28 thoughts on “Who is going to take care of you when you are OLD and FEEBLE?”

  1. As for me, I am rather skeptical about my son will take care of me when I am OLD and helpless. My son is so used to communicate with me in a rush manner just before he retired to bed every night, so how to tell him that I am coughing and having a flu. He practically has no time for me, already feels it now. So sad…..dare not to think who is going to take care of me when I am growing OLD, not anymore now……… :(

    Ah Nee

  2. AhNee…
    Aiyo…so kesian..I will take care of you..hehe…I mean we hold hands together..dont be sad lor…we all give handkerchief..hhmm :)

    Alamak..don worry too much la..live now happily..you’ll never know what happen next..just pray for the best..Im sure all of us will live well.

  3. Ah Nee,

    Don’t worry lah. You still have a son but hor don’t leave too much money for him since he is young and capable…else, you know what will happen??? Think again.
    Keep some for retirement and perhaps book yourself an old folk’s home when the time comes, ie : if he doesn’t take care of you….hmm…better start thinking hard now. :)

    Suzhang

  4. Hey Ah Nee,

    Dont feel sad but surround yourself with lots of friends.
    There are friends for different activities and totally eradicate the ones who bring you nothing but gossip and superficiality.

    I can envisage myself to be in the same position when my son grows older but sigh…..I guess this is inevitable. So continue with your dancing, girly tete-a-tetes and even mahjong (to prevent onset of dementia?) that you will find yourself with many activities and too little time haha.

    Meanwhile take refuge that you still have your work to occupy yourself from Mondays to fridays, right?

  5. Dear Ah Nee,

    Dun think too far lah, just take it one day at a time,
    “dun worry, be happy”,
    most important is take care of your own health, no body can do that accept yourself, all the money in the world also cannot buy your health back you know, so think positive, play hard now and do the things you want to do “just do it”

    Hey! how about a “SHC Old Folks Home”, only for members..

  6. Hello Ah Nee Nee,

    Old age is the golden years of reflection. Save enough and have a comfortable nest-egg to care for yourself. If you are ill and feeble, well too bad! The old folks home is a choice when your children are not willing to care for you.

    Time has changed. Family cohesion is a by product of our forebears. A new era of khek lingo “key kay koo key kay” (self-care and reliance).

    So, Ah Nee Nee, save save save and enjoy your retirement with optimism and engage in charity work if you can.

    Stay healthy and if you need to invest, do it wisely. You will see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But do not let the pot topple over lah !

    Eileen Thean is building an old folks home of SHCians. Good Samaritan !

    LeePatrick

  7. Hi Nee,

    You have done well in bringing up a capable son. He may be just too tired after a hard day’s work and these days, working life is really stressful. Maybe, he thinks you are strong and independant and didn’t need his attention so much. Voice your concern when he happened to have some time with you.
    Surely, when the need arises, he will do his part for you too.
    Anyway, you can’t worry too much. Just make sure you hang on to your hard-earned money and good friends too.

  8. Eileen@5

    That name sound so old!apa macam?..we want to be young at heart..so we can give a glamour name as ‘SHC Paradise Lodge’..how’s that?..very catchy,vibrant and more fun! rite?

    We can run the place voluntarily..if by then we are weak & helpless(ooppss!)..and all alone,the younger member can help us?
    Alamak..sound ‘susah’!…hehe :)

  9. Ah Nee

    Dont think about it too much.

    I used to think to myself. I have three grown up daughters and they are always busy with their own things so I always think like you. Now already dont care, when grow old and feeble how?

    I used to wallow in self-pity and go into depression.

    Then a couple of months back, I fell quite ill. My second and youngest daughters who are still living with me, took me to the hospital and waited with me at the A&E dept. While I was under observation, sleeping on the comfortable bed, they were outside on the cold hard bench. Coming in to check on me every now and then. They waited for five hours before I was allowed home.

    Altogether, I went to the A&E for a few nights in a row and they waited patiently for me. When at home, my second one sponged me to bring down the fever, taking my temperature every hour while my youngest cooked porridge (and she has never cooked porridge before)for me. My eldest one in Sydney will call often to check on me.

    Then I realised how much my children cared for me.

    So like Oi Cheng said, I believe your son will show that he cares and love you when the situation calls for it.

    Nor sayang, if we all grow old together, who is going to take care of who hah? Hold each other’s hand? Sekali one fall down, all will go down together in a pile heeee!

    I was tell myself that when I clean my own a…, its time for me to go.

    Cheer Up
    Carly

  10. Norlinda, Suzhang, Cat Y, Eileen T, Pat L and Oi Cheng, thank you for your few words of consolation. Seriously, I am not in favour of old age home, I like to be with my family when I grow OLD…….

    On second thought, I better starts planning for myself first instead of giving him the BEST of everything…..

    Norlinda, very susah hor, this is one of the serious problem happening now, children reluctant to take care of ageing parent. :(

    Ah Nee

  11. Carly,

    I envy your 3 loving and caring daughters. By nature, daughters are more caring than son. On a few occasion, my son called me up to buy dinner for me and I told him I wanted my favourite “Bak Cho” mee, but I always never get to eat it. Reason being he will not Q to buy that for me, he only buy from the stall which has no Q, and you know lah, I don’t enjoy my food. Sigh……..

    Ah Nee

  12. #5 Eileen,

    Your suggestion of a SHC Old Folks’ Home is worthy of consideration. Not all SHC members are married/have kids and/or a spouse to rely on when they are ‘over the hill’.
    In fact, depending on children/spouse may turn out to be disappointing if they fail to do so.

    If we are healthy, agile and are actively involved in social events, maybe we might get some pocket money from our offsprings/spouse as giving money seems to be considered suffice filial piety expression.

    If we fall ill, become bedridden, suffer from dementia or some other chronic diseases then we’ll be totally dependent on our loved ones for not just financial assistance but physical care.

    In and around my neighbourhood (it’s an old estate), I see lonely old people sitting by themselves at the void deck doing nothing but stare into empty space. They are either illiterate,inherently withdrawn or simply lack the will to make friends.

    Of course there are old people who have the love and care of their family members but I dread this ideal end years life for our generation might peter out as our children are either too busy with their careers, their own family needs and/or their circle of friends.

    Living in an old folks’ home is not the end of the world IF we have the companionship of friends around us.

    Ros

  13. Many older folks have resigned to the idea of selling their house etc and then move into a retirement village, to live out their remaining life once their fruitful and active years are coming to an end. At the retirement village, they life is a simple one, often alone and sharing time with their new found friends. Every once in a while, one will leave without bidding farewell. This is a gracious life of contributing to society during their productive years and at the same time, avoid imposing on others during their graceful years. We have to know this as a reality in a developed society, to realise that we are very fortunate to be able to live in our present circumstances and to expect that we may succumb to this lifestyle if we don’t have anyone but ourselves to depend on during our old age.
    Personally, I hope that when my time comes, I will not have to go to the retirement village but stay with and under the care of my close relatives. Ideally, my close friends are also staying close-by so as to be able to spend time sharing lots of complains eg about which part is pain, which part is not, and helping each other remember our very own name…haha.
    HC

  14. #14 Hou Chong
    A tinge of sadness and longing in HC’s post.

    Birth, old age, sickness and death are here to stay for everyone of us. As our demographic pattern of family changes to become smaller, we will face the dilemma of solitude in old age. Our grandparents and parents were luckier to have bigger family nucleus and the cohesiveness
    of family. The era had changed.

    Solitude can be bliss. Happiness in self in old age, is a mental awareness of positive thoughts.

    Whether we are staying in a retirement home or with our immediate family members, if our general self is not at peace with our existence, we may be surrounded by many people but we remained lost in the deep blue sea.

    Personally, I believe in charting our own life destiny in harmony with everything on earth. With family members, with strangers, with friends and most importantly with our dignity and disposition.

    Happiness is within us. We embrace any little warm we can receive but generate a greater summer for others to move on. We must love ourselves to radiate love upon people.

    Last but not least, as someone said “Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all the sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end”.

    Old age is not the end all. It is the beginning. Stay healthy and connected. Thank you.

    LeePat

  15. Hello Ah Nee, Suzhang, Caroline & Norlinda,

    I boleh join you all hold hands as we grow old graciously. Imagine we all bok gay and so cute looking…maybe fishing together at the jetty…looking forward to this day.

    As silverhairs, we have learnt to embrace all the good and bad – these are gifts in life so just fill your hearts with the recipe of happiness and gratitude. Continue to love your family and friends deeply. I love to sit in my garden and look at the butterflies and the bees…life is wonderful.

    Hello Hou Chong,

    Which part is pain now? I apply some miang kia yu for you…hee

    With love from Perth
    Mary Lee

  16. Dear Ah Nee

    Thanks for your compliments. Have never asked my girls to buy things from long Qs so maybe they wont Q for me also. No meepok, eat Tung Lok lah rite? Enjoy. I am a worry wart but I have learnt to let go a bit. Still worry but less now and hopefully, will be able to “kua pua” and not worry too much.

    Think of the fun we are going to have at Batam :)

    Dear Mary

    Yes, i can imagine. Luckily, bo gay also can eat fish. Fishing sounds exciting. Bring our deck chair,picnic basket and kopi/teh.
    Throw the line and relax and makan and wait for the bell on the rod to ring. Then we steam the fish and got balance fresh fish, Mary can make her keropok.

    I think Mary, Sue, Ah Nee,Nor and I can hold hands and when I am giddy, remember to catch me.

    Cheers
    Carly

  17. Ah Nee

    Your son sounds like a normal, healthy, independent young man. You should be proud of him. What you don’t want is a son who mothers you and hold on to your apron waiting for your CPF money. The test is at times of crises, whether he stands up to his responsibilities….queueing up for your favourite Mee Pok is not important.

    When I am old an feeble, I would like to be among other old and feeble people repeating old stories and sleeping on my wheelchair whenever I feel like it.
    The best is not to be old and feeble. Go to hell early when I still have the energy to join all the other ‘fun’ people there. Heaven is boring, just floating on a cloud, wearing white nighty and a fluorescent light ring over your head.

  18. I suspect that 90% of SilverHairsClub members are active, working and financially soound. Maybe 10% are really retired and have decided to let go of a fulltime job. I think I still belong to the 90%.

    To be honest, I am always worried what will happen when I am old and feeble. And, Ah Nee, you hit the issue right on. Problem is I dont know what I will kick the bucket; but if I know, I think I will settle for a big retirement house amongst friends, and maybe move from country to country. What Hou Chong said is real, maybe frighterning. But, if I am beginning to feel feeble, I shall make sure I have a standby maid, or go to the country nursing home. Hoping to stare at the seas the whole morning, the TV the whole afternoon and playing carom the whole night.

    I also guess it will be good to attach an alarm to my hand, so that when I press it, another fellow SilverHair will respond. Why am I here?

    Terence Seah

  19. Terence #19

    Everyone will meet our creator come the day. How we aged, is how we live our daily life. A good balanced of lifestyle
    and healthy food will help and also sufficient amount of exercise, be it just walking.

    When I visited those old folks homes, my emotional disposition goes with them. The realities of our silver years – feeble, sick, isolated and worst of all, no family members’ visit. Like you said blank stared at the sea in the morning, TV and carrom and a maid in attendance. That will be life after all.

    My 93 year old mum is living this life now but she is blessed to be living at my sister’s home and we still surround her on weekends and occasions of celebration like birthdays,etc.

    I believe wherever we are, we must not regret our silver old age years. We just let nature take it course. The course and effect of life. The karmic effect. We thank that we have lived and Death is the leveller of everything -famous or unknown.

    LeePatrick

  20. MaryL@16..
    Tak mau bogey la..tak cantek!We all must make sure we have nice set..if not,go see the dentist to fix hee
    What’s that ‘miang kia yu’?..is it an oitment?..it almost
    sound like ‘miang kayu’ in Malay means..itchy wood!..haha..ooppss…sori HouChong :)

    TianSoo@18..
    Who wants to be old & senile?..Aiyo, cant imagine!
    Hopefully we all age graciously,still active & able to jalan2 & fly everywhere free as a bird!..when time is up,sleep soundly & no need to wake up… very peaceful..hhmmm
    Thats why when i wake up every morning, I thank God for giving me another lease of life :)

    Terence@19..
    No need to think so much..you still at your prime age, sudah quit drinking..surely look & feels 10 yrs younger!…& happier!..haha

    Alamak AhNee…
    All your pasal la…i din realise im growing old until now le..apa macam!
    ok la..stop whining…i blanja Yummy yougurt this Friday to sooth your sorrow..hehe

  21. Dear Mary #16, yes, of course we can hold hands provided we all dont fall together….haha…but I was laughing when you said “all bok gay and so cute looking”….hope we dont come to that stage,…hehe..

    Ah Nee, I like Ivan’s idea. We all can book a cruise and stay onboard a nice big liner for a month or two instead of old folk’s home. Lodging & meals all settled. We can watch sunrise & sunset each day, have our 5 meals onboard and there will be also lots of other activities to keep you occupied. Then, you don’t have to worry about tidying up the place becos there will be chambermaid around..haha..

  22. Dear all,

    Death is unavoidable for all of us. Many people consider this a taboo subject but being prepared without being too obsessed about this eventuality, helps us live the rest of our days meaningfully.

    Look, if we know for a fact that time is slipping by for us ‘over the hillers’, we ought to make full use of our golden years to do what we want to do. Travel more, take up the hobbies we’ve always wanted to pursue, volunteer our time to charity organisations, spend more time with family and friends, etc…..

    Not all of us will grow old and feeble. We really do not know how and when we’ll leave this world (can be today or tomorrow.

    Cheer up Ah Nee!

    Ros

  23. Hi Sue, Nor, Caroline, Ah Nee,

    Ya, we go catch worms for fishing and pick clams.

    No cruise for me, I prefer retirement village – got facilities for bowling, swimming, gardening…and if you fall down in the toilet, just press a button and the ambulance comes running to your door.

    Mary Lee (Perth)

  24. Hi Mary #24,
    So RV is a full facilities resort afterall, wonderful. Now we know why it is written ” Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true” – from the “wizard of oz.” There is no place like home. No cruise for me too..hehe.
    HC

  25. Caroline #9
    I always read your comments carefully for your humour and wisdom. This comment happen to be on my screen just now and I re-read it again. Your last sentence
    “I was tell myself that when I clean my own a…, its time for me to go.”
    In don’t think anyone is cleaning your s… for you now, so you must have meant “when I CANNOT clean my own a…”.
    I’ll try to insert this corrected phrase in my will.

  26. Dear Tian Soo

    Glad you read my postings and I assume you enjoy them.

    I realised my mistake after I click to submit. Almost time to knock off from work so…..

    Please see #11 cos there definitely is nobody cleaning my sh..
    Its funny if go uncorrected.

    I enjoy reading your postings which have humour, wit and sometimes spicy and naughty all at the same time.

    Cheers and have a great weekend
    Caroline

  27. Hi Sue, Ah Nee Caroline and friends

    Dont think so much lah, enjoy while you have the strength, eat what you like and travel to where you like when you can walk and run.
    When you come to the bridge than think how to cross it.
    Worry will not help but if it is that bad than at least you can look back and say you have enjoy your time and not waste it.
    I am sure all of us including Norlinda and all is enjoying our life right now.
    You know nowadays if i happen to see someone on a wheelchair or walking with a limp i will thank God for my wholeness in good health and strength.
    When we see such conditions of others we have to tell ourself to enjoy our good health and am still ‘young’ to do what you like. Thanks Caroline#9 for your cute joke, i really have a good laugh. All of you so funny and real jokers, cant help it for not responding my thoughts.

    Gwen

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