As I will be away to Africa on a biz mission 2 sell slippers to the Africians, here are some appetizers for your coming weekend njoyment ahead of the many events in the coming mths.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable,
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren’t you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted"
When a woman steals your husband,
A woman is incomplete until she is married.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
word you say — talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it wasn’t for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife’s an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive."
A Woman’s Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for
Strength, I’ll just beat him to death.
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
The blind man replies, "If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of
YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus … so shut the hell up."
Yew Kwong
Great one. thanks for sharing! :)
Yew Kwong, you serious?
“As I will be away to Africa on a biz mission 2 sell slippers to the Africians, here are some appetizers for your coming weekend njoyment ahead of the many events in the coming mths.”
Bcos I hv some PHX rubber gaskets (only about 85kgs) that I need to send to Africa. When you going and where in Africa? Bcos I need to inform my friend immediately to start RUNNING from his hometown in Thika – Kenya to your destination in Africa, just to be sure that he will be in time to collect these gaskets from you when you landed… serious!
YewKwong..
Helo!…nowadays we seldom see you…but u getting cuter & very smart..hehe
Last nite also tak datang…u missed loads of fun!
So…the morale of the story?…single or married, we are all the same… a humanbeing & have a heart..so be humane lah..
Next time u visit Africa..bring us along hor:)
we want to donate books!..boleh tak?
Hi Ivan
Cant carry ur stuff along wif me cos oredi hv busloads of others 2 unload there. Mayb the nx rd.
Hi Norlinda
Will keep u gals informed.
Yew Kwong #4,
I was thinking in the line of paying you what the freight forwarder is charging me for it …… was hoping this will take care of your (1st class) air-ticket cost ……
Yew Kwong.
Hilarious! Especially the last two. Thanks. :-)
The woman’s prayer is one of my daily prayers!!!….:-))))
Btw, YewKwong. whn u back from your mission, let us know how’s sales like.
I hve a friend who has this face cream, a whitener, makes the face fair and soft and baby like and she is going to sell them in India.. Am thinking of joining her.
Hi gals & guys,
A colleague sent this to me. Thought I’d share it with you all.
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
— that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING
Norhayati
Hee, Norhayati.
That was a hilarious poem. Thanks for the laughs.
Hi Norhayati,
Thanks for the humour to light up the day. Just like to add, my experience in some way.
“You were full of surprises, a lady and I made you my Queen,
Now you still full of surprises,very scary, more like Halloween”
Cheers
Yew Kwong, Norhayati, Ronald Wie…
Thanks for the laughs. Here’s some more humor ;-)
The difference between Love & Marriage…
1. Love is holding hands in the park.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
2. TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
3. Love is dinner in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
4. Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
5. Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
6. In love you go to bed early.
After marriage, you go to sleep early.
Oh dear, Ron and Jonathan.
This is turning out to be like a ‘humtumming’ of marriage although quite a lot of it can be true. Hehe.
Hi you funny guys and gals
Enjoyed the jokes tremendously !! Pls keep them coming. Humour is what makes me sane !
Ron, if anybody says that to me, it will be a whirlwind romance, that is, he will be whirling out the door with the wind !!!
Hi Yew Kwong,
Thanks for the jokes and I couldn’t help laughing.
Keep them coming laughter is the best medicine.
Novel way to fight- husband and wife.
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but outside,
laughing at you
Let’s have some laughter
For Sale :
Wedding Dress, Size 8.
Worn Once By Mistake.
Every Wife Is A ‘Mistress” For Her Husband.
“Miss” For One Hour & “Stress” For the Rest 23 Hours..!.
There Are Two Times When A Man Doesn’t Understand A Woman
Before Marriage AndAfter Marriage.
Wife : I Will Die.
Husband : I Will Also Die.
Wife : Why Will You Die ?
Husband : Because I Can’t Bear That Much Happiness..!.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, And I Didn’t.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In
& Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They’re Wet And Wild, But
When They Go, They Take Your House And Car.
Text Messaging
Husband Sends The Following Message To His Wife
My Love,
If You’re Sleeping, Send Me Your Dreams.
If You’re Smiling, Send Me Your Smile.
If You’re Crying, Send Me Your Tears.
I Love You.
Wife Texted Back :
I’m In The Toilet,
What Should I Send You?
The Woman Applying For A Job In A Florida Lemon Grove
Seemed Way Too Qualified For The Job.
“Look Miss,” Said The Foreman, “Have You Any Actual
Experience In Picking Lemons?”
“Well, As A Matter Of Fact, Yes!” She Replied.
“I’ve Been Divorced Three Times.”
Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention.
One Double And You Start Feeling Single Again.
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can
Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, “Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me
The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.”
The Man Says Without Hesitation,
“I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife.”
Husband Searching Keywords On Google `How To Tackle Wife?`
Google Search Result, `still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, “Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me.
Every Evening, She Goes To Larry’s Bar And Picks Up Men.
In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her!
I’m Going Crazy.
What Do You Think I Should Do?”
“Relax,” Says The Doctor,
“Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down.
Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry’s Bar?”
Husband Throwing Darts At His Wife’s Photo And Not Even
A Single One Hitting The Target..
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband : “Honey What Are You Doing..
Husband: “MISSING YOU”..
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi.
“Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening
and I Have To Talk To You About It.”
The Rabbi Asked, “What’s Wrong?”
The Man Replied, “My Wife Is Poisoning Me.”
he Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks,
“How Can That Be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you,
I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”
The Rabbi Then Offers,
“Tell You What. Let Me Talk To Her, I’ll See What I Can Find Out and I’ll Let You Know.”
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says,
“Well I Spoke To Her For Three Hours.
You Want My Advice?”
The Man Said Yes
The Rabbi Replied,
“Take The poison
Hi Catherine
A nice nite cap for me. Laughed out loud. Totally.
Thanks!