Hi SHCians
With due respect, do pardon me if my comments on the above ruffle some feathers.
There are a few hundred University-educated Malay women now in their mid-30s and older whom are resigned to the fate of being lifelong spinsters unless they are willing to become second or third wives because their age group has a disproportionate ratio of three females to one male with a university/higher learning education. Many of their parents are on-off distressed because it is the Malay culture to "berumah tangga"-get married. Now the university/polytechnic educated Malay males below 30yrs old are equal in numbers with their female counterparts.
Singlehood is a boon as there are no family-vines hindering our mobilityparticularly if one lives alone. But on the other hand living alone means that if one decides to stay indoors the whole day and it happens that one does not make a phone call throughout the whole day and neither is a incoming call received, then one becomes dumb for a period of 12/13hours.
As our hair recedes and turn more greyer when our age cross the half century mark and when we tend to become more homily, the spectre of loneliness creep steadily upon us, perhaps more pronounced for male Silverhairs as the womenfolk do not refrain/disdain from participating in relativess organisational activities. Usually two-thirds of the participants in CCs’ and social clubs’ activities are women.
The "inducement" that triggered me not to remain single happened in early 1999 when a divorced pub-cum-mahjong kaki died of a heart attack and his corspe was undiscovered more than 24hours later untill three of the deceased mahjong kakis, including yours truly, called over one Sunday afternoon and by a fortunate coincidence the three of us arrived within seconds of each other at the lift lobby.
Thus, it is compulsory for Silverhairs to maintain a healthy lifestyle. A fit male single-Silverhair may wish to consider tying the knot by turning to marriage agencies depicting foreign women as increasingly more grey-haired male Sporeans do during the past decade. Yours truly was quite fortunate in not having to "search here-and-there" as my Indonesian wife was a maid baby-sitting a family two doors away from my quite regular-mahjong-host cousin’s unit which was on the second level and where my wife often baby-sitted at the corridor, a position my cousin’s visitors would have to passed first.
A "younger" female Silverhairs perhaps may wish to ape Julia Roberts’ "Eat, pray,love" and who knows?
The Babas, Malays, native Thais, Filipinos are not recticent in marrying later in life(mostly second marriages) perhaps they are more accomodating of the warts & moles of a spouse, albeit at times they can be quite blinkered. They believed "Berkembah, bertaboh hiburan – twins create merriment"
Abel Tan
Hi Abel,
I was rather surprised you raised this topic of Single SilverHairs. Guess you were in a reflective mood, sitting somewhere under the palm trees, and wanting to share with fellow SHCians your thoughts, when you are not doing your morning buy and sell.
Initially, your post went into the moderation queue, because some words triggered the exceptions list. You are rather vocal in your beliefs on singlehood, and when you were under the trees, I think you suddenly wanted to share with everybody the concerns of being single as we get older.
Over the years, I had learnt this topic to be a sensitive subject. There are reasons why some prefer to remain single. For some, it is a choice. But, for others, a partner to share life together would be fulfilling.
I have been knocked many times, encouraging friends and associates to come together. Not very successful, I must say. Well, I shall stop here for now.
For everyone participating in this thread, please feel free to share your views; but let’s respect the views of others too.
Terence Seah
Hi SHCians
What prompted me to comment on Singlehood was, after overhearing Saturday’s 12o’clock news that a aged silverhair died alone tragically by fire in his Toa Payoh flat. a grim scenario which will become increasingly problematic as highlighted in today’s media.
Many Sporeans have now acknowledged that Singlehood is a by=product of a exceedingly extra large economic pie. Personally, I feel the trade-off of economic gains against social ills is becomeing unpalateble, with the govt still being quite miserly in dishing out compensation and compassion towards the “lower heap” and instead leaning more on NGOs’ help. Is it if one is not a economic contributor the unspoken message is “cha cha ki si, ter ho”.
Incidentally, does not one feel a tinge of sadness when one comes across (twice, for yours truly at my previous job in a country club) Sporeans being an only child, in this case both in their early 20s, one male who admitted that his father’s only sister had years ago emigrated with her Canadian husband and two children, the other female who does pine being “alone” as her mother’s only sister’s only son died in a recreational accident in his early teens, thus entrenching themselves probably along with several hundreds in their peer group of being an only child but without any cousins in Spore. “pengyu chuay, tapi boh chin lang” an increasing reality for many young Sporeans below aged 30.
Well, as a relative sacarstically remarked at a Chinese New Yr function “Some foreign invaders will be adopted as our second kahchngs”.
Regards
Abel Tan
Dear Abel
Not everyone wants to live their twilight years alone.
Maybe some do it by choice while others under circumstances. I have many single female friends who are happy being single. They pack their bags anytime to go anywhere they fancy.
I am sure most people would love to have someone special by their side. When their backs are itchy, there will be ready fingers to scratch it for them. But I am happy to use a back scratcher :) if I cannot find my bald, slitty eyed and funny guy to scratch it for me heee! Or go to the part where the walls meet and move left and right with my back to the sharp edge of the wall like what my dad loved to do. Try it. Really satisfying.
Also, it is easier for men men to find and marry someone much younger than them. If we ladies want to be a cougar, then we have to be as pretty and fit as Madonna or Demi Moore. Maybe if we are still in our forties, there is still a glimmer of hope. But its too late Baby now……
With women becoming more independent and financially able, this is not an issue.
Also, we should not settle for less. If we cannot find someone suitable, dont “mian ciang” just so you can have someone to sleep next to you.
I will be happy if I can find someone compatible to hold intelligent conversations with me, punctuated with lots of humour, go out for a concert, sing with me, have meals with me and without me havng to marry him. Ah! if bald, I will help polish his “guang tou”.
Don’t kesian the people who died alone. Maybe, thats what they wanted – to be left alone. For all you know, the Ah Peks go out for happy hours! and when they are done, return to a quiet home.
I appreciate my family and good friends who are here for me. Live each day as if there is no tomorrow. So when its time to go, we die happy like this :)hahaha! Of course only smiley cos dead cannot hahaha!
Do I need another spouse – No!
Do I need good friends – YES!
I am speaking for myself with no reference to anyone in particular.
Cheers
Carly
Well said Abel Tan, i prefer to address you as Able Tan.
For those singles who are still unable to find their lifelong partner should look beyond our shores and go international by using the internet instead of staying as a private limited.
In life, it is all about choices and to each their own.
SHC should progress and about time to swing into a full fledged match-making agency for the ‘silvers’.
Terence may want to upgrade the system to include members’ bio-data.
Maybe change identity to Sweet Heart Club or some other name.
I like what Carly mentioned in her post about scratching each others back and her ending statement.
No offence only general comment.
Cheers!
Hi KC #4,
Thank you for the feedback. I would likely stay with the same SilverHairsClub name for a good many years; altho I would be happy if you initiate the formation of a Sweet Heart Club. I have not been too successful.
Terence Seah
Dear Abel
Your comment about “one becomes dumb” if one choose to stay indoor whole day and not receive nor made any call(s) to another party… does make me wonder what’s wrong with being “dumb” for a day or two if one can find other meaningful things to do… (?_?).. (^_~)
Single friends told me that they do look forward to such day as they find great enjoyment in their own company. Such time would be spent on reading a good novel, paint, meditate, practise yoga or even sort out their own thoughts.. with complete peace and silence around them… (^_^) Thru out the whole week, they feel that they have talked and entertained enough… Time to take a break from all these.
Married friends also told me that they envy the singles who could choose to have both scenarios – be with friends and talk till sunset or to stay indoor on their own without any contacts with the outside world… becos being married, they have to share their time with their love ones.. Not that they’re complaining but their vocal cords rarely have time to rest unless it’s sleeping time.. (#_#)
Ok, back to your topic of “Silverhairs’ singlehood, a bane or boon”… like what Carly said, it’s a matter of choice or circumstances but I would like to add that it’s also dependable on the person’s character / personality…
I have friends who purposely choose to stay single as they like their “freedom” to do what they want… There are friends who also choose to be married or looking for companion as they feel the companionship help to shove away the loneliness…
Therefore, to those who can find new life with someone along your life journey, good for you. To those who prefer to stay on their own, you too did not make a wrong choice. What matters most is the HAPPINESS that comes with your choice… **(^_^)**
Cheers – Pauline
Hi Abel
I’ve always been a loner so I was rather surprised when I retired that I craved social interaction. Despite a wife & 4 kids, it still wasn’t enough sometmes so I have to admire those who are single whether by choice or circumstance.
However, I would agree with Carly that with a good circle of friends, singlehood wont be a bane. Especially if they are good friends: ie those that you can let your guard down with / be yourself & not play a role.
cheers
Was awakened by he who is considered by some as Gourd of SHC why I hadnt made any sound and so i will to prove that I am as alive as he is and kicking as high as the M Rouge.
Take heart for those who dont wish to be lonesome, alone and/or lonely. Go buy a copy of the ST. There’s a full page of handsomes and pretties, with their names and mobiles shown under their fotos.
Many among them dont look like silverhairs. And might cause some heart-breaks and heart attacks if viewed in person. But you wont be bored with any of them, trained to talk to please…….or if no deal strikes, show an about face and will talk till you run amok.
Btw, Abel, why worry – and you cant worry anyway – when one is dead? The left behind body will no longer be one’s problem but the State’s. And that bloke will literally get a State Funeral, if lucky hor, with people queuing up to mourn, give accolades and eulogies.
Hi Andrew #7,
I share your thoughts too. All of us need some space. Even though we may have our family, sometimes we can feel lonely. We cannot live alone, or else we will go mad.
That’s why I sometimes feel that hobbyists should not keep a single fish in a tank for years, without a partner. Poor fish, or poor bear.
But, then sometimes, we want to be alone. That’s when we can reflect what’s going on around us.
TimL is probably just practical about life in general. But, he still needs someone who is more than just a friend.
Terence Seah
Thank you Terence. With you by my side, life is almost complete. “Almost” because if you dont massage my backside but just stand at my side idling, I’ll have to grant you yr wish and look for someone who will.
Abel, if my old classmate’s ordeal is of any guide, then “singlehood” is a boon.
Abt 3 months ago, he found his 1st gal friend. Last week, he surprised this kindergarten teacher with a T-back (bcos she is the old fashioned type and old fashion he too is, humsup he is more). He told her to put it to good use, saying it as he winked.
This Monday, she threw the T back at him.
What transpired was, she didnt quite know what it was other than what it looked like. So she took it to the nursery to teach the toddlers the alphabet.
The kids’ fathers were bemused, the mothers certainly unamused. Looking at the lacy-letter T and then their parents’ faces, the children got confused. The principal had to refuse it as a teaching tool and she saw no use of it.
My butty too saw no use of a gf like this who might hold up his boxer underpants to tell the letter M.
I can introduce both to whoever is looking for a partner…..part-time also can.
Hi All,
My very first foray into a SHC forum. I was LOL at my desk reading Tim’s last post – on a friday after work hours evening – those still working hard must think aunty M’s gone bonkers with JOY at prospect of TGIF.
Anyhow… I am single, never married – and like the Mac Slogan goes – LOVIN’ IT! Quoting Carly -i pack my bags and go anywhere anytime I fancy (with no one pouting and begging to tag along :)
But I guess I’m more blessed, with 4 bros and 4 sistas and loads of nieces, nephews, grand nieces and a nephew, church friends, travel friends, colleagues and nature loving group activities – i find life so full and meaningful as is. But I am still earning a salary and reasonably able bodied – so it may be too early to tell.
Dear KCL @#4, Pauline Ho @#6, Andrew Thio @#7 and Mabel Choi @#11
Everything has its pros and cons.
You have someone to help you scratch your back but you may also get someone nagging into your ears.
If you have chosen to be single and enjoying it, thats great cos to each his own and thats what life’s about – just enjoy it.
Good friends and family are very important cos no man is an island. I cant imagine having no one to talk to.
Yes, when we are still making money and able, we can pack our bags and go for holiday anytime and anywhere without having to answer to anyone. But why worry about what is going to happen. Just live for today, everyday.
No lah not giving lessons in living. Just saying what I feel with no offence.
Cheers and enjoy your weekend
Carly
Oh forgot to mention I am enjoying my bowl of ice cream while listening to some good music – sometimes it great to be alone.
Cheers
Caly
Thank you Mabel for liking it.
Lest you think that butty of mine exists, no, he doesnt. I was in my mood again and it was also my retort to Terence who has observed of my becoming more sensible.
To my mind, the jury has still not returned on a verdict whether singlehood is a boon or bane. So, in the meantime, try both out and one might find comfort in either. Or neither and in this event, it’s time to gather the kampong to do the long march to mandai as one chuckles quietly in that long box…….to rise and say hello upon arrival before he is pushed into the fire.