A story from Eleanor Chan, I put it on the post to let more members read it. Don’t want anyone miss it. May be you had read the story before (like me), let see will it touch you again (like me). The story:
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A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything and talked about anything. They kept no secrets from each other except for a shoe box the little old woman placed on top of her closet. She cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about it.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box until one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and brought it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. ‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me if I ever were angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
The little old man was so moved that he had to fight back his tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him twice in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’
I have figured out three words from the story: Understanding, endurance and forgiveness which I consider is very importance for the relationship of husband and wife
When a gal and a guy become couple, these three words will usually disappear gradually. Instead, A magnifier will placed between them which changing the trivial bickering into lethal conflicts.
May be our Chinese old system is better: Never meet each other before marriage, then use a life time to acquaint the other half, ha ha.
Andrew, you left out the prayer part and that makes the story incomplete. Besides the title of this is Little shoe box.
Oi Cheng
This means that you have read the story before. Have it touch you when you first read it? or you still be touched when reading it the second time.
I read this before (may be from same e-mail), I am touched twice and deeper.
I intentionally left out the prayer part because I consider everybody should have same/different perception for the story and no need to explain it at the end (????). Also I don’t like the last sentence of the prayer: “I’ll beat him to death because I don’t know how to crochet”
See you ???
No doubt our gals in SHC will now desert Danz and his danzing classes and make a beeline for crochet learning. Patrick-K, forget abt organising Vietnam tours lah, start a knitting class and you will be overwhelmed with response without having to entice with free balloons, free elephants and free drinks……….the gals will rush to you in droves.
Hymm it seems after 10,20,30,, years a couple no matter how close and loving they are there is always misunderstandings.
So what does it says about women, they are impossible to understand, no matter how much you love them, you pamper them they can still be angry inside?? why , is it a miscommunications.
Men are different if they are angry they will let the ladies know, but women expect you to know they are angry and gets even angrier when you dont know they are angry.
I should know better having married one for 25 years.
Ladies, any comment on this?
But on the whole this lady, could have been a happier person if she can talk about what makes her angry rather than spending time to crochet a ball. However I wish my partner was like that, imagine all the time and peace I would have had doing my own thing while she crochet, I could been a better guitarist, (oh when she is angry, guitar is out as it will drive her out of her mind). Also imagine saving a lot of money as most ladies when they are angry will make the husband buy more expensive dinners,etc. but in this case he is rewarded with a pot of gold.
So maybe the husband was quietly making her angry as that provided not only peace and quiet, but less spending and more savings???
Hi AndrewY
I believe one very impt substance “TRUST” is abv all the 3.
Morning Tim,
a good suggestion
Hi lady hero (Karen Thio),
Will you consider Tim’s suggestion to setup a knitting class to benefit our guys? Then you’ll also be the hero of our guys, haha.
Ronold Wee,
It seems that you have a lot of grievances after your 25 years marriage.
Yes, which husband dare to say they don’t have any grievances to their wife. We always think that we have done our best to them, but what is the reward???
I also had a lot of grievances to my wife even after two years she had passed away (I also missed her very much). But since last year I opened myself more in the SHC (thanks for all the good friends), I started to understand one thing: “What I think “the best” I have done is just my own perception, Do I know “the best” needed by my wife?
I thought she is my first girlfriend, and the only woman in my life, I’m never fooling around is the “best”. But may be the “best” she want is just a bunch of flowers from me in her birthday that I had never done since we met.
Also the “best” will keep on changing with time. The “best” of yesterday may not be the best of today, and the “best” of today may not be the best of tomorrow. A couple have to keep on observing and changing to keep the good relationship. Now I have thrown all my grievances properly and completely and put the sweet memory of us in my mind instead. Of course, this is just my opinion.
Yew Kwong
Agree “Trust” is very important. But people is not perfect, so even we found some mistake of the other half, the “Endurance” and “Forgiveness” can work.
Good morning to all.
Andrew
Teaching the guy to knit … they will make the wife angry more often ???
Sorry – not conducting this class (haha)
I should conduct the class on making roses so that the guy will make one rose everyday for his wife ..
karen
Andrew,
I like your sharing of what you have gone through,that is why I hope that I can learn from this story. It is good and sad also about them, as if i am the husband and I did not know how often I have made the other party angry, it is sad.
It is also sad to learn only when it is too late, that is why I rather declare as Confucius says’ to be a fool everyday and learn, than think you are wise and be a fool for the rest of your life’.
Why keep making the same mistakes, over and over again and hurting more people,your offsprings,etc. I rather learn and discover the truth of my behaviour, people’s behaviour and if i know i have wronged someone make amends on all fours. Similarly I would give the other party to chance to make amends if they have been wrong, if am still around or available.
That is the moral of the story as I see it, and Andrew thanks for sharing your deepest feelings, “our best may not be the best for others or the right answer too, just what we think is the best”, so that is why we always have to keep on learning. Cheers
prayer must be someone else’s cos this person does not know how to crochet… ha! ha! ha!
“if i am the husband and I did not know how often I have made the other party angry, it is sad. It is also sad to learn only when it is too late………”
Not late lah, she’s still around so if you really are remorseful (not say say for fun or in hokien beng’s words. chui kong l-p song), then go seek her out to pour yr heart and regrets….heee, you dont need Confucius’s consent lah..
“I rather learn and discover the truth of my behaviour, people’s behaviour and if i know i have wronged someone make amends on all fours”.
You’re a very brave man to so loftily promise to go down on all 4s to atone for yr wrongs. Heee, again if you’re serious, we will soon see a very short you, a height only up to where the waist bends………
Worst if a husband don’t know when the wife is angry or not. It’s always never late 2 confirm the answer.
Is it necessary 2 go down on all 4s 2 rite the wrongs? I rather lie on her laps, let her stroke my hair, write notes on my forehead wif her fingers or sings into my ears be it songs or piercing words.
Tats my way.
Frankly, why is there a need to go down on all 4s unless the spouse is a sadist and wants you to crawl (in which case, you shd run far far away, not crawl) or a byeee who loves the doggy.
The Asians did for many years in history punish the wrongdoer with kneeling (that’s on 2) but it’s not in vogue. Even a convicted murderer is led out of the dock walking, not crawling and never had to accept the verdict kneeling…………
Seems the ladies are not going to gave out their secrets and will just keep quiet knitting, cooking or making flowers.
So what does it matter whether how you interpret going down on all fours means. The really heartbreaking thing is to discover the truth only when the husband could not do anything else to redeem himself only to know how much a sacrifice it has been for the wife tolerating him, silently, quietly to the end.
Any such ladies still around, or should we start looking for ladies who knits and is quiet?
Btw ‘on all fours’ and ‘four wheel drive’ and ‘KFC’ have come to mean a lot to a bunch of eleven, 7 ladies and 4 men, when we scaled MT Ophir last weekend. It literally means using every ounce of your energy to endure the almost 15 hours of climbing and descending the 6th toughest Mt in SEA.
But we did it, everyone of us, a feat I did once 40 years ago but many only did once, not knowing requiring scaling a 4 storey vertical climb using ropes.
If the climb was tough, the descend through slippery paths in total darkness using headtorch for hours was another big surprise. This quest, and the camaradarie to push each other is something that we will talked about for another 40 years or more. Cheers
Oops excuse the errors in a rush to type and to get ready to work. Bye , cheers
“So what does it matter whether how you interpret going down on all fours means”. Haha. Ron-W, of cos it matters unless you’re a spider with all 8 legs to go down.
Asssuming you’re like us earthlings with 4 limbs – 2 hands and 2 legs – going down on all 4s has to mean the obvious and not otherwise, and no amount of your interpretation would change it – that is, you’re either doing the doggy or about to crawl.
But of cos if one is a spider, down on 4s can mean that the spider is about to fight…when a spider fights, it raises its 2 front legs to push its opponent and standing on the other 6.
I am impressed that you brave adverse elements to crawl up and down Ophir and, other than the camaraderie, what was the reward? Down to mud over all your 4s and soiled clothings which will stress yr maid and the washing machine and yes, “is something that they will talked (sic) about for another 40 years or more……” to let you know “how much a sacrifice it has been for the maid & the washing machine tolerating you silently quietly to the end………….”
Hi Andrew, thanks for sharing your views on this touching story.
Hi Ronald, yes it is heart-breaking when the husband or wife is not given a chance to redeem themselves. I have been married for 31 years. Besides trust, endurance & forgiveness, communication is important. We agree that we disagree on certain things and do not argue to prove who is right or better. Try to encourage each other and tell jokes. We had tough times and happy times. It is easier said than done but as the days pass, we just learn to be one.
Mary Lee (from Perth)
Hi MaryLee
How are you. Never meet you. Hope can meet you in Perth someday. Can feel from your comment, you have a successful and happy marriage, congratulation.
Agreed with Ronald, usually we don’t try to amend when problem emerge, we don’t learn when the problem is minor, but regret when it is becoming too late. May be if my wife is still around, my feeling to the story will be completely different, may be I’ll just treat it as a joke. Sigh
Hi Ronald
Tim is right, you don’t like me. I don’t have chance to send my wife a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolate any more. But you: “Not late lah, she’s still around so if you really are remorseful (not say say for fun or in hokien beng’s words. chui kong l-p song), then go seek her out to pour yr heart and regrets….heee, you dont need Confucius’s consent lah..”
Hi Andrew,
I am well & happy, TQ.
Hope to meet you in Perth – now spring is in the air – bursting with wildflowers & tulips – good to drive out of Perth. Or come & join us for the long Christmas celebrations and cherries in Dec.
Mary Lee (from Perth)
This story reflect of a husband guilt stricken for his assuming character and his ignorant.For the wife no doubt initially she suffered in silence but managed to punch back where it hurts her.Shall we not put judgment on her action. In fact her act offered us with two sides of a coin.One that looks vindictive but the other side merely expressing her feelings which meant non harm. Trust me, if a person truly loves someone whatever deed is unintentional.Men expect women to be cautious with criticism whereas women reckon men to be sensitive towards feelings.
Bravo Mr.Andrew Yeung. Despite your unfavourable deeds u have administered the courage to pull through and ‘travel’ light.Love is indeed a journey not a destination. I am not a good writer btw but through my simple diction can be very enjoyable too. ‘Gracias'(thank you)
Rgds
Rose White