a real need not only in the community but also in society.
You also suggested that if the ‘exchange’ is one-way, the recipient of the favour can show his/her appreciation in kind. This is really good – graciousness aplenty.
(Aside: Hey Steven C, want to help me set up my corridor garden in exchange for a big cup of gourmet Vietnamese coffee? lol! )
I’m also not adverse to the idea of payment if the service is not foc. Transparency is needed here to avoid misunderstanding.
Hope this exchange idea takes off. It can be fine-tuned along the way. -)
Hi Ben
#34
I support the idea of introducing an investor group within SHC if the aim includes providing a base for fact finding and information sharing. You will find that there are many members in need of learning the fundamental knowledge of financial products and also in need of an understanding of forces driving market sentiments. These investors rely heavily on their Relationship Managers’ recommendations and unknowingly, exposed themselves to risk beyond their desired appetite.
HC
This Post calls for you to share any ideas and suggestions you may have for the SilverHairsClub. If you are concerned that some ideas or suggestions may be rejected, feel comfortable, I am unlikely to do so.
To encourage you, I would share with you what topics I would definitely reject.
1. Politics.
2. Sex – procurement of sexual services.
3. Race
4. Religion
5. Direct selling
6. MLM.
Advertising is available on the 2GreenDots.com website.
Have fun. Please crack your heads harder.
Terence Seah
Hi Jassmine Teo /others,
Let’s start the ball rolling and fully supports Hou Chong’s idea of ” Rent a Husband ( Gardener) in exchange for
Rent a Wife ( Physiotherapist.)
…..Jokes aside: Hey Steven C, want to help me set up my corridor garden in exchange for a big cup of gourmet Vietnamese coffee? lol! )
I’m also not adverse to the idea of payment if the service is not foc. Transparency is needed here to avoid misunderstanding.
OK. For 2 hrs. of landscaping your garden and sweating in the hot sun in exchange for 1 hr.of FOC massage. Not Vietnamese coffee,I still had a new pack given by my cousin.( Not to worry ABSOLUTELY NO hanky panky,I wear pyjamas in broad daylight like in Johor Baru.
My personal service is of the highest quality and
your service require will be kept
STRICTLY confidential.
If interested pl.write to my email add ,for private appointment only and not in this post.( SHC has got lots of gossipers and rumour mongers enough is enough ,don’t want to “excite” them leh! and news spread like wild fire like in Xinjiang lately.
Alamak! Now my 10 days Silk Route China Tour has to be on hold as one of the cities to visit is Urumqi and other nearby affected towns. Swea :)
(1 consolation though ,I can still look forward to my 4 days Padang Trip with Fun Loving SHCians. )
Deal or no deal ? Ha! ha! :)
KT was very active in the 2nd quarter of 2007 and into 2008, drummoing up interests in his derivatives trading and ATM. Then the financial tsunami came and swept all and sundry. His ATM usefully turned into MAT which offered comfort for the knees of the ravaged as they prayed for better times to return, and to return quickly.
At the height of the market meltdown, I thought the economy shd bottom-out in abt Sep 2009 but it will be a very huge U recovery with a very elongated bottom which will prolong the pain of those out of jobs and without money. I’ll be very sad if I got my prediction right.
With gamblings offered by sporepools/turf club 24/7 and cyber gamblings freely available, people wont wait for a full economic recovery (and what is full recovery, anyway?) to look for money.
So there’ll be fistfuls of dollars (some borrowed from ah longs) thrown into the stock-mart, which is one big arena where, with so many pent-up smd waiting to recover what they had lost, will defy logic and absence of fundamentals to push the mart up. Go for a quick kill, take profir, exit quickly and leave the uncles & aunties who finally got wind that “good times areback” to carry the dead cat.
Then, the dead cat will come alive again, do another rebounce. And then go dead again.
The clever ones who got $ out of the ins-and-outs of the stockmart soon believe that it’s time to dabble in the property mart, and so filled show-houses in droves at previews and weekend lauches.
This upbeat mood, bouyancy will sustain itself for another year and another so long as the signs of global(or at least Asia’s) recovery coninue to come, nvm if it’s pnly a trickle.
But if in these 2 years, another tsunami hits – an dit wont be another conman like Madoff wreaking havoc, they are all either exposed or serving time. The cause of this debacle will not have anything to do with the financials.
The Uighurs are angry. The Hans want revenge. Teerorists will find time to make love and procreate as everyone knows, it’s easy to find dtrength in numbers. Mr Kim is flexing his muscles. The grapes of wrath are fermenting. Dupe-By has overbuilt, in debts and the thot of upping oil price to pay off debts can be very tempting.
In short, do what you think you’re confident enough to do with the $ in yr hands. Chances of making $ thru hit-n-run is very good in this recession. But never never borrow money or waste time talking and talking before making that investment. Go by the hunch…………yes, it can make or break.
Hi Ben Foo, Tim Liu and other SHCians too
One or two SHCians, namely Ronald Lee and Jong, know that I am a active stockmarket trader with very modest results.
Let me have your handphone numbers and at least twice or more a week I shall sms you by 9.15am with stock-tips.
Please be gently reminded that I am specifically a contra-player.
Regards
Abel Tan
Dear Friends
Thousand pardons, my HP number is ……. Sorry, do not entertain hp discussions. Please email me at abeltan@hotmail.com but please take note that due to work commitments may only be able to respond a couple of days later.
Regards
Abel Tan
Thanks, Abel for yr invite.
I am however not a stock-mart man. That I am still slogging hard today is due to my this illicit liaison with cows and bears so I hv severed all ties with double tops and single bottom.
But believing I know enough of the gamblers’ mindset, I said what I did 2 posts earlier. It’s this and similar mindsets which give that oomph, impetus to financial trading and make it so exciting, and dangerous.
Nevertheless, you can reach me at wmmwjp_a for fellowship anytime………..
Hey Steven @# 39,
The ball cannot roll lah! There’s a big batu in front! I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else cuz it doesn’t sound like me you’re addressing: (i)I don’t have physio. skills (ii) don’t have land for you to scape, hence no sun to sweat under.
Now, since you don’t want gourmet Vietnamese coffee, can I offer you Tiger, Kit Kat + go to Clementi to water your plants when you are away in Padang and if you like, clear up your e-mail backlog!
Seriously though, I think there might me someone in SHC with the physio. skills that you are interested in.
Cheers,
Hi Jassmine,
….I offer you Tiger, Kit Kat + go to Clementi to water your plants when you are away in Padang and if you like, clear up your e-mail backlog!
Tiger Air ticket to BKK or Tiger brand Kit kat ?
Water my plts. It is O)K, my nephew will do the job.
So what else can you offer since watering is taken out,need to substitute with something else right.
Bargain like the Jews. Ha! ha! :)
As for email backlog, no thanks.
All my confidential mail and attachments will be read by you.
Do not want to end up infamous like Edison Chen .
Ha! ha! :)
Hi Jassmine Teo,
……(i)I don’t have physio. skills.
I can teach you some basic massage skills. Wanna learn ?
Never mind ,no need skills to “Dup Quat” as long you can press firmly and relax after 8 secs on those tired muscles will do but pls. don’t…………..
Ha! ha! :)
Dear Ivy
I totally know where you are coming from especially for caregivers. My personal experience taking care of my now late dad and your ongoing …
Besides support for caregivers, it is equally important to give support to a care group – for members needing help. Yes, we just have to be careful/draw the line for abuse of this support.
Thanks to Hou Chong for this idea which I support, too, besides the ‘Rent the Lover’. Good on you, mate!
Terence, why would you need to ‘Rent a wife’? For baking, what?! Gosh.
Hi Hou Chong, Geraldine and Mary (Perth),
I like to understand a little more about Care givers and Care support group.
To me, Care givers are individuals who are trained to look after invalids, disabled or sick people. Care givers help look after the sick and disabled people by helping them to eat, walk, exercise, shit, move around the bed, cut hair and take their medicines on time.
On the other hand, the Care group may be parents, aged organisations and nursing homes.
Without being too detailed, is this what we mean by Care givers and Care groups?
Terence Seah
Dear friends
Perhaps, Silverhairsclub can copy a “buddy system” of my one retirees’ group where between 7,8person to ten plus persons formed multiple groupings whom gather in rotational two groups every fortnight, for breakfast,lunch, high-tea or dinner gatherings. Buddies in each particular group will maintain contact with one another by calls, sms, emails or even home visitations.
Though seldom,but we do(from those who can) dish out monetary assistance to a few whom are momentarily cash-tight and the loan is usually repayable. The heavier load most of us feared and there are not more than 150 of us, is when one aged buddy(more than three-quarters of us are aged mid-60s and older) who lives alone becomes quite sickly as some of us are “emotionally-bound” to help out, for more than half of us are between the years 1977-94, belonging to one of three football fans-supporters’ group championing the Singapore team competing in the Malaysia Cup tournament.
Perhaps,in the next SHCians monthly meeting, some of us may wish to initiate a grouping or two in similar manner.
Regards
Abel Tan
Hi Terence,
CARERS
are those take care of family members and friends who have a disability, mental illness, chronic condition, terminal illness and the frail aged. Carers provide a wide range of practical and emotional assistance to those for whom they care including:
– accompanying the person cared for to medical appointments
– providing social support to the cared-for person
– providing support during periods of increased emotional or physical stress
– assisting the person they care for with dressing, bathing, toileting and mobility
– administering medication
– buying groceries, cooking, cleaning, handling household finances
– advocacy and negotiation with service providers
In SHC, there are carers who are currently looking after their aged parents and parents-in-law suffering from dementia, stroke and mental illness. While working full-time, I had been a carer for 8 years for my grandma (dementia), my mum (cancer) & my mum-in-law (stroke)…the St John ambulance years of training helped but still the demands were heaps…sacrifice, silent tears but enriching.
SUPPORT GROUP FOR CARERS
are those who provide support for Carers who may experienced emotional breakdown, difficult to juggle job & care demands and no time to relax. Services from the SUPPORT GROUP may include :
– a listening ear with regular phone-calls
– organise social gatherings and outings
– help to provide information, referrals and resources on govt financial entitlements, hospital support services, home help
– help to seek information about medicines, legal issues, health and wellbeing, respite and disease or condition-specific organisations.
Mary Lee (Perth)
one of the reason why ah nee, susan chang, ginko and norlinda and the others etc., are not responding to your posting is because they are here in yunnan.
for those of you who are concern about them, they want you to know that they are fine. the earthquake is far away from kunming though we felt it in kunming.
what bothers us is the warm weather, 18 deg C to 26 deg C which seldom happens in kunming at this time of the year. they ask that some of you do some rain dance.
victor is looking into details of retreat and short term stay in yunnan for volunteers, retirees and focused travelers.
Hi Terence #48
Mary’s write up on #50 is good and I have nothing to add. TQ Mary.
Hoped that when an EO come forward, he can guide us to dev the scheme – care grouping, extend of help- voluntary/duty/obligatory/commitment, consider areas of trust and abuses, when to enlist external help etc. the list goes on.
HC
Terence,
Yunnan is not a suitable place for retirement village, earthquake tremors all round the year. Still want to consider?
The 4 ladies had a fright of their lives. Suzhang was too shocked to be frightened as this is her first time experiencing earthq. She thought she was giddy. Ah Nee hasn’t recovered from her motion sickness, was traumatised by the shaking of the building. Nor ran down 11th floors in her pyjamas. Gingko forgot her spectacles, got to hang onto Victor’s haversack all the way down the stairs. Nor was distressed and have nightmare until Suzhang had to wake her up. Apa macam…. what an experience AGAIN ! guess no one will ever want to go holiday with me.:(
Ah Nee
Hi JamesTan
This is Nor. Thanks for your concern for smsing us while we were at Yunnan Nationality Village. While they have sedap makan-makan, I only ate old corn and old sweet potatoes…so kesian ! :)
We are all fine. No worries. Luckily you didn’t follow…if not very susah becos alot of walking, so much so poor Victor had to end up lying on the marble bench & tidoing on the grass….hmmmm.
Another lucky guy is Kenneth who was not aware of the quake becos he was busy shopping at the mall and fishing at the young beautiful girls…he.he.
Hi Ah Nee and the Yunnan gang,
Sorry to hear your ordeal with the earthquake, but relieve
that all of you were safe.
Treat it as an experience though. At least all of you had
time to react and run down.
When I was in Santa Clara, California, in the 80s, I
experienced the same magnitude of earthquake in the middle
of the nite when I was deeply asleep. Imagine, if that
quake had been the magnitude of last year Sichuan’s tremors,
I would not be alive to congratulate you today.
Treat it as a blessing then, that you are still able to
enjoy the beautiful sceneries around Yunnan.
Btw, I was in deep discussion with Feztus having a short
retirement of 2-3mths in Yunnan. Your post certainly gave
me a good reminder of the potential hazards. Thank you.
Enjoy while you are still there.
james
ANee & Groups in Yunnam, glad dat all of u r safe. Was trying to call Nor thru’ mbile but 2 no avail. Take care ok.. Dolly & Bira.
Terence #48,
Ya, Mary’s write up at #50 hits the nail on the head; summing up the differences between Care GIVER and SUPPORT Group.
Personally knows how it feels like and what it takes to be a Care GIVER……..but can’t do it (anymore) on a full-time or even on a part-time basis. I just dun have what it takes (anymore) to be a Care GIVER…..you have to be COMPLETELY DEDICATED and it can only be sustained by LOVE for it…….(PLUS sufficient FUNDINGS for the Care GIVER’s needs).
Hence, any contributions from my side in SHC will be more for the Care GIVERS’ well-being and behind the scenes works like arrangement for them to be Trained, make a cup of cofi for them when in groups, go for group foot-massage in the neighbourhood, small little things that can be manage……plus “talk-cock”…about everything under the sun…
Hi Folks in Yunnan.
I guess by now you all will be in Dali which is closer to the epicentre of this recent quake. The old cities at Dali and Lijiang have survived thousands of years and maybe the same number of earth tremors, so I think it is unlike to collapst while you all are there. Just don’t do line dancing, especially after a large meal.
Hope to see you all in a few days time. Ask Nor to try Yak meat….I think they are Hallal and taste better than corn and sweet potato.
When you girls start shopping in Dali and Lijiang I am sure you will not notice any tremors like Kenneth.
Hi Ah Nee, Nor and the Yunnan group, I am sure all of you have added to the tremor. I still remembered the decibels that Nor added when she saw a cockcroach in her room. Any idea how far is the epicentre of the earthquake?
Terence Seah
Terence #59
Yes I bet the group especially the 4 girls must have added a few notches on the richter scale hahahaha
Glad to know that all of you are safe and sound now. I am sure the group would have some scary stories to tell when they get back…poor Ah Nee hope your motion sickness does not affect you too much hor. Poor Nor, hope you are sleeping better now.
Sockie
Seems the Yunnan earthquake was serious. I read in the papers today. 400,000 people evacuated South west China. 5.7 magnitude. 7.19pm thurs. Epicentre 98km North east of Dali. 18,000 houses collapsed. 75,000 in 6 counties of Yunnan. 60 injured.
Hope you travellers are fine. Daisy Yeo sms me the news from Singapore. I am reading the thai Bangkok Post.
Terence Seah
Ah Nee & Company. Good to know you’re all well.
Ah Nee, you might like to create a new line dance going with the flow of the tremors you’ve experienced. If you need more inspiration perhaps there’ll be tremors in Padang too. Ha ha ha……
Terence, have not missed on your call for ideas and suggestions. Cracking my head now but promise I will not allow my brains to leak. One thing for sure I wish all of us can develop more is graciousness, myself included.
Hi Angels and all in Yunnan,
Relief to hear that all of you are safe.
Smile and enjoy the rest of your trip.
Cheerio
Rene
Hi All
Would like to share this written by a MD for caregivers.
Quote 1
During times of actual crisis, don’t project or worry about the future. Deal with the immediate only. Pick out the closest goal or target. Don’t begin to worry about what will or might occur down the road. Don’t dwell on how traumatic these events are for everyone in the family. This will only increase your anxiety and distress. Pick the next step and place one foot in front of the other; concentrate fully on that. Your worry about the future is a waste of your energy during times of crisis. Furthermore, your predictions may be entirely erroneous.
(May I add that this applies to handling any kind of crisis besides caregiving)
Quote 2
Take care of your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Although we may be focused completely on our loved one’s suffering, we need to be strong in order to be there.
Withdraw yourself mentally from the crisis for short periods, and do not feel guilty. Maintain your nutrition, exercise, and rest. Whether meditation, exercise, or prayer are your personal modes of finding strength, don’t abandon them now.
Remember the universal statements regarding the use of oxygen masks on airplanes: “When flying with children, always place YOUR mask on first.” You have to be strong and conscious in order to help others.
(So true. You must unwind, be it walking in the park, cycling, dancing in order to destress and continue with caregiving)
Quote 3
Acknowledge your emotional distress. It is important to know that you will have moments of deep sadness and hopelessness when you see your loved one suffering, and that is a natural reaction.
(Yes. Do not deny yourself of the pain you are feeling. Say to yourself ‘It hurts me very much to see him/her having to suffer so much’)
Quote 4
Share your worries with others. Don’t try to deny your own pain and frustration. And don’t try to hold it in. It is important to find outlets to ventilate your own distress and tell the truth about what you are going through. Don’t be afraid of frightening off others. Those who care will be there for you.
Quote 5
Know when to let go. When it comes to decisions regarding end of life or continued treatment, be sure to make the judgment based on the best interest of your loved one. Too often there are unnecessary tests, procedures, and surgeries performed on individuals who are in the process of actively dying and who have no realistic hope for recovery. Rather than allow relatives to die peacefully, some people insist that “everything be done.” This causes unnecessary pain and suffering.
Often the motivation is guilt or the inability to let go. In such situations this can be a selfish, rather than a loving act. Know in your heart when it is time to let go.
(Could not agree more.)
End of quotes.
Often caregivers’ mental and physical well-being are overlooked by the caregivers themselves, family and friends or both. It is really important that they have the support they need and deserve.
Hope the above quotes are helpful.
Geradine,
Your quotes are useful in life’s journey. They suggest the approach to take for most situations one encounters in life….do what is best and practical and don’t worry too much about the results.
It is certainly true the ardous task of caregiving is not easy and not everyone is cut out for it.
Hi Geraldine,
The quotes highlighting the concept behind the Carers and the Care Support group are excellent starters for us to develop this project further. With this in mind, and with Mary (Perth)’s pointers on what are the roles of the Carer and Carer’s support group, we are now clearer as to what Ivan Lim has planned for us via the Tsao foundation. Ivan, please try to initiate a date for those interested.
Meantime, something bugs me. At some stage in our lives, we faced situations where we have our parents or family members suffering from disabilities, or incurable sickness. And we have to take care of them. Of course, if we have a maid, it helps. We can put in some money, and this family member can go to an old age home or nursing home. We spend time rushing home to talk or feed them.
In this forum, I read two comments about possible abuse of this project. Can you elaborate? How can this project be an avenue for abuse? By the way, I am using all the above comments to set the ground rules and structure for a SHC Carers and Care Support group. I understand this project won’t interest many people, but I am sure the concerns will affect us at some time of our lives.
Tell us how do you see abuse in the project?
Terence Seah
Hi,Ah Nee #53, Hope Nor, Gingko, Susan and yourself have got over that ordeal. Last time we had that Bangkok airport strike and now this! Hope that high altitude is not affecting you too much, Ah Nee. And at that temperature, what are you going to do with those long johns, haha. Nor, if you stick to that vegetarian diet, you will be slimmer after your holiday! Have fun girls!
Agree with Ivan #57 that I will be good only on ‘behind the scenes’ kind of care. I find it difficult to interact with the elderly, directly. (maybe with practice, I will be able to do it). Once we were down at SGCC for tea-dance and a group of elderly ppl came, some on wheel chairs. Although there were many Carers, a few SHCians got up to lend a helping hand. Ah Nee could interact with them, she held their hands and danced with those who were mobile. Even with repeated coaxing from a SHCian (cannot remember who now), I could not get up from my seat to do the things Ah Nee did. And neither could he!
Hi Ah Nee, Norlinda , Gingko, Susan and others @53,
Despite the Yunnan Earthquake at Dali and the high fatalities we are RELIEVED to hear that ALL of you are safe and sound.
I believe it can be quite scary as this is the 1st.time you encounter an earthquake.
Pray,pray hard no Tsunami at Padang; choy choy.
Hi Lina,
I fully agree with you. It is very difficult to feed someone whom we don’t know well. Imagine when he/she opens her mouth, and we see only a few teeth, it is difficult to get close. Maybe because we don’t know if the person is suffering from TB or some bronchial sickness. Perhaps, easier if the person is the mother or father and we know the state of health of the person. I guess professional advice will give us a better idea and this is where Ivan can come in.
I know Dolly is good with old folks. And I guess many of us would be good with our parents. But all this can be very demanding on the mind and the soul.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Tell you a big big secret! Cannot see myself feeding my parents, or anything in close contact for that matter, though I can just about do everything for them. My maid would help bathe my mum, but I could not do it! This has definitely got to do with my conservative upbringing. The fact that we don’t hug each other or say I love you, like the westerners do! Maybe with a bit of practice I’ll be able to do it.
I am the only Carer amongst the 6 of us (4 most migrated and 1 working in S’pore) so that leaves with only me to look after my parents. Guess I’d better go take lessons from Dolly.
Hi Lina,
When the idea of setting up Carers and Carers Support group, I was not skeptical but not sure how to perceed. I know most children are prepared to look after their parents, you are one of them altho you may not bathe or clean or feed them. I guess I am similar in this respect to you. I will give the best, of course.
But, then parents are different. They are our blood, so caring for them has so much meaning. What about someone we don’t know. As a profession, I envy the nursing carers.
Which brings me back to one or two persons mentioning about abuse of this suggestion, if we can get it set up. Can anyone tell me what is abusive about the idea?
Terence Seah
Dear Nor, Ah Nee, Susan and folks in Yunnan
Very happy to know that all of you are safe. By now, believe you are better in crisis management having experienced the situation in Chiangmai and Yunnan.
Not sure if you are going to Shangrila and visit to Lugu Lake. It is 3400 above sea level. Tried not to take any medication (unless you have to live on it). Because, some can experience an impact (panting). If need be, please get an oxgyen from the shop just in case of emergency at night. From my previous experience in Shangrila, there is insufficient oxygen in the room.
Enjoy the beautiful scenery and if you are lucky enough, you may get to see “Yu Long Suen Sun” (Jade Snowy Mountain).
Have a pleasant and smooth journey home.
Regards
Helen
Hi Terence
The abuse I have in mind is as follows:
Abuse from caregivers
> Carer smacking/touching in an inappropriate manner to a bedridden/not so mobile member. See below for elaboration.
Abuse from caretakers (needing help)
> Takers taking the carers for granted – conveniently treating them like their own personal conceirge and at their beck and call.
> Takers touching carers in an inappropriate manner thinking no one will believe the carers. I know of an old man in his 90s who loves to touch/feel up/brushing against a helper’s breasts. When he is confronted by his family who knows he has this perversion, he goes all righteous and indignant and of course, calling the helper a liar.
Incidents/abuse such as these do happen – human nature, no matter at what age. Still supportive of this idea.
By the way, I also like Abel Tan’s #49 suggestion – having a ‘buddy system’ in paragraph 1.
When my youngest daughter was in Year Six, her school implemented a ‘bus buddy’ scheme. All Year Sixes on the same school bus were paired up with the Year Ones to take care of these new and very young schoolmates. Each day after school, my daughter would wait for her ‘charge’ at a specific spot in school. Together they would board the bus holding hands. So cute and sweet.
Hi Charles Wee
Indeed. The quotes are useful in life’s journey and yes, not everyone is able to carry out the caregiving task.
Take care,
Hi Geraldine,
Very interesting feedback on the possibility of abuse by both caregiver and the one being taken care off. Don’t claim to be naïve about this, but this area of abuse is indeed a valid point.
Any body has any additional feedback on abuse.
As to the buddy concept, we have to develop any idea how to take this forward. Would be glad to hear some ideas too. Abel?
Terence Seah
Hello SHCians,
I read all the above discussions on Carers and Support The Care Givers. Whichever way you have it, the Carer will appreciate your help immensely and even with tears of joy if someone comes forward to offer any kind of help or stay with the sick/disable and let the Caregiver take an hour or 2 of rest.
I was unfortunate to have gone thru those difficult times of having to care for a loved one for a few months. He was in great pain but tried to hold it back from me. He knew that I was very tired, Shacked, and as one ShCian had said, only LOVE and prayers gave me the strength to keep on caring for him.
Unfortunately in our culture,we also practised, “Pantang” and therefore many did not want to visit the sick because the “dying being” supposedly may bring them bad luck.To those who came to visit, I appreciated that break to talk with them.
I don’t blame them for their belief to Pantang nor do I grudge their other practices. I understand that they are bound by their religious beliefs or fear of the sick. When will this train of thought be changed for the 21st century or better?
The SHCians who wish to pursue this Care for the Caregiver Support group, I say that you are Angels in disguise.
One needs alot of understanding and education in this area
of Support and Care for the Carers. The Support Team needs to be emotionally strong and very dedicated. My best wishes go out to the would-be team if you choose to undertake this field of work.
Because of what I had been thru on my own,I am broken, if there is a phrase like this, and cannot have anything to do with caring for the sick anymore.Maybe wouldn’t be so tramatic/drastic if there was support then.
To Lina, I am sure you can feed your mum if you give yourself a chance.Try is your magic word.
1.Try hold her hand when you talk to her and look her in her eyes and smile.
2.Freshen her face with a warm flannel when you come home from work before you feed her water with a straw or slowly feed her a meal. These are little things that you can do for her first. There is always a first time for trying.
Take one little step at a time and you’ll be surprised to see your own progress.
I am sure that your mum can appreciate it if she has the ability to do so.
The above is just my 2 cents worth.
Geok Suan.
Hi Geok Suan
I am sorry to hear that you had an extremely difficult time with no support as a carer and as a result, you are ‘broken’ from the experience.
All is not lost. You are able to suggest to Lina to take little steps toward taking care of her mum – goes to show you still have it in you (the caring part).
Take great care and hope to meet you one day.
Understanding how to be a Care Giver is so important. Usually when someone in the family suffers from a sudden illness and unable to move or walk, the family suddenly is saddled with nursing tasks, which are not familiar to the Carer.
Not that I think my recent surgery was life and death, but I think nurses are a good example of professional carers. Having gone through an abdominal operation, it is not possible to use the stomach muscle after the operation. However, when my sister saw me and she was trying to help me sit up, she pull up hand up, little knowing that this action was causing a lot of pain on my abdominal muscle. Instead, she should have held my head tightly and raised my head up until I reach the sitting position. So, from here, I see some form of training is necessary for all of us before one can be a carer. This is one example, I guess there are many more, and these would include emotional support.
So much has been discussed about Carer and Care support group. Soon, we can have this subject as a separate suggestion to take forward.
Some of you have been pretty quiet. Do you have an idea and suggestion for SHC? Maybe in IT, getting to know one another better, improving members communication or sharing medical issues?
Terence Seah
For those interested, in need, wishing to be a better caregiver or just for the knowledge…..
There is a 2 day workshop on “How to be an Effective Caregiver” in taking care of the elderly.
This is being presented by Hua Mei Training Acedemy/Tsao Foundation. A non-profit organisation. Tel # 6593-9555
Hope this info helpful…………Jie
Hi Terence
With my 2 month “baby” experience/knowledge of SHC & its members, my suggestions will focus on the first steps SHC can take/implement:
MONTHLY MEETING:
1. yes, there need to be introduction done either by “usher of the day” right after registration or later time in a more formal ‘get to know new comer’ slot. (I was quite surprised when asked to mingle around on my own when 1st attended the monthly gathering alone)
2. there needs to be a ‘focus program’ on the day (I was surprised too on the 1st meeting that there’s no program of the day except a small talk on photography for those interested, then on 2nd meeting there’s none at all) so that members go there not just for makan, chit-chat & game but can bring home some added knowledge and fun too
NB:Sekaran #8, before reading your suggestion today, i’ve already have the toastmaster program in mind (but will do it in a fun & easy way first when i’m the EO for the future monthly meeting, so i count on your participation…)
ORGANISED ACTIVITY:
– to include charity drive/visit to The Homes (elderly, orphanage etc) to bring cheers to them as well as to us. SHC can also do some charity bazaar by selling handicrafts, cookies etc made by its members during X’mas or other days
cheers!
To me, “care” is a very curious word cos it depends on which side of “care” one is on.
It’s nice to give care but it’s a bane to receive it for the obvious reason that to do one and not the other, one has to be at the other end of one’s health (some will also add wealth in the equation).
Being a simple man, I take a simple approach. I hope I can give, not wriggling out with the excuse that I aint trained and so not ready.
And when it’s doomed on me to be at the receiving end, I’ll run (if I still can) or otherwise find a way out of my troubles which I feel will become my loved ones’ trouble to bear if I dont run away.
Came from the unknown, there’s no fear returning to the unknown. And who knows, better care providers are there awaiting and they may be life-forms who cant live on if they dont care………..not acting out of love or altruism but they just need to care to live.
Isnt it wonderful then?
Hi Frisna,
The idea behind the monthly gathering is for members to meet other members, as well as new ones. As such, the key objective is usually to meet up. There will not always be an agenda, it depends on the EO.
I guess new members may feel lost coming to the monthly gathering for the first time. Many members will volunteerily offer to help you meet new members. Most times, it starts at the registration table. Unfortunately I think not many members know who is a new member too. This would have to be develop over time. SHC does not have a committee in that sense. We had tried getting volunteers to introduce members to one another, but without too much success.
We do invite members to introduce themselves to write an introduction on the forum, as a member profile. This is a great way to know others and for others to know you the new member.
I dont promise we have an answer to your request, but all efforts will help.
I think a few members have organised visits to homes. Some have even organised charity activities. There is no fixed committee in that sense. Some of the activities. as I see it, have been very successful. Each member is encouraged to be an EO for the duration of his/her membership. As you get to know more people, you are always encouraged to organise any event, including charities and homes and even flee marts. I love flee marts.
Feel free to discuss with the Club manager, if you have an idea.
Terence Seah
Hi Daisy Yeo
In #62, you mentioned “all of us can develop more is graciousness”.
I support the proposal that the topic of Graciousness be discussed with airing of our views, so as to bring about an awareness.
I shall begin by giving some examples of graciousness :
1) At the cash-out at a supermarket :
A lady has a whole load of food in her trolley and she is in front of you at the queue.
You are behind holding one piece of chocolate.
She turns around, smile at you and asked “wld you like to get ahead, I’ve got loads”
– that’s graciousness.
You smiled and replied “thank you but no worries, my partner is still shopping”
– that’s probably graciousness too.
2) At a traffic junction :
You have the right of way but you choosed to stop a car-length before the queue ahead of you, then flag the driver of the car coming in from the left (out of a petrol station), to move into the main road and queue just ahead of you.
– that is graciousness.
Hi Terence
Good to know you are well after your operation. I am having a very cold time here in Canberra.
Its been some time now since I last spoke on the forum and this topic about care-giver is something I would like to share.
Its never easy being a care-giver, especially if after trying so hard and with so much hope in your heart, your love ones die on you.
I never had any formal training on cleaning wounds,changing tubes, cooking for or feeding a sick person. After going to hospital and watching the nurses do it, I picked up the basic knowledge and asked questions when in doubt. I also somehow managed by using common sense.
Someone asked me once why I did not send my husband to the hospice so that someone could take care of him. I said I may not be properly trained to take care of him but I know I will do my best to ensure he is well taken care of and be there for him when he needed me. The one good thing thing that came out of this sad situation is that he died in my arms and not alone on the bed at some hospice.
I cooked “dau iu belly pork” for my mum even though she had high blood pressure, diabetes etc. I remembered her saying “eat also die, dont eat also die, might as well let me enjoy my food while I am still alive”.
I may have given my best to taking care of my mym but I did scream at my mum a few times when the going get tough and to this day, the regret of not holding back my outburst still haunts me. If only I could turn back the clock. I have never forgiven myself and everytime I think about it, I get a stab in my heart even though my mum always think of me as a very good daughter to her. So if anyone who is taking care of your parents, enjoy them while you can.
It can be frustrating and painful. Watching your loved ones groaning in pain and not being able to do anything to alleviate their pain because pain killers do not work for them anymore.
My way of getting rid of all the pent up pain and frustration is to take a drive down the expressway and scream as loud as I can in the car. Stop somewhere and cry my heart out. When I am done, I will go home and do the care-giving again. It may not be the best way but it was the only way I know.
At that time, SHC was not born yet and I did not have many friends I could turn to.
Now, I know I have many friends who would gladly lend me their shoulders to cry on, especially my very good buddy, Dolly who is ever so patient and understanding when I needed her listening ears. And she will be the best person to turn to about taking care of “Seniors”
So Lina, you dont have to feed your parents their food. Just holding their hands, give them a hug as often as you can, cook them their favourite foods and I am sure they will appreciate it very much.
If SHC organises a charity event, I dont mind helping out in cooking or baking if time permits. But to be a care-giver on a regular basis, I dont think I can handle the emotional side of it cos to this day, the pain never died.
Will be off to Sydney tomorrow.
Lisa, hope to be home in time to attend the monthly meeting on 25 July.
Take care everyone and remember to tell your love ones “I Love You”.
With Love from
Caroline Gee
Hi Geok Suan #77, Caroline #85, Thank you both for your kind advice. I know that after the first step, the rest is not that difficult. Caroline enjoy your holiday and take care.
“You smiled and replied “thank you but no worries, my partner is still shopping” – that’s probably graciousness too.”
Probably but looks to me a certainty that a lie was told albeit I buy the justification or rationale for breachong 1 of the 10 commandments.
So, if I were standing behind her on the queue, this is what I will say :
“You smiled and replied “thank you but no worries, and you’re nice to look at and frankly I dont mind queuing again and again behind you”
– that’s probably less than being gracious but that must be the true, honest me assuming all mammoths are extinct by now.
Hehe……………….
Hi Jie #80
Will you be attending the course? The organizer from the Tsao Foundation called me earlier to inform me that if I agree, she will include me in the workshop on “Fundamentals of Caregiving for Older Persons with Dementia”, from 18-19 Aug 2009, 9am-5pm.
Venue: TSAO Foundation 298 Tiong Bahru Road
#15-01/06 Central Plaza
Singapore 168730
She will be processing the $200 grant for me and I need to pay only $12 on the very day. Course fee is $212 per participant.
Some time ago, I’ve sent them the medical history of my mum who is in the advanced stage of dementia. As such, she wants me to share my experiences during the course and I gladly agreed.
Course Outline
1. Orientation to dementia
2. Effective communication
3. Managing difficult behaviors
4. Managing Carer Stress
5. The ABC approach to managing difficult behavior
6. Activities for persons with dementia
I think the course that I’ll be attending may not be applicable to most SHC members right now but pls refer to Jie’s comments at #80 for the 2-day workshop on “How to be an Effective Caregiver”, if interested.
Is nice to share…………
Veronique
Hi Tim,
I must admit you have always been very gracious, giving your feedback on many comments on this website. Very often, you appear so serious in your comments that we have no choice but to approve every comment you made.
Well, how about being less serious and take off your hat, before you start on your new job or before you start bursting your shirt. As you have been a very earlier bird with SilverHairsClub, how about sharing some of your ideas and suggestions for SilverHairsClub? My ears are open.
Terence Seah
Hi everybody..
Thanks so much for all your concern.We are safe & happy here.Now we are at Lijiang,this morning we went to watch the ‘Impression of Lijiang’..It was a wonderful & spectacular performance that should not be missed!
Now we are in a hurry to watch another show..so we’ll continue to chat when we are back,probably after nite shopping again!..alamak bankrupt lah!… :)
Take care from AhNee,Susan,Gingko & the guys
Hi Jie and Veronique,
Very nice of you to share your info from the Tsao foundation. I also hope to see more SHCians participate.
Hi IvanL,
Will you be organising a session for those interested on this topic, with your contact from the Tsao foundation?
Or maybe give us more details.
Terence Seah
Hi All,
Hv bn 2 busy 2 post comments lately as will leaving 4 China wrk trip.
Hi Frisna,
Not dat we dun hv agenda 4 mthly gathering but given tose different timing dat members turned up, it is at times, very diffcult 2 do so. Some might felt left out if missed d designated due to time constraints.
As far as Toastmaster is concerned, I remembered dat Gibson Tan, a pioneer SHC member did even tried organise this but 2 not much success. Nevertheless, pls feel free 2 give it a try again. But suggest dat u do it apart from d mthly gathering as not every1 will be keen 2 attend Toastmaster event.
As far as caregiver/taker program, yeap, Tsao Foundation did approached me on active ageing but sad 2 say dat I did not have d time 2 pursue further due 2 my heavy wrk sch. Glad dat Jie n Veron r persue this again. Many thanks.
Thanks 4 d compliments frm Terence & Caroline, but I must said dat I m no expert in caregivers’ prgm hor.. My advice as far as old folks are concerned, be more patient n love n care must come frm d heart n not frm mouth, then these folks will definitely appreciate us very much – This quote was from my Snr since Day 1 I joined Snr Ctzn volunteer group n I must said dat this have been very useful.
Hi Terence,
Sorry for the silence….have some important work that needs done within tight deadline….I am still rushing/doing it and still have not finished yet but….
Any way, I believe that Tsao Foundation (in collaboration with Hua Mei Training Acedemy) had taken the initiative to contact those SHCians who were last interested to attend the GAB program (Feb2009).
Hua Mei Training Acedemy have a new Program Director (Ms Amy Teo) who is eager to jump-start some of the programs ASAP and to pump up the activities of the said Acedemy. Hence, L.H. Jie at #80 and Veronique Lee at #88 were contacted. I believe the other SHCians on the GAB Program List will also be updated about such programs quite soon if not already done.
WHY THE SILENCE FROM MY SIDE? Dolly had mentioned in her Post #13 on Thread “SHC’s Monthly Meeting on Sat, 25 Jul 09”:
“Sorry that we are unable to commit you for the FFI presentation at our monthly gathering as FFI is considered as external organisation. I had once rejected Tsao Foundation (Active aging) due to same reason for a presentation in our monthly gathering, hence, I had decided to apply standard procedure across the board.”
Due to the above (not Dolly’s fault..it’s just been fair) and although there were plenty of “discussions and write-ups” on this Thread about it, apart from Lim Tian Soo who indicated/put up his hands – Willing To Learn (See Post #11), I dun see any other pairs of hands…interested/up.
So, I thot better KIV this thingy a while till the talkings done and the real work has to commence….. Please do note that TRAINING is just a (small) part of the Care Giver’s journey…..a long and lonely one…..if no Care Support Group/Network exist within SHC…..(plus some fundings from somewhere….)
Have to log off and back to work.
Hi IvanL #93,
Good good you are around. I would also agree we take time to pace this activity out. Besides, I am also getting a better understanding. Without sidestepping the men, I am actually aware many women are already exposed to this area of Care Givers work as a result of looking after their own families and close relatives.
We keep this ongoing and develop the Care group to our needs. Let’s see how Jie and Veronique get on with their program.
Terence Seah
Hi Veronique & Terence,
I think what Hua Mei/Tsao Foundation programmes could be practically a life saver, at the very least, will enable us, the caregivers to do better job than if we just mull along by trial and error.
Veronique…..I am attending the “Effective Caregiver’s Workshop” 31 Aug and 1 Sept. Contact me at my Email address at g3phoenix@yahoo.com , so we can have a little discussion.
Terence….. I am Emailing to you the various workshops for your info. I don’t want to post it here as it may be construed as advertising. On the other hand I think it is good for the members to know what help is available. You may put it up if you think it is beneficial.
Will let you know the effectiveness of the workshop….Jie
Hi Veronique and Jie,
I am curious. May I know why are you participating in this workshop? Just like to know the background if it is not confidential.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Unpleasant topics, but they have to be addressed as we age.
As Veronique wrote, her mother had dementia. And it is good that she is willing to share her experiences at the dementia workshop which I am sure will help others in a similar situation.
I personally am living with a 92 year old mother, and tho’ she is still very mobile and sharp, age is catching up on her and in the past year have become quite frail. I am just fortifying myself by attending the workshop.
As Caroline mentioned it is no picnic being a caregiver and I am sure she would have welcomed any insight and help at the crucial times, a double whammy. Sorry Caroline, if I am speaking out of turn.
Members of SHC are vulnerable, either we are caregivers or in time to come, need caregivers ourselves…..i.e. if any are available.
Which comes to mind the topic of AMD….another different ball of wax altogether.
Have as good a life as possible everyone………Jie
Lina,
We are back to our “siow Siow” selves. We enjoyed ourselves very much the last 3 days (Dali & Lijiang), carrying our mini oxygen tanks up and down the mountains. This afternoon, we are heading back to the earthquake zone,(Kunming) to meet Tian Soo.
Steven, “choy choy” hope it won’t happen again. I have enough nightmares……Ist day upon arriving, “kena” earthquake, 2nd night, same hotel…”kena” blackout, thot I was going through another trauma, nevertheless we stayed alert.
Helen Wong,
Yes, with all the practical drilling at MAS and this real- life ordeal, I am better prepared for similar future crisis.
Thank you Dolly for your help in updating my post during my absence. Looking forward to seeing you all again soon, especially the Social Nite at Kovan CC. :)
Ah Nee
“Very often, you appear so serious in your comments …………how about being less serious………..how about sharing some of your ideas and suggestions for SilverHairsClub? My ears are open.”
Ok, Sengh, I shall not be serious then.
Many like to try things new and they include the brave and the foolish.
Last nite at a k’ok, this guy tried the new song “Monk Tea” (Gazing at the Sky) (oh yes, it was a Hokien song, again) but he got his phonics wrong and so the sensible inquiry “Monk tea eh jai, monk tea eh liao gai” became the horrific “Monkey will know, monkey will understand”.
I do believe monkeys are intelligent but to praise them as smart will only make them go smug.
Back to being serious. On Caregiving, I cant help but to sing my old tune again which bears my cynicism trademark.
This world has so much to live for………innovations that put you in conversation with the world, beauty products to make an ageing babe look younger than a baby, so much of good food to eat, Padang, Yunnan, Mayhongsong so many exotic destinations beckoning, so much one can do with money and what money can do for you.
So this world becomes even more competitive which in turn breeds self-centredness, selfishness, kiasuism and kiasiism.
While deep within us, many still laud the heart to give, to care but when it really comes to action, not many will step forward, esp to give to those who are neither kith nor kin to you. From a safe distance beyond the reach of Capt Cook’s hook or the Good Shepherd’s pole, some will continue to beat their drums and sing the glories of caregiving. Well, at least they dont run away.
So, to me, outside of the immediate family and loved ones, the human spirit usually turns frail and weak when it comes to caring for another. Will one have the will to carry on beyond a week, the patience to walk with the incapacitated for the rest of his life (or your life if it ends earlier)? I don’t know.
Care-giving is a responsibility that once you have taken upon yourself, you should not walk away. We cant do what some pet owners do by abandoning their pets which become less cute, cuddly but look more and more like their owners.
So, I believe that even within SHC, care-giving needs to be institutionalised, meaning a body dedicated to providing care, with the trained and professionals employed by this SHC body. All these need money to fund. So it’s in my long thoughts that someday some SHCian have this money to set up this Care-Body (Sengh cant simply ask us to raise our hands as he does looking for EOs), and there will be sufficient of us to raise the funds to keep it running for as long as the like-minded continue to exist and succeed one another.
At the other end, I find it a big unnecessary bother that another has to care for me if I become terminally ill. So while still lucid and mentally sound, I have told my kid that it’s my duty to bring her up, hopefully have imparted the correct values to her, and that doong well for herself in life is filial piety to me, not caring for me in my old age or when I am sick & useless.
I have my own way out of trouble…………lay a mat on the beach, leave a pair of binoculars and a Playboy magazine on it, swim out to the sea………outer and outer so that you cant be towed back to shore unless a tugboat comes along.
Drowning, misadventure is easier for your loved ones to accept.
I shall close this post in the way I started it, with 3 riddles, all on brand-names.
1. This maker’s electrical appliances sells very well because it keeps “a son” in there. Take it away and all you have is panic………..you might even get a woman with her long hair covering her face walking out of the television if you dare turn it on again.
2. This brand sells underwear, a product understandably has to be skimpy. So if you remove from already so little in there, this brand will certainly become sore as it loses lla.
3. It was said that its first business was in toy sales with free ota given for each purchase. Then one bad day, delivery of its supplies was delayed and so the boss said, why don’t we do our own delivery? And so he started the automobile biz.
Hi Ah Nee,
Can imagine that you can’t possibly stay away from your ‘siow siow’ selves for long. But why have you got to carry that oxygen tank? When I was there we did not have any oxygen tank – just lots of fresh air! Is that little ‘all dressed up’ monkey still performing tricks at Dali or Lijiang? (can’t remember which). Send my regards to the rest of the ‘angels’. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and have a safe trip home.
Thanks Lina. And see you soon.
Jie, thanks. I suppose anyone who has been a care-giver or is presently a care-giver will understand that its no picnic for us.
However, anyone who is put into this situation will somehow try to do the best he/she can, especially for their love ones. Yes, I would have welcomed any form of help. Also, it would have been very helpful if I had some knowledge on care-giving and how to handle it, the practical and emotional aspect of things.
Carry on with the good job of taking great care of your mum.
Cheers
Caroline Gee
Tim baby
‘Last nite at a k’ok, this guy tried the new song “Monk Tea” (Gazing at the Sky) (oh yes, it was a Hokien song, again) but he got his phonics wrong and so the sensible inquiry “Monk tea eh jai, monk tea eh liao gai” became the horrific “Monkey will know, monkey will understand”.
Wakakakaaa………..
Do me a favour. I have a few requests when you next go to cheong K, though I am not there. My requests:
* Ai piah (the strive song, hokien) which I love.
* Ni zhi tao woh zai teng ni ma?
* Tung Hwa
* Sing tai ran
* Woh shi pu shi ni jeh ai da ren
* Meng sing she feng
* Rang woh huan si rang woh yuo
Keep me posted and happy singing……….
Glad that I log in one last time tonite before I kiss kid gd nite to go back & prepare myself for a new challenge 2mrow, and so got to read you.
That was one of my longest posts and all you had to tell me, assumong you hv digested them all, was that wakakakaaaaa………….?
Have had a great 2 week break – taking short holidays, going nitely k’oks – and this frolic will probably stop for the next 6 mths or so. Nevertheless, will try to do the songs you wished ,e to but……….
* Ai piah. Perhaps, one of the few more challenging Hokien songs sung regularly. Have not sung it myself before but will do it for you even if my atrocious phonics might cause MJ to rise and snatch the mic from me to sing it better.
* Ni zhi tao woh zai teng ni ma? Sure, I know………..and i too.
* Tung Hwa. Perhaps not this one. Wd you mind if I choose her cousin Tung Kua from Melontown to sing instead?
* Sing tai ran. Ran or ruan? If it’s ruan, that’s my kind of heart so no problem saying it in a song.
* Woh shi pu shi ni jeh ai da ren. Ni dang ran shi mah, hai yong wen?
* Meng sing she feng. Not sure what this is.
* Rang woh huan si rang woh yuo. Huan si, yes but wont let you yew.
Got to run now. If you like to know, my email is tnotswit@hotmail.com or +65WMMWJP_A.
Hey Tim baby
Glad you read this before going off.
Of course I’ve digested your longest post and the wakakaka is right now, tonight. Will talk about the rest another time (dissection – be warned).
Great that you have had a nice break before the next challenge/madness. I may go back end July/Aug as my baby princess is having her summer holidays and just the other day she asked if we could go back to visit her relatives (so cute and endearing). My eldest princess is chilling out since May – waiting to go to university (wherever/whatever).
Do the Ai piah regardless……….if the MJ snatched, let me know and I will personally go there to snatch something of his – a promise.
Nice…….woh dang rang zhi tao.
Who the fook is the cousin?
Yes, ruan. My bad. Tried my pinyin and you corrected me.
Yes, pou yong wen.
Ah. It’s the Taiwanese female singer – really good. Dream-wake-ten-minutes? It’s the best I can do.
Awwww……baby. Is that a promise?
Finally, again, what the fook is +65WMMWJP_A??!!
Tim
Got all the numbers except _.
Tim B
Mine is +852-WMAT-ATWD. This is so US………still with respect to SHC regulations.
Hello Tim B
Again, my bad. Correction. WMAD-ATWD.
Hi Tim
#87 Haha Good one.
#99 The Social Fabric is not ready for a Caring Society. Fair evaluation thro a pity .
HC
Hi Frisna Tan,
# 81 I do agree with your points.
There is a need to have some participation or program for our members for at least for the first half or so. Although, being a new SHC member for 7 months, I manage to attend 3 monthly gatherings. What I did during the 3 gatherings was greetings, shaking hands, introductions and continue with my drinks. Reason for not attending all the monthly gathering is that I am still in the work force. Now it is more difficult to attend as I am on a 12 hrs shift (due to H1N1). However, if I am on off shift duty, I will definitely come down for all the monthly gatherings.
As an EO, hope that you can kick off with some activities for the next gatherings. All the best and hope I can make it too.
Still calling for fresh ideas and suggestions for SHC. If there is something in your mind, share with us. We had a mention about flea markets. Heard the one at Changi is about to close due to space issues. Any body like to do a one-time garage sale at the house, before the new year arrives. We can bring our things. Just got to make sure your place is big enough. An a good time to clear your store room and old clothes.
Still got enough energy to purse this topic until end August.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Hope you are doing fine after your op.
I am here to share a little thought after reading this post.
Life changes come at us in a daily basis in our old age, we may end up at a strange place like old folk’s home or hospice, the people we don’t know care for our daily routine from touching us in our very personal places to shoving us with lots of pills without much explanations why we should take those pills or what effects on us. So, I think old age is an event that for which we must train ourselves.
I have not had first-hand experience with old age, but I think the more emotionally agile I am when I get old, the better prepared I will be to deal with the challenges. And I’ll hope for a very kind and gentle caregiver/daughter.
Caring for a person who is disabled, with incurable disease, with Alzheimer can be very challenging and overwhelming and difficult task. Each day for the caregiver is a challenge; the caregiver has to cope with different level behavioral changes of the person that she/he is taking care of. The caregivers themselves are at very high risk for depression and illness, therefore, they need to have adequate support from the community, friends and family.
The biggest struggles caregivers face is dealing with difficult behavior of the person that he/she is caring, it may be basic daily routines and activities like bathing, dressing, feeding, toileting etc, and the caregivers should be trained to use strategies for dealing with a difficult behavior and stressful situations. You have to prepare yourself if you want to become a caregiver and when you need to become one, you need also to be prepared.
1.) Caregivers should find out from doctors what treatment might work best or address behavior problems.
2.) Contact organizations for information of how to manage difficult situations and how to problem solve.
3.) Find support group where you can share your feelings, concern and emotion as the support group very often have helpful ideas and information, they may have their own experiences that can share.
4.) Observe, study and assess what is best for the person you care and yourself, plan for the future in terms of financial, insurance policy etc.
Spend as much time as possible with our loved ones especially our parents, a friend told me that she has been neglecting her mum when she was spending too much time own her own needs rather spending time with her mum for as little as a meal and that her mum has passed away last year and she has been very regretted.
Our parents brought us to this world and spend very much painstaking to bring us up to become adults, imagine the time, the sufferings, the pain that they were facing during our life journey, in return, we should respect and appreciate to what they have done for us, so, in my point of view, we should take care of them when they are old.
I have a very filial youngest brother who is great, he gave up his cyber café business and came home to take care of my aged parents who are in their 80’s, my parents are still able to move around in their plantations, consider healthy compare to their age, but, isn’t it spending time with them when they are still healthy is more meaningful, this could be an opportunity to study and learn about them.
I am thinking to retire soon to go back to my hometown to spend time with my parents, too.
Just for sharing,2 cents worth.
Hi RonaldW,
It’s an excellent initiative on your part to offer to play some soothing guitar music during a SHC gathering. I also think it is a good idea, and would encourage more SHCians to come forward with such offers. Members with such talents, plse speak with the EO to see if it is appropriate to the occasion. We will appreciate it.
RonW, thanks a lot for this idea.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
Silverhairs Club has to this day cater to the single and couple in the various events and activities. There is a need that I felt in our midst. Would it be a good idea to have a Family Day where parents and single parents are allowed to bring their children to join in.
This may work only in certain events like going on a cruise or having a picnic. i hope to hear from those parents concerned whether this is a good idea. The single parents are mostly the one we are targeting.
Dan
Hi Dan,
First, let me start by saying I think a Family Day is an excellent idea, where SHCians can bring their children along to the event. It’s a good opportunity where children can also meet one another.
However, we have set a very strict rule that SilverHairsClub is for SHC members only. This rule will continue to be maintained. All EOs know this requirement for SHC events.
Without sounding too rigid, a SHC Family day would simply have to be pre-discussed and agreed between the EO and the Club Manager, Dolly Lim.
Essentially, the event should fulfil the club’s objective and reach out to at least 100 SHCian families.
Thanks for this great idea.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence,
I got to know about SHC in year 2005 when the marine parade CC used to email me their news bulletin with writeups about you n SHC and i wonder if they and other CCs still continue to do so?
Many member have written about introduction of new members in MG but i wonder about the recruitment of new members. I believe injections of new members some of which will lead n others just to participate/support the many events in SHC are both equally important for the continuity of the club.
I know of many people who dont surf the internet for leisure but checkup the ST Life!Events page on friday. Listing on the page is free..email..stlife@sph.com.sg
PRIME magazine which cater to readers above 45yrs is another venue for writeups/listings.
Thank you
helen
Hi HelenK #115,
In the past few years, SilverHairsClub does not promote itself through CCs or any other organisation. Many new seniors over the age of 45 join SilverHairsClub through word of mouth and member’s recommendation. SilverHairsClub is virtually structureless, nor does it have a committee or management. There is no membership fee and activities are created by any member with the energy to pursue friendship among SilverHairs as a key objective.
We also welcome the media to highlight what SilverHairs are doing, and if members have contacts with Life or Prime, they are most welcome to submit articles to them. As a principle, we leave this to members’ initiatives.
As long as we stay out of politics, sex, race, religion, direct selling and MLM, you are welcome to create any activity for SilverHairs.
Terence Seah
Two months ago, we started a drive to get fresh ideas and suggestions for SHC. It’s now end August, and I like to summarise these thoughts.
1. Compiling SHC activities into one CD – James Tan
2. Establishment of a clubhouse – Abel Tan
3. A structured committee for each activity – Dan Huang, Jacqueline Han
4. Taking stock of inactive members – Sekaran
5. Introducing the new members at monthly gatherings – Tian Soo
6. Relook into the 3-mth retirement living concept – Sekaran
7. Identifying Cordinated Care and Support group – Hou Chong
8. Rent a Husband or a wife – Hou Chong
9. Starting an investor club – Ben Foo
10. Exchanging services, for services – Jassmine Teo
11. Organising Charity drives – Frisna Tan
12. Have a family day where parents and kids can join in – Dan Huang
13. Thinking aloud about recruitment of new members – Helen Kwek
It would be difficult to manage the topics all at the same time. However, if you can take one topic and lead in forum discussion, we can cover the issues better.
Terence Seah
Just while we are on the subject of new ideas and suggestions for SHC, there is one issue which crops up regularly and sometimes generates friction and unhappiness among members. This is about advertising and promotion of external organisations and persons outside SHC.
The SHC forum is free to use for all SHCians. Members do not have to pay to use it. And, it will continue to be so. It’s objective is to provide a platform for members to meet new and more friends. Activities are a great way for SHCians to meet new friends.
Using the SilverHairsClub.com forum to advertise services or products for external organisations or persons is not permitted. Some members feel they have the right to advertise or that it is only fair to do so because they believe the promotion or marketing of the information is for the benefit of SHcians, and that no benefit has been transacted.
However, if a Post or a comment is about organising an activity, and that the person is the EO or Event Coordinator, a mention of the external organisation is permitted. This difference clearly distinguishes between an advertisement and an activity.
Posts or comments where the author is not involved are clear advertisements. If a SHCian is not sure if the Post/comment is permitted, please refer to the Club Manager Dolly Lim or Website Administrator Yew Kwong.
While this website may be a free for all members, please use it with the intention of providing a platform for SilverHairs to meet new friends.
If you have an idea or suggestion on this issue, please feel free to share it so that we can review it.
Terence Seah
Hi All,
Just thinking aloud…
While most of you are going through all the nuts and bolts to realize the full potential of this club, may I suggest a possible re-branding of the club’s image starting with the name.
Though apt in sounding out to people in an instant – a depiction of the age group of the members within so that they can associate themselves and join, it does not however say anything else but an otherwise reminder of our ever crumbling state of being. It makes us not far from the likes of WhereIsMyWalker.com, CreakingAndAboutToCroak.com, HasAnybodySeenMyTeeth.com.
I did a brief survey with friends and folks in general and the common reaction is a scoff at being associated with something so geriatric sounding without even bothering to look into the possibilities within, that the club has to offer.
This is sad as I feel that this club is great with what it has achieved so far and has possibilities for a lot more to come. You may say that it is a rather superficial aspect but realistically, most people are vain about their age, the aging process and the association with it.
As with all forms of marketing – attracting an increase in membership in this case, it all begins with the label.
So here’s the pitch for something that is in the same vane (pardon the pun) with regards to the era we are from and as a mainstream term for any of our online foreign friends to grasp in an instant. It is also depictive of the time where post war sentiments lead to a sense of renewal, hope and a rebuilding of lives.
A joyful reflection for us too as children on the simpler times we had with less distractions – whereby a simple game of Hopscotch, Chatek, Goli and Five Stones will give your body a nice little workout and enhance your finger dexterity without the need of gym memberships and “lawah” laptops. It is also an exciting era of fads, fashion and music plus no restraint on procreation. Hence, I would like to suggest a new name of:
BABY BOOMERS CLUB
It sounds a bit more encompassing and terminology-wise, it is depictive of our period and age group. But if this club is so successful as to continue into the next era of non baby boomers, this name will still serve its purpose if only historically of those who started it.
Also when we are out in the field and have to search and gather our members – shouting B.B. Club is easier on our vocals than S.H.C. Try shouting a few times and you will know what I mean. I have been a freelance researcher for so long not to notice and wonder about such things though it may seem inane to some.
If you want to know more, here’s a Wikipedia definition:
“Baby Boomer is a term used to describe a person who was born during the demographic Post-World War II baby boom. The term “baby boomer” is sometimes used in a cultural context, and sometimes used to describe someone who was born during the post-WWII baby boom. Therefore, it is impossible to achieve broad consensus of a precise definition, even within a given territory. Different groups, organizations, individuals, and scholars may have widely varying opinions on what constitutes a baby boomer, both technically and culturally. Ascribing universal attributes to a broad generation is difficult, and some observers believe that it is inherently impossible. Nonetheless, many people have attempted to determine the broad cultural similarities and historical impact of the generation, and thus the term has gained widespread popular usage.”
On OUR SLOGAN, here are some suggestions:
1) “Been there, done that, and doing it again” – on living life to the fullest
2) “We are over the hill, now show me the mountain!” – of having conquered past challenges and moving to greater heights of achievement.
3) “Gone the extra mile, and they have to go Metric” – lauding our past efforts and taking a little dig at ourselves on our willingness to accept change.
OUR LOGO can be the club name itself emblazoned in bold psychedelic coloured fonts (think Woodstock as my inner hippie is calling out) and at the top right-hand corner is a small little kite gliding upwards with a colourful tail.
The colours represent our optimism for the future and the kite is a reflection of our humble past.
That is all.
(((Joy to the World)))
Madeline, i had the same response from many friends too. Silverhairs conjures too rickety an image.
Your slogans #2 is really challenging , still not too old to climb towards an even higher goal. Many of us may not have that much fire left in our belly.
Hi Charles,
This is just a rough draft subject to discussions if anyone is up to it.
On advertising and marketing, slogans and taglines tend to be punchy and a little over-the-top in order to stay memorable. But my perferred one remains #1 as it constitutes a good rah-rah yell as well, should other baby boomer clubs spring out from other countries and we are at these interclub tournaments cheering on our member participants. If you don’t mind, I always think far ahead.
As the world is facing a greying population, it is only a matter of time to assume other baby boomer clubs will be sprouting out soon.
This is why I quickly presented it so as to “chope” the name before it becomes an offshoot of some other organisation to draw folks from the same age group for other activities like a travel company would for instance.
(((Off and Away)))
Mad
Hi Madeline #119,
it’s nice of you to have given some serious thought into a new club name and slogan.
Unofficially, SilverHairsclub started in Singapore in Oct 2005. The idea was conceived approx one year before. The name SilverHairsClub was chosen, through some tikam tickam exercise; basically it was picked up from the air. an URL domain name was then chosen, and everything else fell in place. The co-founders were happy with the name; and todate, the membership numbers have been impressive, increasing by the day. The logo was designed with a simple paint program and a mouse. That’s the reason why you see jagged and unclear hair lines.
I dont think SHC is a very organised organisation; in fact, I have always supported the idea of some disorganisation in the way we go about meeting the club’s single most important objective which is to provide a platform for SilverHairs to meet new and more friends. I believe this encourages creativity in our activities for SilverHairs. Every activity evolves around the club and that is SilverHairsClub.com. And, any body can easily join as a SilverHairsClub member, must be over 45, and must abide by the club’s taboos of no politics, race, sex, religion, direct selling and MLM. There is no fee to join. Unfortunately, the club does not accept applicants who do not accept its rules.
Any SHCian can easily organise an activity for all members. We dont have a management committee to go about handling all the details. If it works, and the EO can handle the work, fine.
I think members have their views about the club’s name, the logo and the slogan. While I have learnt to love the name of SilverHairsClub, SHCian, SHC and SilverHairs and the logo and the slogan, I am receptive to new ideas and changes. Thinking aloud again, I have been reminded that there is no plural “hairs”. The name has been running for 4 years.
One of the concerns with giving a new name and a new image to a club is research, marketing and acceptance. Your suggestion was discussed some time ago, but I guess it did not materialise because of the high cost of research, marketing and implementation. I guess if all these steps are taken, the name, etc, etc can be changed. I am open to new ideas, and if someone like you can take the lead, I would be prepared to look at a change in a year or two. Obviously, the changes must be accepted by the general membership.
So, Madeline or any SHCian, if you like to take up this challenge, let’s us know.
Terence Seah