I guess many of you have big kids, and some have probably got married and living separate from the parents. But my son is small, 8. So, I want to be prepared.
Last few days, I spend some time with friends, and they were complaining about a problem which will concern me too, if not now but later. And that is their kids are spending too much time with computer games. This seem to be a runnaway problem with the new generation.
Our older days may not have the luxury of computer games and television. I have heard of tricks like "giving a time quota", "incentives to go outdoors", "punishment like no TV or computer for one week", etc. All these adds to the frustration of being the parent.
Can you share with me and us how you manage this problem? And, if you have other headaches, please write in, and others may be able to share their solutions with you. The "Reflections" category is about right.
Terence Seah
Hi Terence
Gone are the days that kids will kuei, kuei listen to us….Ask any parents with kids nowadays… most will tell you they face the same problem and headache…heizzz what to do…in this new era, our kids no longer play games like chaptek, goli or 5 stones.. those were our days. :)
My son was once so addicted in his Warcraft games, he rather starve and saved up his pocket monies to get those game lor.
Terence, pray hard your son don’t get influence….
Cheers,
Susan
Ren ji chu, xin ben san. So, we’re born good. And so the saying goes.
My gal – aged 10 – saw too many fights btwn her parents and so she strived to be even better, convinced that if she’s very very good, her parents wont fight.
So, she has to begin life with a difficult childhood. So, I see it as a bigger challenge that I shd guide her properly, but no guidance is close to completeness unless time is spent with the kid….time filled with love and devotion.
So, thankfully, up till now, she listens and stays away from the tv and the computer (other than for school-work). Disciplined but for how long more with peer pressure growing?
I can only wish. Wished that if as her dad I have worked hard enough to mould her in her formative years and gradually let go more length of the string (but not letting it go totally) the kite that she is will fly higher and higher.
Life is a marathon, never a 100 metre dash to the finishing. Even we the silverhairs are running. Only difference is some are still lugging baggages whilst others hv already picked up bags of gold earlier along the way……….
Wei wei Timothy,
I read with emotion, you are a great Daddy, nurturing your gal in a loving & caring environment despite of what the adult are going thru…I met your princess, I am sure with your guidance thru the years, she will be “kwai” and smart pretty gal. he…he…he…I very often don’t understand what you wrote, but this one, I like it. :)
Ah Nee
Just returned from lunch.
Thank you Nee.
Kid’s form dropped in the exam just ended so likely to miss a book-prize for the first time in 4 years.
Told her that a swallow doesnt bring the summer and left her to figure that out.
Year-end holiday plan has to change so instead of taking her to honolulu will now take her to mandai zoo……….
Tim
I know you are a great dad. Don’t be too hard on her. Its only once in four years. Give your kiddo a break. I think she has been doing well and in life, there are ups and downs and she is holding her own very well despite of all you told about the hiccups she faces.
Thanks :)
Warmest Regards
Caroline Gee
Caroline, as a father I failed once and that was one too many.
It’s scary to read of so many with some form of mental condition in our midst. Thus, i have decided to go easy but not sparing any effort to try instil in her a resilience, a fighting spirit that she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life. The desire to bounce back.
God willing, men will try.
(Hee, lest I be mistaken by the feminists as a mcp, women also try, and they try a lot harder hor).
Jia iu Tim. I have met your kiddo and I dont think you have anything to worry about. I believe she must be very disappointed too so please handle with care. I also believe se will strive to work harder after this trip. Sorry not trying to be like the know all but I have three daughters with whom I have gone through the ups and downs. So experience wise hor, I think I am a bit atas than you right?
Hey Tim, you may not like my butting in, but is depriving her of the trip to Honolulu going to make her grades any better? What’s done is done.
She must have been doing very well to get a book prize for so many years in succession. Bring her on that trip and do some more father-daughter bonding. I bet you, she will return determined to do better than ever.
Dear Caroline & Mary (in alpha order, not necessarily in the order of affection hor),
With the timely intervention of two aunties who have proven their cause with grown-up children doing well in life, what else can I say except to bow in deference.
Ok, kiddo will get to go to honolulu & mandai zoo (if it’s not too late to get the ticks), and the invoices will be sent to these kindly aunties………..heee, heeee, you 2 wanna come, we can all share 1 room? (I promise to behave).
Jokes aside, sure, this counsel me will heed the counsels you.
Tim is a kind man and he will make a great dad!! Jiayou Tim!!! :-). Don’t try too hard. Just be there for her and keep the communication. There will be growing pains. Children go thro phases to reach adulthood. My son and I were very close whn he was young. I take leave during the school holidays, never during his exams. We go out tog with his cousins. We talk a lot. My colleague once commented that I talk to him like a fren. But we had shouting matches whn he was in his teens. Thank God that he has passed his teens and the shouting matches are passe!! Our relationship is now back to being close. Frankly it is not easy to be a parent. How strict should we be? How much to let go? Looking back sometimes, I wished I hadn’t done certain things or should hve done certain things as a parent. But what’s done cannot be undone right? With what I hve experienced, personally think that this is sure to work….love your child, be there for the child…unconditional love…and things would be fine. There will be ups and downs as life is not perfect. But be it fine weather or stormy weather, things will turn out fine between parent and child. I hope! :-)))
Hi all,
This reminds me of my ex Sec 4 student who is “ADDICTED” to computer games ,emailing,blogging and chatting on the net while spending little time for his studies for “O’ level exams.
During one of my counseling sessions with him,he told me that the computer is his “friend” as both his parents are busily working till night time and could not monitor his activities and spending little quality time with him.
His grades depreciates yr after yr.
Suggestion:-
If the mother is a housewife, then the computer can be controlled by using a password.
When the child behaves well and finishes his/her homework or studies, the mother can the key in the password to allow him/her access to his computer for games etc. for say 3-4 hrs daily during school time.
However, during the sch holidays, the mother should exercise flexibility to allow the child more time to play.
However, this may sound ideal but sad to say in Singapore,it is hardly possible.
Both parents are busily working to supplement the families income. And due to lack of parental control,the child seeks attention by indulging in computer games.
Who is to blame then?
Do parents have the choice in STRESSFUL Singaporean society struggling for a decent living or can 1 parent has to sacrifice to be at home with the child ?
My 2 cts, worth.
June,
It took me a while to pore thru the many writings to read yr note to me. Thank you for saying it so kindly.
Yr kids have grown up…you hv arrived and so yr tutelage shd stand me in good stead.
Indeed, my gal seems to be going into another phase, and her growing-up is her dad’s pain.
Love your child, be there for the child…unconditional love…..yes, formulae which shd work and which I too subscribe to.
Will file my report in 10 years. I hope ))
Tim,
Good on you. June has said it all.
“Love your child, be there for the child… unconditional love…”
So have a good time with her in Honolulu or anywhere else for that matter. There will come a day when she will prefer to be with her friends than with her daddy. Then you can look back and be glad that you had spent those times with her.
Take it from me. I have 2 grown girls, one of whom has just got married.
Hi Tim,
From now onwards, your girl will be a bit more challenging to handle as she will be maturing into a lady. Some as early as Pr. 5, others Pr. 6. Talk to her as a friend, listen to what she has to say. Otherwise, she will hide all secrets from you and especially the opposite sex.
The book prize is not everything. Work hard during the crucial years, Pr. 6, Sec 4 (if she is not in through train)and JC 2.
Sometimes you have to tighten the string to the kite, sometimes you loosen it. Just be there to guide her. Afterall, doing well in school is not everything in life.
I am reading the forum now and especially your comments. So we are square now, you drive my car, I give some advice, and in simpler English.
Lina,
By now, you shd be back to fitness but do rest more and avoid long walks (which means no running and definitely no skipping).
I am more worried abt my gals’ mom who likes to fight bcos she thinks she can fight. So the immediate challenge is how to reduce the older woman’s propensity to spoil for a fight (not with me liao, heng ah).
Yes, I do talk to my gal a lot, abt her running around the house naked after a bath. Now she is aware of her privacy, has clothed herself like in a purdah.
I have also told her that she’ll (if not already) see her peers falling into b-g r/s, and that it would be most distracting.
Time will tell whether she listens but if it’s “like father like son” then she shd be ok cos she’s not a son. Or do genes understand proverbs?
Ok, we’re square now but hehe, dont square up with me hor….you sure kena terok terok one.
In a serious note, thanks much for your sharing.
Hi Tim,
If one party stays cool, how to start a fight? Answer less and stay cool?
As for your girl, once her body starts to change (some earlier than others), she will not run around the house naked. That is very natural. As time goes on, she will gradually become more rebellious and try to exert her independence. You must be prepared for this, otherwise it will shock you.
Don’t be too strict on her. Like I say, you must be her friend, listen to her, spent time with her (like you are doing now) and don’t dictate to her. Let her growing years be happy and when she is over this difficult period she will appreciate you for being there for her.
Lina
Yes, Ma’am.
Hi Tim,
Thank you for your advice to rest well. Your answer this time is short and sweet. For that, I am glad. Did not have hang on to my Longman’s dictionary for dear life.
If your English is so ‘chim’, my Mandarin is barely there and my Cantonese is nil, why not we converse in Malay or Teocheow. Ai Mai?
Thank you for the parental advices. My son has still a long way to go before he becomes an adult.
From the tone of the responses, I see Singaporean parents love giving the best of what we have to our children. Guess, they are what we have.
My son lives in Bangkok, and spends more time with sports every weekend. But, I see the great temptation with computer games too. Well, I shall just have to go through their childhood.
Terence